The Automatic Smart Announcement System (also known as ASAS) is the facility's artificial intelligence, used to announce events, and ambient announcements (like reminders).
The system (ASAS v1.7.3) runs 24/7 and on full overdrive during dark hours to maintain all systems and to defend the site. Despite being connected to all systems, ASAS is unable to operate the core or any emergency systems.

Inaction
Staff reminder, inaction is conspiracy, report counter behaviour to your supervisor or security officer immediately.

Volcanic Temperature
Today's average volcanic temperature is, one thousand ten degrees, irregular volcanic activity probability is 72%. Code: Alert, Duty, Sacrifice.

Operation Percentage
Reactor core now operating at: 60%, thermal generators now operating at: 85%.

Gdadnh
Can Doctor Gdadnh please report to: Office complex, Level 3, Conference room.

Man Down
Security officer reports: Man down in sector D, medical help required.

Pizza Day
Don’t forget, today is pizza day, so head on down to the cafeteria for a hot slice!

Ventilation Biological Forms
Warning, unauthorized biological forms detected in: Ventilation system.

Sector C Biological Forms
Warning, unauthorized biological forms detected in: Sector C.

Facility Personnel Safety
Remember, the safety of our facility personnel is very important. If you are ill or feel unwell, please report to the medical room. If you see any damaged equipment, please report it to the nearest security officer. For science.

Skiddy Bop Mm Dada
Staff reminder, the phrase, “Skiddy bop mm dada” is still banned at all times, usage of the phrase is grounds for immediate termination.

Super Cool Laser Lab
Doctor Ignorant, Doctor Dave, Doctor Dull, Doctor Yard, Please report to super cool laser lab for audit team review, scheduled in: 15 minutes.

Identification Badge
Reminder, all facility personnel and authorized visitors are to wear their identification badge at all times, if your intended destination is a high security area, please make sure that you possess all required security and identification materials.

Radiation Spillage
Radiation spillage detected, emergency cleanup team report to: Storage room 1, Immediately.

Doctor Herp_Pigeon
Coded message for: Dr Herp Pigeon, Delta Bread Control.

Magma Creature Showcase
A reminder to all visitors, the magma creature showcase will commence today at: 1 PM, located at: Sector D, Biodome Watchtower.

Pizza Day Bandit
Don’t forget, today is the annual pizza day celebration, so head on down to the cafeteria and grab yourself a hot slice. The bounty for the pizza day bandit has risen to 5,000 credits.

Security Recruit
Do you think you, your friend or a relative can make a valuable addition to the Innovation Security Force? Immediate openings are available, please contact Recruitment Officers for more information.

Sector D Machinery
Hazard reminder, construction is occurring at the advanced machinery area of sector D. Please be aware of moving machinery.

Checkpoint Theta
Agent Strohmeier reports, Mr AnimeRiceFarmer, report to: Topside Checkpoint Theta for immediate questioning.

Checkpoint Upsilon
Attention. Communications failure with: Topside, Checkpoint Upsilon. Entrance 6B personnel, please be on high alert.

Checkpoint Bravo
Security Officer Calhoon, report to: Containment Sector, Checkpoint Bravo, immediately.

Catherine Chun
Attention, Catherine Chun, please report to: Topside, Command and Communication.

Julia Jones
Attention, Julia Jones, report to your nearest security officer for an immediate security check.

Devin Kennedy
Officer Devin Kennedy, please call: 34641.

Carl Semken
Maintenance Officer Carl Semken reports: Hazardous radioactive leak detected in: Sub Level 1A, Entrance Area.

XK Class Scenario
In the extremely unlikely event of an XK class end of the world scenario, don’t panic, it won’t help. Nothing will help. You can do nothing, just accept your fate.

Laboratory 7
Attention, Emergency medical and cleanup team, report to: Sector D, Laboratory 7, immediately.

Madattak Has Arrived
Mr AnimeRiceFarmer is required in: Topside, Visitor Centre, Doctor Madattak has arrived.

No Smoking, Farting, Eating or Drinking
Staff reminder, due to high toxicity materials routinely handled within the facility compound, no smoking, farting, eating or drinking is permitted within the facility. Exceptions apply.

Posts made by The Limbo Master