just kinda wanted to point this out to you. ((is a vent.))
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my mental state it really fucking shitty rn.
idk what else to do tbh bc i dont wanna go into a mental hospital bc then i would just go crazy, but i want help but i dont know how to get it anymore.
im still amazingly okay if you come to me still to vent or to just talk abt whats going on with your beautiful selves.
but i just wanted to point this out.
im really sorry to the people who dont know what has even been going on with me and ill gladly explain now.
i havent been the best with keeping myself… up beat. ive been suicidal and depressed for a long time now and i can really see it coming to the point where im just falling down and failing myself everyday. i make mistakes everyday of my life and i can tell you that waking up is one of those mistakes. ive never felt this bad abt myself as i do now and im really fucking sorry to the people who have to deal with my dumb problems. and i cant stop thinking if i have to testify again with my dumbass stepdad shit. if you dont know ill gladly tell you privately if i even feel okay to tell you.
ive changed. and i never wanna talk abt my feelings bc ik ill upset people and ik ill regret it sooner or later but this is killing me not being able to stop the pain im going through. have i smiled recently, yes, have i laughed, yes, have i been happy, yes, but that still doesnt mean that im happy go lucky bc im not… im really not. and i feel bad for all the mistakes i have done in the past and i feel really bad for failing a lot of people including myself and i wish i could turn back time and make myself so much happier than what i am now. it shouldnt bother me this bad rn bc it usually doesnt but im really trying to hold on the best i can and antidepressants arent working well for me.
im really sorry you guys have to deal with my bs everyday. i honestly wish i could just not wake up and i wont have to worry abt so many people i could hurt. it really hurts me when i do hurt people and i wish i didnt but i do anyways. ill try to be a better person as well as a better friend bc ik im a shitty friend. but i do have to give credit to the friends of mine that have stayed with me and have dealt with my shit throughout the years of friendships.
you dont have to care abt this post i just wanted to share my feelings ig. -
@That-One-Dead-Man hey, it’s okay. I know that when you make mistakes it’s hard to really deal with all of those things, trust me I’ve had to learn that. Also, I understand you, and whatever is going on, is temporary. Even if it doesn’t feel like it. I personally think you waking up is an achievement. Cause you’re still here even after all you’re going through right now. I know it’ll get better for you, time is a tricky thing, eh. But anyways, you can talk to me. I’m always available even when it seems like I’m not. You can talk to me. And I’m pretty sure you have people here you can also talk to. If you need to rant, vent, scream, whatever. Just know I’m here for you, I feel for you, and I empathize with you. I really do. It’s hard to get out of that horrible mental bubble. <3<3<3
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im feeling the same man
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Jakeeeee i dont wanna be alive anymore tbh
