꧁「✦𝚉𝚎𝚙𝚑𝚢𝚛𝚊 𝚈𝚊𝚛𝚊✦」꧂ said in [[Cozy-talk]] ~ Art advice I hate when People give.:
Fixes Art*
YES. I HAAATE THIS.
꧁「✦𝚉𝚎𝚙𝚑𝚢𝚛𝚊 𝚈𝚊𝚛𝚊✦」꧂ said in [[Cozy-talk]] ~ Art advice I hate when People give.:
Fixes Art*
YES. I HAAATE THIS.
I say, look at BABYMETAL [It's a SubGenre of metal, argue with the wall.]
I wish I left my old friend group's faster. I also wish I had taken care of myself more
You got blood on your hands
How do you plead?
Boy, it’s like treason, how you treated me
It’s eight Mondays in a row, nine days of the week
These tantrums been old
All bitter, no sweet
You’re killing my vibe
In ways words cannot describe
But I’ll try, I’ll try
You put the “over” in lover, put the “ex” in next
Ain’t no “I” in trouble, just the “U” since we met
'Cause you’re toxic, boy
I ain’t even gotta try to find the
G-O-O-D in goodbye
You put the “over” in lover, put the “ex” in next
Ain’t no “I” in trouble, just the “U” since we met
'Cause you’re toxic, boy
I ain’t even gotta try to find the
G-O-O-D in goodbye
I would take a bullet for you just to prove my love
Only to find out you are the one holding the gun
I’m just tryna get focus
Take some time for me
People started to notice all the shit you couldn’t see
You put the “over” in lover, put the “ex” in next
Ain’t no “I” in trouble, just the “U” since we met
'Cause you’re toxic, boy
I ain’t even gotta try to find the
G-O-O-D in goodbye
You put the “over” in lover, put the “ex” in next
Ain’t no “I” in trouble, just the “U” since we met
'Cause you’re toxic, boy
I ain’t even gotta try to find the
G-O-O-D in goodbye
You’re killing my vibe
In ways words cannot describe
But I’ll try, I’ll try
You put the “over” in lover, put the “ex” in next
Ain’t no “I” in trouble, just the “U” since we met
'Cause you’re toxic, boy
I ain’t even gotta try to find the
G-O-O-D in goodbye
G-O-O-D in goodbye
For me, it's never been easy too forgive people, I tend too hold grudges against people for quite a while. Its usually too please people [I'm a major people pleaser]
I'm Amniverted but more on the introverted side .
@Cawwie According too the Doctor, I have Bulimia[??]
Recently, I was working on how much I can eat before my stomach makes me throw it up, I was eating pretzels I had gotten a couple days ago when my sister came in and started calling me fat because I was eating a big bag of pretzels.
She knows I have problems eating, so the fact she even tried too argue with me when I yelled at her about it is rather insulting but I'm not that surprised considering me and her have always been at each others throats.
Recently, I was in a car accident about almost a week ago, I kinda hoped I would have been killed in that car accident, I can't deal with all the self-hatred, the negativity from home, school, etc. There's only a few people who can make me better without having too make me feel invalidated about my feelings.
I've attempted three times and all we're unsuccessful. Why can't I just be myself without having too feel like I need too watch what I say, what I wear or eat 24/7?
This year and 20234 have been absolute shit and I genuinely just wanna go back too drugs, but then I'd cause extra trouble that nobody nor myself need.
Too many negative things have happened and I don't know how much I can take anymore.
I hate my body with a burning passion. I hate how chubby my stomach looks, so I try to hide it by eating less, wearing baggy/oversized clothing or just sucking it in. I can barely eat without throwing it all up or just barely touching my plate. I hate how I have to cover my mirror sometimes when the hate gets too much for me, it just shows how insecure I am. My mom always tells me how I should look and be more feminine, why am I so pathetic and insecure that I can't do one simple thing? Why can't I make her proud for once?
I'm a disappointment to her and everyone else.
