finns poem thread (TW: dark topics)

[finn.in.outer.space.]

spacing out,
disappearing from this thing we called life.

im deciding
to watch the demising
of you.

if i space out.
then i’m not a liability.

oh i loved the way you lied,
you loved the way i cried.
but, a piece of me died
too.

im sorry im so emotional,
im sorry i can’t help it,
its not your fault,
but its not mine either.

im trying i promise.
but you just make me want to

space out.
and disappear.

i apologized, i tried.
don’t ignore me. please.
im trying my best
not to

space out.

[finn.in.outer.space.]

@finneass casually writes a poem about how adhd and panic disorder affect my life

[finn.in.outer.space.]

haven’t posted one in awhile so here :)

i cried last night,
while you spat in my face in laughed.
while i froze,
laying like a statue,
crying in my lonesome.

apologies don’t fix everything.
but i let them for you.
i loved you,
i loved the pain,
i loved the heartbreak,
i loved the smiles,
i loved the tears.
i loved the fear.
i loved the passion.

i’m over it now.
i should’ve went to sleep those nights listened to you sleep.
i shouldn’t have wasted my breath complimenting you,
or wasted my time crying over you.

[finn.in.outer.space.]

only locking this cause only i wanna use this thread

[finn.in.outer.space.]

mirror mirror on the wall,
why would you lie to them all?
why would you try to make me cry,
when you knew i wanted to die?

do you feel better now?
with all that acting,
you should take a bow.

play the victim,
but how can you win a game,
with someone who was never playing?

i leave you to your own devices,
why can’t you leave me to mine?

you say you’re over it,
then why do you keep trying?

are you determined to fuck me over?
cause i’m gonna let you in on a secret,
they all know you’re a poser.

[finn.in.outer.space.]

you hate me
i hate you more.
i hate you for making me feel worthless
i hate you for calling me a liar
i hate you for the shit you said to me
i hate you for the shit you did to me.

but i cant take back the i love yous
and you cant take back the i love you toos
and we cant take back the smiles
when we talked about our life miles
away from here.

so fuck you, but thank you
for leaving me with memories
that teach me how to love me ❤️

[finn.in.outer.space.]

this one is really special to me

---

what did i do wrong?
you say nothing yet you won’t leave me in my lonesome.
and i hoped that since you left that you had grown some.
call me a monster
but since you been gone, i’ve shined like a star.
so i guess i’m a monstar.

expose you for your wrongs and i’m toxic
thinking bout you makes my heart sick.
fuck you, and thank you for ruining my life.

because then i found them, and now i smile everyday.
because i realized, my life is finally okay.

[finn.in.outer.space.]

i love you,
and i kinda always do.
i love the rainy days,
laying in the driveway
smiling at you.

every smile is worth every tear
every kiss is worth every argument
every hug is worth every bit of anger

because in the end,
its me and you against everything
the world,
our problems,
the sun,
the rain,
the sky.

at first, i loved you, and i didnt know why.
but now im happier than ever,
i gotta confess
sometimes i sleep in your sweaters to feel closer to you,
cause you’re home to me.

[finn.in.outer.space.]

back to our regularly scheduled depression program
__

i build walls
walls to protect me from the overhaul of emotion
that causes a panic on my end

you broke my walls,
stole the pillow to break my falls,
apologize and think life is okay.

you’re a user,
i tried to love you
but you’re a chooser.

and you chose to make the decision to stab me in the back
and in the front
and in the side
and smile,
like you take pride in the fact that youre and attention whore

[finn.in.outer.space.]

been a while so here you goo <33

the garden of you in my heart
the one you invaded with
loosestrifes and bittersweets
it’s finally back to bloom

i’ve weeded you out
the bittersweet love is no more
and you can try
but the feelings have died

i pray for you sometimes
i don’t know to what
or why
but i sure as fuck try

i hope you get better
i hope you learn to love yourself
i hope you use no one else as your mental crutch
because as little as you want to admit, i never deserved this.

and i know you’re reading this,
you sick fuck.
and i know you’re trying to pry your way back in
but i’m stronger now.

and i deserved so much better.
i’m not perfect, but i wanted to be
i loved you the way you should’ve loved me
i supported you, i killed my sense of self
for someone, who would leave me
to go to someone else
i’m a victim of your slavery
your mental thrash
the minute i was unuseful,
you came and bit me in the ass.

well, here’s all i have left to say,
fuck you.
and i mean that with every bit of my being
to the man who thought this was build a bitch
and i was the perfect therapist boyfriend he was dreaming.