I'm writing a new mystery story Can you help?

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Any feedback?

Backupaccount

Well, first of all, give many hints to who a hidden character may be. But, make them as faint as possible. Second of all, make events occur with little to no provocation until further discovered.

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@sen2 Well this is the story

¿MØNSTER?

“Good morning everyone! It’s me, Chloe Star. Today, I will be playing fortnite so I hope you stay to watch!” Chloe started, Chloe was a famous youtuber and tiktoker. She was famous for her astonishing talent with playing any game. She had at least 40 billion followers. Which made her the 1st person to have that many followers in one week alone. After a few hours, she ended the video with a sigh. She went on to get her coat.
Chloe, “weather.. Oh. It's gonna be.. 20 out there.”
She heads outside, locking the door behind her.
As she is getting to her car she sees a black van parked in her driveway. The van had tinted windows. So tinted she could not see the driver who was staring at her.
Chloe got in her car in a hurry, as she remembered, her mother needed her in the hospital. She got in the car, and turned the key in the ignition “𝗥𝗿𝗿𝗿𝗿𝗿𝗿𝗿𝗿… 𝘿𝙧𝙧𝙧𝙫𝙫𝙫𝙫𝙫𝙫..!” The Engine roared.
Chloe drove out of the driveway, the black van was still parked in the driveway. She shrugged it off and drove out of her neighborhood.
Chloe drove to the hospital and as she passed each green light she wondered if her mother was alright. As the doctors were the one who called her earlier from the video she made. Chloe makes it to the Hospital and looks at the time. 2:50AM She got out of the car and made her way inside of the white and red building with a cold Alcoholic smell inside.
She looked at the Nurse Who, at the time was typing away on her computer
Nurse, “Hello dear, name?”
Chloe, “Chloe Star.”
Nurse, “are you the daughter of Nicole star?”
Chloe, “Yes ma’am.”
Nurse, “Okay, she’s right in room 203. Go down this hall, and up those stairs.”
Chloe, “Okay, thanks.”
She walked behind the nurses desk and down the hall. Every step she took, she was pondering her mom and her condition.
Chloe, “is she getting worse..? Is she getting better..?”
When she turned the hall, up the stairs, and down the Second floor hallway, she counted the rooms to herself.
Chloe, “198… 199… 200… 201… 202… 203.” She stopped for a moment, sighed to herself, and walked into the room.