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    Venting (TW: Suicidal Thoughts)

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    • finn.in.outer.space.F
      finneass <33 Sevendust Vibes🩶❤ Banned
      last edited by finn.in.outer.space.

      have you ever been so busy trying not to hurt someone that you end up hurting them anyway, and then you’re pissed off with yourself.

      because like ISTG the minute i start dating someone, all of a sudden everyone decides its a good time to confess the love they’ve had for me for 25 years ._. like bruh, im trying not to hurt anyones feelings but idfk man… and i dont like hurting peoples feelings because then somehow i get the short end of the stick and people call me a hoe and heartbreaker and im just trying to be loyal in a relationship. and like im honestly so sick of it, if you like me tell me when im single cause that shit getting mad annoying. like im so happy rn with him and i cant even enjoy it because i have peoples friends down my back about their friends liking me and its like BRO respect peoples fucking relationships. and i dont like a whole lot of people liking me anyway because i always feel like im gonna hurt someone. and yes it does feel good sometimes that feeling of oh i have my pick of whoever i want type shi, but sometimes it gets complicated and i start wishing i wasn’t so likable. like honestly im tired of this shit and this shit gotta stop. and i know im supposed to be mean and ruthless n shit, but its hard seeing other people hurt over you. and my boyfriend just wants me to block them but i cant because then im finna hurt them even worse, and im gonna tell them today bc at this point im done trying to spare people but i cant just- like- i dont fucking know how to explain it but i really don’t need the drama and shit. like so if you like me i hate to hurt you but, i love one person, thats antwan, and we’re together rn so hop off my shit because i don’t want you rn. because this shit gotta stop. anyway

      update on my suicidal thoughts, ive talked to a couple people irl about it and i talked to the hotline yesterday. someone sent me a message thing on instagram and honestly, that stopped me. because even though idk who sent it i know that someone notices the fact that im faking shit and i wanna thank them tbh because its nice knowing someone pays attention to my patterns and notices that im not myself. because im really not, im supposed to be the peppy friend thats overly energetic and wild and shit, but i just can’t keep that same energy anymore while im mentally falling apart. and slowly honestly, the answer is starting to look more and more like suicide and i know its not because i hear it all the time “all suicide causes is sadness to the people around you.” why does it have to be about them? why can’t shit be about me for once its always think about your mom, your dad, your grandma, your boyfriend, your best friend and I DO. I DO. but i wanna think about myself for once… im tired of my life surrounding other people and pretending like im okay for everyone else. because i know this shit sounds selfish but everything i do always has to be about the future and “oh you can put this on your college application!” or “you can get a scholarship for this!” but no. i just want to do something for me right now because theres not gonna be a future me if you guys keep on with this shit because im tired. im mentally drained, i dont sleep at night and then crash and take 10 hour naps and i cry a lot, and i try to act like im okay when really im burnt out. i was forced into ib and I FUCKING KNEW it was gonna do this shit to me, thats what i dont miss about being at a gifted school is the stress. because my teachers are stressing me out, the work is stressing me out, being here is stressing me out but i cant leave because im afraid im gonna fuck something up if i leave so i stay here, keep my mouth shut and pretend to be happy 85% of the time. because no one cares, people cry for help here and people just click on the post and keep it moving because its the internet, no one really care and i- cant handle this shit anymore and i could keep typing paragraphs and paragraphs about how depressed and stressed i can. did i mention the fact that my therapist wants to send me to a mental hospital because she said im mentally fucked up without actually saying that. so i just have a lot of shit going on and i can deal but if im irritable be patient with me. and never judge someone because depression isn’t always easy to see.

      thats all.

      so in closing, if i leave suddenly, thats why.

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      • finn.in.outer.space.F
        finneass <33 Sevendust Vibes🩶❤ Banned
        last edited by

        And if you don’t wanna read all this shit then don’t, you dont have to make a big deal about it.

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        • ?
          A Former User
          last edited by

          irrelevant but this almost reminds me of how people want me to comfort them and give them long speeches about how awesome they are when i can’t do that

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          • ?
            A Former User
            last edited by

            @finn-dfw-u said in Venting (TW: Suicidal Thoughts):

            i hear it all the time “all suicide causes is sadness to the people around you.” why does it have to be about them? why can’t shit be about me for once

            I literally cannot tell you how many times I’ve heard someone say this to someone and inside, it kind of makes me upset. It completely misses the point of someone feeling suicidal… Telling someone they’d be making a “dumb decision” or “hurting people” by committing suicide, that helps 0%. Why make it about everyone else when it’s that person feeling suicidal. It’s actually pretty selfish. It basically says “You can’t die because you’d be hurting me,” which kind of forces someone to feel like a bad person for having felt suicidal in the first place. Which I don’t know about you, but that would add more fuel to the fire.

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