I genuinely wanna know too see if I can fix it
𝐂𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐞 Love you too :] {/p}
𝐂𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐞 Thank you, I'll make sure too reach out if I ever need too talk, the same goes for you as well <3
I typically don't vent, mainly cause I feel terrible when I do but I genuinely can't hold this in anymore.
TW: Drug use.
There was one point in my life that it had gotten so incredibly low that instead of talking to someone, I went down a dark path, drugs. I had used drugs whenever I felt upset or anytime I needed to get rid of the hurt and trauma I had. I ended up becoming dependent on it for about 3 years before I was admitted to rehab because my mom had found some drugs.
I'm now currently off drugs and I've only relapsed once in 2022-2023 which is the main reason why I was gone for so long.
TW: Mentions of ED
I have body dysmorphia, I can barely look in the mirror without feeling bad about how I look. My mother doesn't make it any better considering she's the one who makes it so bad. I may look confident, but in reality, I'm not, that's just a front so people don't see how pathetic I am.
One day, my mom made a comment about how much I ate. This is what really triggered my ED and BD. My sister laughed along with her. I laughed along too but in reality, I wanted just to cry right there.
I ended up starving myself to the point I could see my ribcage. I look more healthy now but, I can barely eat and am still working on it.
TW: Mentions of SA
On January 6th, I was sexually assaulted in a restroom by a teenage boy.
But, apparently, it was my fault, I had invited him in by my clothing. I told my mom about it and she told me I deserved it. Saying I was a wh*re and a sl*t and more insults. She continued to humiliate me until we got home.
Aftermath:
I dunno. .I feel like I can be as good as she wants me to be if I just pretend for her and just fucking try harder but. .I’m drained and I just wanna relapse back to drugs but I can’t cause I fucking promised I wouldn’t after Rehab. .I just. .I dunno what to do.
It’s silly really. I should just be better and I’m not. What did I do to deserve this? I’m sorry I’m pathetic.
Edit:
I'm at a point in my life where a lot of people have shown their true colors too me and that everything we had was fake considering she chose me over a shitty dude who ended up feeding her lies about me and some of my other friends. This ended whatever I had with the other group of "Friends" because some people can't admit what petty things they've done.
Two of my friends we're kicked because some people we're "uncomfortable" with them, which in actual reality, they just wanted to finally get rid of me and some others who had a backbone. I asked a simple question of why they we're kicked which btw, I never even said who the question was towards, I just took a ss of the logs and showed them what I was talking about. They assumed I had a problem and instantly attacked me. This went on for a while, about maybe 1-2 hours.
Repeadetly, they'd come into the server and insult us. It finally stopped when the owner and one other person [The owner needed someone to suck her dick while she lies not only on my name but multiple others considering she's a coward.] in this situation had a sit down with one of my friends who had left said server months ago.
Just now I contacted one of the people who I was arguing with who had sent me a message hours ago but because I had been upset I sent a petty message since they had sent me a message saying "Womp womp womp" <--- Something I said a lot to only ONE person as a greeting.
Attacker A:
Sorry olive [I went by this name]
but the amount of people uncomfortable with them and you, the statuses about someone else’s relationship, as well as how kota, luan [Bringing up OLD drama from 2023]
, etc used to say Kys everyday to someone in another server for making a harmless joke [Which was a lie considering they had already explained and everyone was fine with it, Attacker A just wasn't on good terms with them atm.]
, the amount of bullshit, talking about me and other behind out back [Something they did as well but I actually had the balls to say it too said persons face and admit it.]
