Gosh why can't I just get rid of it

[A Former User]

These thoughts. I’m terrified man. I can’t stop thinking about last summer. The fear I had sent into me every second. The loss I nearly suffered. I can’t stop thinking about it. I know she’s okay now but I still can’t help but relive those moments every now and then. Being in my room. Surrounded by so many thoughts, so many overstimulators, and then having that one thing, begging, and pleading, and trying to make sure that one person is okay, bring terrified, wanting to be alone so you can save them, having to suffer with the damage. I couldn’t bear it and couldn’t take it. All that shit I had to go through within two years fucked me up so bad I just find myself crying myself to sleep holding myself as I check the clock over and over and over and over and over and over and check to see if there’s a message maybe, just finding myself lost in my head. I was so scarred, so terrified, so lost, so hurt, and all I wanted was a safe haven but I never found that, instead I had to have things thrown at me constantly every day every second and it was my responsibility, to handle without crying or getting upset or I’d be in the wrong. Being alone most nights. And then the little things people say, triggering me, but I can’t tell them, feeling scared that they did the same thing too and just hiding and hiding in my head trying to save myself again.

I deleted most of my photos, I deleted and threw out, and changed almost everything so I wouldn’t remember. I don’t wanna remember. I don’t wanna remember. I don’t wanna remember…

[A Former User]

@Hexers-Angel Oh no :( Who is scaring you like this?