if you bestie simp or not even bestie simp for me upvote this

my friend connor came to me and asked me if he could ask me a question so i said sure and... and he asked me if i knew what the suicide hotline is so i asked why and he said "because my last attempt didn't go well and I'm considering trying again." and he lives in California so i quickly looked up what the number was in California and i told him and he said "thank you so much. It really, really means a lot Rylie." like... what do i do..? i feel like such a failure bc i should have been there for him more and if he ends up killing himself its my fault.. i dont know what to do other than to cry and keep trying to tell myself that hes going to be okay..
suicide isnt funny. dont fake it and dont just tell people "oh i cut how funny is that" bc its not funny. losing yourself or losing someone that means a lot to you from suicide isnt funny or cool. it fucking sucks. suicide is one of the top things that honestly could kill someone from a broken heart. it hurts... if any of you need to talk to someone pls go to someone you can trust or call for help man. this shit fucking hurts..

im really sorry if i offend anyone by this but im confused.
how tf can you be non-binary and lesbian at the same time-?
like- non-binary means you dont know what gender you wanna be so that means you dont know if you wanna be male or female and lesbian is literally girl on girl bruh so like how tf can you be non-binary and lesbian at the same time???
i get it if like you were pansexual bc pan is where you date anything basically so like if you were pan and non-binary ig that would make more since but like being non-binary and lesbian at the same time when lesbian means you like girls and its a girl on girl and you dont even know what gender you wanna be doesnt make sense man.
again, im sorry if i offended anyone by this. im just confused-

username/name - rylie/laz jeanette colon

age: im currently 15 years old [will be 16 on february 28, 2008]

how long have you been a part of this community? - ive been apart of mppc for a few years now and i believe ive been on mpp for about 6 or 7 years.

how do you think you can help the mod team be effective? - i would help them make sure that everyone is doing what they are supposed to be doing. i know that ive started drama myself but theres a lot of drama that happens around mppc so i would at least try and do my best to help the mod team be able to stop the drama - as well as a lot of people like to make "alt" accounts just to try and be funny to set people off. this gets highly annoying and effective due to other making accounts and be racist, sexual, disrespectful, and a lot of other things. it would be a hard work to do but im sure that i could manage it.

have you ever been muted or banned, if so, what for? - yes, i got banned once for like a day or so bc i got banned instead of another person so when i was able to i talked to an administrator or moderator [i dont remember which one exactly] and i got it taken care of.
i did also almost get banned from past drama that happened. im sure the post is down now but i had to basically say what was going on and two people got banned from it [wont say names] but i was slightly in the middle of it so im sure i was close to getting banned but i talked to a moderator and talked to them about it and it was all figured out.

what are some good leadership traits - i have a lot of good leadership traits that honestly i havent really even stopped to notice them. i always listen to others with anything that has been going on whether its a venting issue or drama and such.
im not afraid to ask questions. if something is confusing to me ill ask a question right then and there to get the right answers.
im not a follower, im a leader. i dont follow the people who do bad mistakes, i try to teach those people into going onto the path of making things better.
im not a judgmental human being. i dont look at someone and judge them. i look at someone and i try and get to know them and if they end up beginning to show me that they're rude and nasty then ill slowly start judging them. but usually i dont even do that. "never judge a book by its cover," is a really big fact.

how many hours/days are you able to be online per week? - im usually on here when i can be. im not going to be remotely specific on how much hours a day i spend on here or how much days i do come on here. i have a huge impact on life right now that i need to try and get a hang of so i come online when i can. :)

have you had any previous moderation experience? - no, i have not. but id be honored to have the experience of being a moderator. i honestly always thought that i would/never be able to have the ability to have the chance to try and make a chance for the community and people in it but id love to have that chance. but, being a moderator is a lot to handle. its a lot of responsibility that im sure i have. im responsible when i need to be and thats rather than all the time. i mean, there are times that i havent been as responsive with the actions and things ive done but i can if i try.

