(I don't have a name for this book yet.) (Tw: Cause of deaths mentioned)
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Context: They’re in a circus purgatory with their physical bodies. So she got smothered and drowned in a pool, and he took himself out. (He killed her btw)
I know it’s wrong. I know loving him is so wrong! For so many reasons. They call me crazy, but…
At first, I only acted like that towards him so he would leave the others alone. Eventually, I became his plaything. His doll. No…his puppet. He tormented and terrorized me. Did things that he knew would make me fearful of the people and things around me. I became restless at night. I couldn’t sleep. But…then he started to change. He became sweeter. He treated me better. He only got scary when he got hit. It was almost like he had a masochist side to him that he learned to control on the daily, except for those few times…
I didn’t know what was happening. I got more scared. My feelings towards him started to change. Almost love? No… Well…maybe?
…
I locked myself away in my room. I never left. I hardly slept, and my mind was in a spiral. “It’s wrong! He’s a killer! You should hate him! You should despise him,” I told myself. I just couldn’t bring myself to hate him.
He danced with me, and he complimented me. He told me I looked pretty. I didn’t get that often when I was alive. I got told I was fat and ugly. Fucking Russian ballet teachers. He made me feel special…
…
He would come to my room door every night, and would ask me to come out and talk to him. Begged, even. God, how I hated to hear that sentence every night. “Mads, please come out and talk to me. I don’t understand! What’s going on?” I always turned him away or ignored him, sitting on my bed, on the brink of tears every time I heard his voice.
…
I told myself: I know it’s all so shallow, but a shallow cut still stings, and before my heart becomes Amelia’s heir, I need to clip its wings….I need to keep distancing myself from him…
[END EXCERPT]How should their story end? Should she talk to him and explain how she feels, or should he live in the dark, unsure of what’s happening, why she won’t talk to him.
Also yes, the “I know it’s all so shallow, but a shallow cut still stings, and before my heart becomes Amelia’s heir, I need to clip its wings…” is a reference to “Don’t You Dare (Make Me Fall In Love With You)” by Kaden MacKay. And actually, the “Amelia’s Heir” is a reference of sorts.
This is a play on words in reference to Amelia Earhart (Amelia-heir-heart). It’s playing on the idea of the heart “taking flight”, a common idiom of love. However, Amelia Earhart famously went missing during a flight over the Pacific–in other words, before my heart, too, is lost, I need to keep it from “taking flight” by removing its ability to fly. -
Also someone please tell me where to go with this. I have such writer’s block.
