yeaaaa... i need to vent rq.
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you dont have to care so if you read this you dont have to respond.
so uhm… a lot tbh. so everyone here knows that my mental state isnt so good and its just gotten worse every second of the day. my suicidal thoughts have gotten to me a lot more than usual and ive been having a really hard time even going to school now. the other week i missed all week bc i said i didnt feel good which was true but the other days i just didnt go and i regret it but its just been really hard for me. and my friend noah he got hit my a truck/car last year and i always wondered if he did it on purpose. and on monday he came out saying that the reasoning on why he smokes weed and the reason why he vapes and hurts himself is bc he wants to die and he thinks that smoking and hurting himself is the best idea. well yesterday i told him that if he EVER feels the need to kill himself again he needs to come to me and then i mentioned how i think he got hit by a car purposely and he finally came out telling me that yes, he did get hit by a car purposely. and i told him; “you got hit by a car purposely bc you feel the need that hurting yourself or trying to kill yourself is the only choice you have to finally be free from all the pain you’ve been through and all the struggles you’ve had to deal with that you’re still dealing with. fuck, your stepmom fucking beats you and no one cares. i told my mom abt you on monday bc ive been worried abt you for a while noah. this whole suicidal thing with you hasnt been new and im so sorry you have to deal with this shit.” bc i am really sorry he has to deal with it. hes a good friend of mine, if he ever killed himself i wouldnt be able to live with myself.
and one more thing. - so yesterday i got into a huge fight with one of my friends over discord. he started being a bitch for no reasoning in a gc that im in and he started yelling at me and sola [if you know who that is] just bc he was pissed off or whatever the fuck the reasoning was. anyways, since i trusted him and i actually liked him as a friend i would sometimes vent and it would sometimes bc the times where i was just on the edge of killing myself and i still am. and i thought he didnt mind and i thought he actually cared abt me and he proved to me he doesnt. he called me annoying for saying i was on the edge of killing myself and then started yelling at me and shit. ill show some screenshots.
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it just got me really upset and now its going to be hard to trust people. and i hate that i feel like such a fucking failure.