I’ve read this, but certainly don’t have the ignorance or carelessness that you described; despite barely knowing you, I care about, empathise with, and want to support you. I’ve experience (and still experience) this - what psychologists call identity diffusion, disorganised attachment, and dissociation from reality - as well as loneliness and loss of friends (including my soulmate) due to it, so know that this won’t fade with time or repression. What you need is real human support (and some therapists, like yours, are too cold/detached to realise this) to help you learn, grow, and heal - and I’ll be glad to provide this to you; sometimes, we also have to learn things the hard way - by losing things/people dear to us, and trying not to repeat the mistakes that caused it to prevent further pain to yourself and others. Please, do not kill yourself; no matter bleak it may look now, I promise that there is hope in your future if you keep going, and that you are much stronger than you think. It was incredibly brave of you to reach out to us, and I know you can continue this bravery to try to finally live and not just exist.