, etc, that’s a few reasons why your not in the server. Its also rosies server, she doesn’t need a reason to remove someone as well, remember who the owner is and stop pretending you are superior to everyone, maybe we would have left you guys stay if yall cleaned up your act. 💛
My first response:
I’m not reading allat [I read it]
My response hours later:
Also, I don’t need to act like I’m “Superior to everyone” because I know I’m not. Y’all already know I have an attitude 24/7 [I already explained to them prior when all of us first became friends that I was quite a rude person with an aggressive way of typing but to not take it seriously unless in an argument]
. I never was specifically asking Rosie why she kicked them, I was asking IN GENERAL, maybe instead of assuming I had a problem y’all at least could’ve let me explain why I was even asking without immediately attacking me. Ik I was an asshole and yes, I do need to clean up my act with how I speak to people, but at least I can admit I’ve talked about people [Not saying you did, considering you weren’t one to talk about people]. But about the whole kys jokes, you need to speak to Luan and Kota about that considering that’s not really relevant to what happened [Quite literally, ts happened at the end of summer, early school year.]
. But at least you were the most mature one and didn’t attack me. [<--- You instead sent TWO of your friends where one attacked me in my dms without even knowing what was going on. While you and you're two friends joined the server and attacked us like the dickriders they are.]
But genuinely, if y’all wanna come and speak to me and some of the others, WITHOUT bringing in other people who weren’t even in the argument then you can.
And again, the whole thing about the “kys” statements were genuinely just jokes, they weren’t meant to harm anyone. [<--- Mind you, one of the people she's friends with had talked shit about her AND said kys jokes as well. But yk, YLL bad because she doesn't lie like y'all do.]
I'll update when I have a reply, this whole thing truly showed me why I even have a fear of venting, abandonment, trust issues, etc. Honestly, after this and many other incidents with 3 other people, I probably won't trust or get attached to someone after this ever again.
Omg??
After that, the security guard needs a raise :Sob:
[Not proofread yet.]
Just throw that
Throw that, yeah, throw that, throw that
Just throw that, yeah, throw that, throw that
Just throw that, yeah, throw that, throw that
Just throw that (Got that beat from Jumbo)
Two gangstas sippin’ on Henny, no chaser
Shakin’ that shit like they throwin’ me paper (Uh-huh)
This ain’t no weed, I be smokin’ that vaper (Uh-huh)
Press full-court, bang that shit like a Laker
Skims fit tight, just know that they take her (Uh-huh)
Kickin’ that shit, David Akers
She a wh0re, she don’t wanna be saved
Don’t save her (Don’t save her)
They cannot book me to tape, it’s too pricey (Uh-huh)
Bad lil’ bitch but I’m fiesty
Am I still fuckin’ on him? Well, I might be
Sendin’ me threats, I ain’t takin’ that lightly (No)
Walked to the store, masked up, Pooh Shiesty
Grab me some backwoods of blueberry icy
Oh, you got a lil’ section? That shit don’t excite me
I ain’t goin’ to the club, 'less the owner invite me
Throw that, throw that
Throw that, yeah, throw that, throw that
Just throw that, yeah, throw that, throw that
Just throw that, yeah, throw that, throw that
Just throw that, yeah, throw that, throw that
I’m with my bitches, we throwin’ it back
He tryna fuck me, this ass too fat
Got a fresh bust down, he ain’t pullin’ my tracks
Face on Barbie, style on Bratz (Uh-huh)
I walk in the club, they ain’t givin’ me pat downs (Uh-huh)
If they hate when they see me, I left (Uh-huh)
This ain’t [?], they tryna adapt now? (Huh?)
FYP, I be runnin’ that At now
We got the whole world shakin’ their hips
On this genre, who started this shit?
Fuck all dat I talk, we be makin’ them hits
To the bank while I’m shakin’ that shit, like
To the bank while I’m shakin’ that shit, like
To the bank while I’m shakin’ that shit
Uh, yeah, shake that shit from the left to the right
Throw that, yeah, throw that, throw that
Just throw that, yeah, throw that, throw that (Yeah, throw that)
Just throw that, yeah, throw that, throw that (Throw that, throw that, throw that)
Just throw that, yeah, throw that, throw that (Throw that, throw that, throw that)
Bounce it, bounce it
Bounce it, bounce it, bounce it
Bounce, bounce, bounce, uh
Bounce, bounce, bounce
Uh, uh, uh, uh, get, get, get, get low
Uh, uh, uh, uh, get, get, get, get low
That shit hard