I've Done Some Stuff With My Book. [A Little Thanks To Kumi For The Help :>]
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OLD TITLE
The Game of FriendsNEW TITLE
The WhisperAbout
A Girl falls into a bush and dies. Her friends are puzzled at what to do, Meanwhile. The dead girl comes with powers to tell how people die. If her powers ever run out, there is a 90% chance sheâll be brought back to life.Chapter 1
A group of friends were engaged outdoors activities when Misty accidentally stepped on a rock and fell into a nearby bush. Reagan expressed concern as Misty failed to emerge from the bush, prompting her to inquire if anyone had witnessed the incident. While Violetta and Marcy confirmed that they had seen Misty fall into the bush, it became apparent that Misty was nowhere to be found. âWhere did she go?â Reagan had asked. Everyone except Misty herself responded affirmatively to Reaganâs question, leading to the realization that Misty was indeed gone. âHoly molyâŠguys Sheâs goneâŠâ Marcy was scared that her friend Misty was gone, her voice got shaky and Reagan turned to Violetta. âViolet, you were last with her, what did you do?â Reagan said in a firm voice. âNothing, i was playing with Tanya.â Violetta said in a stern voice. âThatâs not true! I was actually playing with Esther!â Tanya said in a slight yelling voice. âUgh, you down syndrome people. I was playig with you Tanya, Iâm not ugly.â Violetta said. âVioletta, itâs not appropriate to use the term âDown syndromeâ as an insult,â Marcy said, her voice firm but gentle. âItâs a genetic disorder that affects people in different ways, and itâs not something to be taken lightly.â Violetta looked down, her face reddening. âI know that, Marcy. My apologies for using it in that way.â Reagan stepped forward, her eyes flashing. âAnd another thing, Violetta. Misty is not my girlfriend. Weâve only known each other for two months, and weâre not in a romantic relationshipâ Tanya continued, âI understand that you both have different perspectives on this situation, but letâs try to find a way to resolve this conflict peacefully. Name-calling and personal attacks arenât going to help us find a solution.â Marcy nodded in agreement. âYouâre right, Tanya. My apologies for my part in escalating the situation. Letâs focus on finding a way to address Violettaâs concerns about Mistyâs behavior.â Violetta crossed her arms, looking unimpressed. âI donât see why I should have to compromiseâ Violetta: (laughing) Well, I suppose itâs a bit amusing. Marcy: (sarcastically) Oh, really? You think so? Because you just said it wasnât funny, and now youâre laughing. Violetta: (smiling) I know, I know. Itâs just a little ironic, thatâs all. Marcy: (skeptical) Ironic? Thatâs not irony, Violetta. Thatâs just plain confusing. Violetta: (chuckling) Alright, alright. Maybe I didnât phrase it correctly. But come on, you have to admit, itâs a bit strange that weâre all standing here talking about how Misty is gone and my girlfriend. " Reagan got pissed but kept her calm in a stern voice.
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@LeeAlwaysKnows said in I've Done Some Stuff With My Book. [A Little Thanks To Kumi For The Help :>]:
A Girl falls into a bush and dies.
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@LeeAlwaysKnows Do you need Help with this??
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@Kumi-Hoshi Nahh Itâs all good.
I think âŠ
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@LeeAlwaysKnows
Your version:
A Girl falls into a bush and dies. Her friends are puzzled at what to do, Meanwhile. The dead girl comes with powers to tell how people die. If her powers ever run out, there is a 90% chance sheâll be brought back to life.
To enhance the excitement and engagement factor of your original text, consider incorporating the following revisions:
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Add vivid descriptions and sensory details to immerse readers in the scene. For example, describe the texture of the bush or the expressions on the charactersâ faces.
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Use active verbs and varied sentence structures to create a sense of urgency and action.
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Create suspenseful transitions between scenes or ideas to keep readers engaged and curious about what happens next.
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Humanize the characters by giving them names and personalities, allowing readers to form emotional connections with them.
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Build up anticipation and intrigue around the supernatural elements, such as the girlâs newfound powers and her potential return to life. This can help generate questions and curiosity in the readerâs mind.
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Consider adding dialogue between the characters to break up blocks of text and add realism to the story.
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Finally, use descriptive language to convey emotion and mood throughout the passage, helping to draw readers deeper into the narrative.
By making these changes, you can transform a simple sequence of events into a captivating story full of depth and wonder.
Hereâs what youâd be left off with.
In an unexpected twist of fate, a young girl plunges into a dense thicket, only to meet her untimely end. Amidst the chaos and confusion, her distraught companions grapple with their loss, struggling to comprehend the sudden turn of events.
As if guided by some invisible force, the young woman tumbles headfirst through the dense thicket of foliage, landing with a soft thud onto the damp earth below. But just as suddenly, her eyes flutter closed, and her breathing stills.
In that fleeting moment between life and death, a spectral figure emerges from the darkness, cloaked in mist and whispers. Its voice resonates deep within her soul, bestowing upon her incredible powers beyond human understanding. With a final breath, the ethereal being vanishes, leaving behind a legacy that will forever change the course of history.
Armed with this newfound knowledge, the fallen maiden embraces her destiny, rising once more to deliver justice to those who languish in ignorance. Though she knows not where this journey may lead nor how long it shall last, one thing remains certain: she alone possesses the key to unlocking the enigma of mortality itself.
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@Kumi-Hoshi said in I've Done Some Stuff With My Book. [A Little Thanks To Kumi For The Help :>]:
@LeeAlwaysKnows
In an unexpected twist of fate, a young girl plunges into a dense thicket, only to meet her untimely end.
In that fleeting moment between life and death,HELP
ITâS GOOD BUT IT CAUGHT ME OFF GAURD
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@LeeAlwaysKnows Itâs good or bad?
Thicket means bush LOLLL
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@Kumi-Hoshi ITâS GOOD
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@LeeAlwaysKnows Ohh !! Lol I can help you write it if ya like?
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@Kumi-Hoshi I honestly donât care xD, itâs only up to you :)
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@LeeAlwaysKnows But itâs your storyyyy :,>
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@Kumi-Hoshi Fineeee, okay iâll need help because iâm stoopid. :,>
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I donât care about your dumb ass book.
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@Lee_Know And I donât care about your dumb ass life.
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@Lee_Know