My opinion on arguing with your s/o.
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Honestly I feel like there’s a point where the lovey dovey stuff comes to an end. Not a full stop, but almost like a semi colon. You start fighting about morals, priorities, understanding, communication, mental health issues, family issues, personal struggles, trauma responses… And at some point you have to think to yourself in the midst of all that chaos, “it’s not bad, you guys aren’t breaking up, and your relationship isn’t falling apart. You’re learning the hard way because the easy way out would leave you both heartbroken. It’s better this way to fight than to suffer in silence.” And when you think that to yourself, also keep in mind that no, not all fighting is healthy. Fighting can most DEFINITELY be toxic. But when you learn from those fights and you learn how to love better and you get better, you start to realize it’s all okay. Yes, we do fight, me and my gf. We used to fight so often it was hurting both of our mentalities. But we realized that the issue was the tactics and words and ways of meaning and tones we were using. Using the same repetitive argument over and over gets you nowhere. The back and forth gets you nowhere, but you realize it was good to have that back and forth so you stop. It was good to have that silent treatment so you learn how to handle your partners and your own feelings and emotions in that moment. When texting and talking becomes dry you take it personally but understand always showing that isn’t okay. My gf might not be okay so she might be dry or unresponsive, and it’s my job as her boyfriend and as her loving partner to understand she doesn’t mean to harm me and doesn’t mean to make me feel that way, and I can’t make her feel bad for feeling like shit. You gotta realize that the people who care most in your life will be the ones you drill that sense into your brain so you can better understand them. And you gotta do the same too. I had to constantly and constantly remind my gf about a lot of things, and she’s gotten so much better at breaking habits and understanding MY feelings too.
Not saying you should intentionally cause a fight or start an argument, but sometimes when soft communication isnt all that well, you NEED to have those three hours long harsh deep heart wrenching conversations you hate to get both points across. I understood that from my parents.
They fought cause they loved not only me and my brothers, but because they loved being married to each other. They fought to save themselves and to save us. Though I am partially scarred from what I’ve watched and seen and felt, i appreciate them for trying to talk in the first place, and ending it with them still being married at 19 years starting today on their anniversary, and they’re the happiest they’ve ever been together.
I have so much faith and pride and joy and love for this woman I am with. Because she made me a better man, a better boyfriend, a better kid, a better student, a better friend, a better lover, a better communicator, more compassionate, and taught me what REAL love feels like. This. Is love. And I love her till death do us part and far beyond then.
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you know what is toxic though
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@Ukulele This is good stuff. Thank you.