[bonus] who is your favorite moderator/admin, and why do you look up to them? - to all the mods and admins that are out there id roughly have to say, shazz. shazz is an amazing moderator and has helped everyone throughout the strong power that he has. he is a talented person and an amazing person. he has helped me through such rough patches and is still willing to help with anything i ask. no matter how difficult it gets, hes always there and doesnt worry about himself half the time. shazz is like me. he looks forward instead of backwards. he makes everyone his first and top priority and puts himself in last place. but, shazz has been an amazing help to this community and i appreciate everything that he has done. i look up to him from the bottom of my heart that he wont break me down. the things he does for everyone is from every little tiny piece of his heart - and to me, thats amazing. i see so much apathy in the things he does, and its great to see how much progress he has done in life so far. thank for everything shazz, i love you.

i put this as off-topic but like its really truee..




@Duncan
yes, i have pictures of you that i ssed<33
anyways,
why i made this post is to tell you that i'm amazed by the beauty of an amazing person and an amazing friend. you've been there for me even if your down. if i could see a day of you not here with me i wouldnt be able to find myself well. i love everything abt you and im glad i'm friends with you. i couldn't ask for anything better of you and i really wish you would see more in yourself than just a piece of trash. i'm really sorry for anything i've ever upset you by and i really wish i could help you better but i always try my best. your worth more than you think and you should really believe me and others when they tell you true things abt you. you matter and your fucking amazing <3
your smexy wexy too bro
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3

i have just gone through my notifications and saw that cyx has made a post and it was; "It happened. (mods, lock this please.)" so if you havent looked into that then please do and this topic should explain things a lot more.
so, cyx, i am highly sorry that you and your girlfriend broke up. thats something not only i know but mostly everyone else here knows how that feels. when you end up finding someone who you know is going to be the right person for you or who your going to be with forever and everything turns out amazing until something horrible happens and you dont know what to do bc its all turned to complete crap bc of the horrible thing that happens. in this case, you had to tell your parents and they werent happy about it so you had to break up with her bc of your parents. now, this is common thing. this happens all the time where someone is dating someone else whether its online or in person [it mostly happens when the other person is online] and the parent ends up finding out and then theres just a whole mess in between. i know how that is. literally for example, me and xay. theres some problems in between there that isnt going to be brought up but my mom told me that if she ends up finding out that im still dating them shes going to take my phone away from me to where i cant. and that honestly scares me bc in my head im like "oh shit, if i get caught dating someone that honestly means the world to me then i wont be able to talk to them again." and thats one of the things i lie about. when i talk about them i say that they're just my friend and that i just care about them a lot. and you know, i used to lie to my mom a lot but i stopped a while ago so this is a new thing to just lie to my mom about someone who makes me smile most of the time. so i get it, i understand. i understand why your so hurt, and i understand why your also probably upset at your parents as well. breakups arent easy. ive been through a lot of breakups and im sure you have too. but you know, when you have to break up with the one top person that makes you happy and you've probably promised that you'd never break up with them, it hurts. and its going to hurt bc that person you were with was an angel in your eyes and you had to leave that angel behind bc of people that got upset at you for it. you wont be okay as of for now. i will be honest with that. but what i can be honest with the part where i say that everything will be okay. no matter how much pain it leads to, you'll be okay.

