I made a post asking if you guys wanted to know what I have been writing in my notebook and like two people said sure so I’ll do it now.

“Monday 8, 2023 - May
Today hasn’t been going as planned. Like at all. I told myself I wouldn’t cry or any any temptations to cut myself and I’m thinking about both of those things. I’m just upset about everything right now. My brother has been lashing out on my mom and me but mostly my mom like all weekend. He ended up messing up her shoulder becoming he got mad that he got caught with stealing my moms weed so he ended up pushing her and called her not okay names. And then yesterday my mom ended up calling me on kayas phone asking me if I could just stay there another night and just go to school with them and then come back home after school because my brother pushed my mom AGAIN for no fucking reason. I obviously wasn’t there and my mom was glad I wasn’t because she said that if I was there I most likely would have gotten hit too. I’m just… scared something bad is going to happen to me or my mom because of my brother’s actions. I feel so bad for my mom but right now I feel bad for xay too. I know im hurting them and not treating them right and it upsets me when they don’t vent to me or when they think they’re hurting me, it gets me to the point where I just break down and cry thinking on why those thoughts are even running through their smart ass brain. I love them with literally everything I have and I’m really trying my best to get my phone back but I feel like everything I do I can never get it back. I already got yelled at my my principal telling me that I can’t have any electronics when if I recall, the vice principal told me that I can’t have any computers not anything else. And now I have to worry about whether or not my principal told my mom because if he did then my mom would know and then me asking for my phone back would just be a no go. I have so much on my mind I can barely think. I still have to deal with the things with my ex stepdad and I’m really stressed about that. He promised my mom that he wouldn’t make me testify and he’s doing the complete opposite. He’s basically off free handed when I am over here still having to go through this. Maybe for him it won’t stick around in his head but I don’t think he notices that it IS going to stay with me for the rest of my life. I’m the one who has to still deal with this and always will be. I feel like everything I even try to do to no remember it, it never works, im useless. I FEEL useless. All the pain I’m going through is slowly starting to get to me. And I can’t cut because I promised xay I wouldn’t. I’m keeping that promise because I can’t break that. They’re my soulmate and I mean that. If I hurt them, I hurt myself. And honest to god, they aren’t hurting me. They’re helping me more than anything. If anyone tells me to break up with the id never listen, I ended up listening once and it almost lead me to kill myself. I’m just stressed. I’m okay. :)”

ik, it’s a lot. i can do my other days if you guys want :]

@xay-is-hot-duh i do but it aint goofy ahh

@HEXER she’s not okay rn so I’m terrified

@Creati_132 i know

@Michi4959 :)

@Creati_132 Nah you waited 45 min to respond to my dm

Toxica 48bc2cb2-9fcc-4d27-94e7-38e7001d9d8f-image.png

me wearing th curry shirt😭

@HEXER
BISH U FINE ASF WHAT U MEAN?

I could see it on your face, it was rough
Left a bad taste on your tongue
And she didn’t even take any drugs
She would rain all day, couldn’t wait for her sun to shine
And you made it shine
There when she cried, you saved her life

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@rylie-is-hot-duh its otay :] ill be able to see that hot face of yours later today<33

Perfect - My Darkest Days

I was fine right before I met her
Never hurt and nothing could control me
You know I tried but I can’t regret her
She’s the first, ask anyone who knows me
Terrified that she’d find my heart and break it
Paralyzed by the thought of her with someone else

I wish I would’ve known
I shouldn’t have fallen in love with her
It’s been nothing but trouble till now
I shouldn’t have fallen in love at all
But I couldn’t stop myself
What gives you the right
To tear up my life?
How dare she be so perfect
What did I do to deserve this? (woooh)
(I’ll never let her go)
How dare she be so perfect
(You started in the fire)

I haven’t cried since the day she left me
Cause that would mean that I admit it’s over
I tell myself that she’s tryin’ to test me
She’d never leave, she still needs me to hold her
Horrified cause she found my heart and broke it
Mortified when I picture her with someone else

I wish I would’ve known
I shouldn’t have fallen in love with her
It’s been nothing but trouble till now
I shouldn’t have fallen in love at all
But I couldn’t stop myself
What gives you the right
To tear up my life?
How dare she be so perfect
What did I do to deserve this? (woooh)
I gotta let her go
How dare she be so perfect

Tell me why
You started the fire
And played me like that [x2]

[x4] Ooooh
I shouldn’t have fallen in love with her
It’s been nothing but trouble till now
I shouldn’t have fallen in love at all
But I couldn’t stop myself
(I gotta let her go)
Who gives you the right
To tear up my life?
How dare she be so perfect
What did I do to deserve this? (woooh)
(I gotta let her go)
How dare she be so perfect

Tell me why
You started the fire
And played me like that [x2]

@Pico-PipeBomb Ah my cats, Dust and Floor. Nah but the orange one is Hank and the grey one is Kai

@5Star_bean3r God and Jesus have arrived on MPP. “777”.

Toxica …

bye

@That-Machine Oh that makes since

JDP_Random You’re right, I should redraw them like that.

Toxica Cya

@5Star_bean3r
tell izzy i said congrats… :)