@shaggy2dopelmao Wow, that’s a lot. Firstly, when you’re going through so much, the last thing you need to think about is us “deserving” something out of you. I am just glad to know how things are with you. I did notice you were gone for a long while.
Addictions are pretty hard to break, so don’t be angry or upset you relapsed. I think the first mistake people do in relapsing is beating themself up. Because we all go backwards in mistakes at some point. Small ones, even. Not to say you did feel mad, but just thought I’d make that clear in case. For people suffering from addictions, it can feel like a black cloud that hovers over you just waiting till you give into it again. I think having that feeling of “when will come back?” sort of thing definitely plays a role in it actually coming back. But that’s a whole mindset thing that is hard to change. And isn’t your fault if it’s that way.
When dealing with challenges life gives you, the first thing you want to go back to the addiction. And that’s why it’s harder to get through addiction when your life’s already pretty messy and you just want something to go to. Becuase it’s actually comforting. When you take out the thing you’re addicted to, it can feel like then you’ll have nothing. And that’s hard too. There are always other things to go back to. Even if it’s not the same level of relief you get, there’s always a healthier alternative. I would have to talk to you more about it but only if you’re up for it.
I’m sorry you had to go through everything else. It’s a really bad mix of events. It’s tough since it’s not stuff you can control. I’d love to talk if you’re comfortable but if you’re not up for it, I get it. Just glad to see you, Fin.
