Take a look inside my diary. TW: Abuse, Narcissistic parents, Hitting
This is important.
Also the date is by day, month, year.
So, I’ve written some entries in my notebook and I call it a diary so Here you go.
So… today I cried. twice. I held my sister while crying and talking to myself. I feel as if I’m my own comfort in this hellish world. I am no longer at war with myself or my younger sister as I had two traumatizing dreams of her dying. I just want everything to end. Nobody seems to care until you die. I hate society’s rules. I can’t go on another day though. everyone is driving me fucking insane and blaming me. I can’t take it. Help me.
To whoever may be reading this, My mental state is dying. every day I am thinking of ways to end it all. My ex-best friend, sally, wants me dead. My friends don’t care about me and treat me like a damn child. At this point why try? No one seems to care till you die.
Alright, so my life hasn’t been so great. I’ve been bullied about how I looked since the second grade. I almost stabbed a teacher in the fourth grade on accident because some girl stole my pen and I didn’t have another pencil so I tried taking it back. In the end, my teacher told me I was going to be a horrible sister if I keep my act up… I have to respond with “Yes ma’am” and “Yes sir” To my parents. MY PARENTS! I got beaten emotionally and physically by my parents because “Discipline teaches kids these days”. I got a babysitter when I was 8-9 and she was an asshole. She braided my hair TOO tight, she whooped one day when this boy who she was also babysitting was too loud but she thought both of us were loud. No matter what I said she didn’t believe me and gave me 3 hard wacks. I told my parents and they just brushed it off and said I was loud too. Also, that same boy tried to rape me. He showed me his dick twice.
I have the right to scream. But I’m not allowed to. i have the right to Be mad. But I’m not allowed to. I have the right to smile and laugh… But I’m not allowed to.