Argue Better
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(it does not need to be heated or proactively trying to disprove the opposing side to be an argument. an argument is a reason or set of reasons given with the aim of persuading others that an action or idea is right or wrong, or an exchange of diverging or opposite views.)
Everyone argues, but not everyone argues well. Constructive arguing is something of an artform, and sometimes a good argument that’s handled well can even help to improve a couple’s relationship. But when things go wrong, disagreement can spiral into entrenched arguments. These types of interactions can have a toxic impact and can delay resolution of underlying issues that could otherwise help a couple to find a way of moving forward.
DISCLAIMER: These tips are not to help you win the argument but rather to help you reach a compromise or a solution together.
Try to stay calm
- Recognise the impact of your own emotions on how you communicate. If you’re not calm, your emotions may have got the better of you, and you’ll find it hard to conduct a reasoned argument. Take a deep breath, give yourself a pep talk, or count to 10. Do what you need to do to regulate those feelings so you can stay calm and explain your point of view.
Don’t retaliate
- A tennis match of criticisms and blame is exhausting and hard to resolve. This approach polarises the positions of each side and sets up a battle. If you recognise that this is happening, it’s time to disengage.
Listen actively and patiently
- If you don’t listen you won’t be able to see where the other person is coming from. And, when we don’t feel heard, we get frustrated and annoyed. Notice the other person’s body language and try to pick up on what isn’t being said as much as what is. Even if you don’t agree, acknowledging you have heard can be a big step in making positive progress.
Speak for yourself
- If something has upset you, focus on your feelings rather than criticising the act. Starting with, ‘I feel…’ can be less confrontational than saying, ‘You did this or that’. Don’t assume the other person knows how you feel and don’t make assumptions about what they are thinking.
Speak clearly
- Speak clearly about what you want and how you would like things to be like in the future. Try to resist telling your ex what they need to do differently – instead, focus on what is best for the children and how each of you can co-operate to make that happen.
Focus on points you can agree
- Reaching a compromise doesn’t mean you’ve lost ground. Look for the points you can agree on, and take a positive step forward to tackle the problem. Recognise that the best solution is one that both of you can commit to and make work.
Try to see why their solution makes sense to them
- It’s often easier said than done, particularly in the middle of an argument, but, if you can see why the other person’s point of view makes sense to them, you’ll be one step closer to working out how to resolve the issue.
Apologise when you’re in the wrong
- Be prepared to admit when you have overreacted or misunderstood. Showing respect creates a better environment for cooperation. It may even stop the argument in its tracks.
Acknowledge their feelings
- Make small gestures to show that you acknowledge their feelings. Give your full attention to show that you respect their views, even if you can’t agree.
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@Tia tbh I just want to do what feels better, getting banned
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I dont feel like you should encourage arguing let alone give advice
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Yaboralski This isn’t encouraging arguing in any way whatsoever.
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@Tia yea but its giving advice to better help people at arguing
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Yaboralski And everybody argues. Please do not hide from that fact.
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I’m going to follow my own advice and disengage with this pointless conversation.
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@Tia I’m not hiding the fact that people argue but it shouldn’t be aided
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Yaboralski I’m just giving tips on how not to argue like the immature people of any age group on this site. This didn’t need to be directed at the site only. People are going to argue regardless of whether or not it’s encouraged, so it’s better than sitting here and just letting you all miserably fail at not being stressed over a most likely stupid conversation that both parties disagree with.
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This could very well be considered an argument, just as an example. This is not heated or angry, and is just simply two people talking about a disagreement.
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can you please shorten it to 20 words or less???
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@Tia true
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@Knoxzee No. Read it or don’t argue better I guess. Lol.
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@Tia I understand your side
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This is one of the long posts which I’ve actually taken the time to read and honestly, You’re completely right in every single point. Before I used to be in the center of literally every single argument but in recent months I’ve stopped doing that. Many of the things you’ve mentioned I do myself.
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piss
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@Calistaa cat
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yes and also pee is very important