a poem i wrote about my experience with depression (tw mentions of self harm and suicidal ideation)

[finn.in.outer.space.]

my perfect,
i want to smile,
can’t remember how,
i haven’t for awhile.

i hate myself,
but i love myself,
it’s a constant battle,
i can’t win.

i hear the voices
im not enough
i try and try
to call their bluff
but are they wrong?

sometimes i lay and wonder
whats wrong with me?

so sometimes i cry,
i want to die,
even though deep down i don’t.

i take the lighter to my skin,
and cheat the battle i cant win.

and welcome stranger,
into the mind,
and life of finn.

---

jic you couldnt tell what this porm was about, its about my experiences with depression, but the thing is i cant really “get my depression under control” since its caused by lack of chemicals in my brain, not really something i can change. so its a constant battle with my lack of serotonin and sometimes it gets to me. i dont self harm anymore, but i used to a lot. so this was my way of bringing awareness to clincal depression caused by lack of serotonin. remember that theres some things therapy cant cure. and for me, thats my depression. no matter how many worksheets or how much talking i do, i always end up hating myself and having this really bad suicidal ideation and ill never go through with trying it again but its hard to live in a constant battle in your head, which i really cant fucking win. but yeah, hope you enjoyed this poem <33