@Global-Moderators if you please you can lock this post but this post isnt just for one person, its for everyone that has gone through something horrible like this case, a breakup. but if needed, you may lock the post. just wanted to say a few things tho. :)

upvote if you have a crush on me

why tf do you guys have to be so fucking disrespectful? like tf?
honestly i'm starting to get really fucking tired of the people who make posts saying that other people are the ones who are causing drama and other people are the ones who are being rude to you and to others and other people are just so fucking bad its not worth being on this site.
but then i see posts that you make and your the one whos being rude and your the one whos treating everyone like fucking trash bc your pissed off or bc you dont care.
if you didnt fucking care THEN DONT FUCKING POST ON THEIR POST.
like god fucking damn.
and yk what really fucking gets me.
is when @Kaya-Rose makes a post abt THEIR DEAD FUCKING DOG and you got kids who think they're funny and say "wow, didnt know you were pregnant just bc of the title" bitch wtf? it hurts kaya really fucking bad when they make posts and no one seems to give a shit or people just have rude ass fucking comments for no reason. they're my best fucking friend so ofc im going to make a post abt this and ofc im going to be pissed off at the people who dont tend to give two shits what other people feel like. ive had enough of it. and im really fucking glad for those who actually tend to care and actually have good things to say and actually give a flying fuck abt what others feel but yk it hurts a lot when you got shitty fucking people like this.
hate me for this post, i really dont care. im stating a fucking point that really needs to stop bc im done with it.
ty for your time.

a couple days ago i kinda stopped taking my antidepressants and i was really thinking abt overdosing on them. i didn't obviously but i sure was thinking abt it. anyways, so i told my brother abt it and i told myself i wouldn't tell my mom but i did anyways and we were going to go to the er for me to end up going to a mental hospital but she ended up just calling my doctor and talking to her instead. she said that i shouldnt take my meds for right now to see if that was the problem but the thing is is that people think it's just my meds. i started poking my hand with a pin almost every time i go to school. it's either a paperclip or it's some other sharp object since my mom took my pins away bc of it. and ive been suicidal and depressed for quite some time now. and i finally decided that im not going to share my feelings as much anymore bc i feel like its a bad idea. im just not in a really good state rn so. but don't worry abt me much, im just- here.
and ik Kirito did some things that might not be forgiving but his death is making it really hard to think anymore. i miss him a lot and i don't take suicide lightly even tho im struggling with it.

okay, this post does make a lot of sense.
i get that it falls under the rep abuse but honestly some people havent gotten over the thing that zey did. i dont remember what they did but all i know is that it was very disturbing. so i get it that its not right to downvote everything they say but like i said, some people might not have gotten over the thing he did. and if they made a post saying sorry and some people are still downvoting then obviously they dont care or they just dont like the post. but i do get your point with the downvoting. maybe take it down a bit.

@sadboy_bees aww :)

@Tsubasa-Hasashi aww... im so sorry.

@Tsubasa-Hasashi aww :( im sorry

@Tsubasa-Hasashi im so sorry he did that. thats honestly fucked up. and he kinda did the same thing to my brother. he said that he hopes my brother dies like my grandma did and she died of stage 4 cancer.

@omgitsfinneas i do agree.

@Sen ayo???

@Tsubasa-Hasashi yep.

@Thetruepath let people say what they wanna say first ig.

the shit with Michael or Cameron from whatever name you know him as better not come up to me. i fucking hate him and when i say that i hate him, i hate him. he got me so attached to him that i would have blocked whoever he told me to. and before any of you say "oh no, we have another cheater here" im not a fucking cheater and i know that someone cant make you do anything but this sick man whore made me. i told him no and he kept making my hormones worse to the point where i said okay. he told me a lot of shit that he didnt mean but i believed it bc i got too attached to him and he got me to the point where i didnt care. the things he told me was shit like "nobody will know," "your perfect," "your my soulmate," "i wont tell," "i love you so much rylie," "i missed you," "dont kill yourself i care about you," "its okay," "i wont leave you," "ive changed," "your amazing," "your so hot," "just do it please," like bro. and most of you already know that if i get attached to someone ill do whatever i can to make them happy. i should have never played into his fucking lies. i fucking hate him. and he tells me shit like "you dont have the balls to deal with your own problems" like bitch okay. so overdosing isnt solving my own problems? i dont have to have someone tell me what to do with taking a shit ton of pills to deal with my problems so honestly go fuck yourself.
also heres proof btw.

@Thetruepath slay