Its my birthday <3

I'm finally 14 :D

I love you guys sm and I hope you all have amazing lives [Even if we argued or hate each other].

@Cassie
@finneass
Shade
Cakey
@Flandre-Scarlet
@A38
𝓑𝓪𝓷𝓭𝓲𝓽
Tripod
Inkfish 72
@Duchess
@CaptainPresto
Sen [Ik people don't like them but me and Sen had a lot good moments together that I'll never forget.]
Jun
@Emory1008
@Evelyn_Is_Not_Here [Hoping I got the right one]
Shazz_
]- Jinx "Snortable" Powder -[
YourLocalSansFangirl
cyber
Cyx
JAP
Wubbrle the Wubble

Drama, drama and MORE drama. Oh and failing classes.

Basically, I've just 'fallen out' with 5 different people.

The first four, just randomly stopped talking to me, dunno why but if they we're truly my friends and had a problem w/ me THEY WOULD'VE TOLD ME. [Will provide ss of what happened when I get home!]

The last one, which happened in school on my way to gym, she's mad cause I didn't suck her dick and tell her 'Oh my gosh! You're so right, you're not [Our Chorus teachers name]'s favorite!' I was literally just explaining to her how in our Chorus class, the Sopranos are more favorited than the alto's because they 1] Get more practice time, 2] Always get things first, etc. Apparently, he was always telling her that she was off-key. .Well, she is! He literally moved her out of Sopranos and into Alto's in the middle of class and she's been off-key the WHOLE TIME. Found out she was talking shit about me, talking about some 'She better know she's in the wrong', 'I'm not talking to her until she apologizes', and 'I hate people who don't apologize' BABY UR A WHOLE HYPOCRITE !

She's waiting on an apology that will never happen.

I told my friend to tell her I said, 'Fuck you and that apology and that you can kiss my ass.' And I have no regrets, she treats me like a fucking therapist and makes everything about her, I'm fucking tired of it.

My mental health went downhill and I ended up in the hospital. I'm okay now, my computer was also broken, got it fixed recently so now I'm back.

Sorry for the abrupt and constant leaves-

I'm okay now, I hope everyone else is doing okay as well :]

I typically don't vent, mainly cause I feel terrible when I do but I genuinely can't hold this in anymore.

TW: Drug use.
There was one point in my life that it had gotten so incredibly low that instead of talking to someone, I went down a dark path, drugs. I had used drugs whenever I felt upset or anytime I needed to get rid of the hurt and trauma I had. I ended up becoming dependent on it for about 3 years before I was admitted to rehab because my mom had found some drugs.

I'm now currently off drugs and I've only relapsed once in 2022-2023 which is the main reason why I was gone for so long.

TW: Mentions of ED
I have body dysmorphia, I can barely look in the mirror without feeling bad about how I look. My mother doesn't make it any better considering she's the one who makes it so bad. I may look confident, but in reality, I'm not, that's just a front so people don't see how pathetic I am.
One day, my mom made a comment about how much I ate. This is what really triggered my ED and BD. My sister laughed along with her. I laughed along too but in reality, I wanted just to cry right there.

I ended up starving myself to the point I could see my ribcage. I look more healthy now but, I can barely eat and am still working on it.

TW: Mentions of SA
On January 6th, I was sexually assaulted in a restroom by a teenage boy.
But, apparently, it was my fault, I had invited him in by my clothing. I told my mom about it and she told me I deserved it. Saying I was a wh*re and a sl*t and more insults. She continued to humiliate me until we got home.

Aftermath:
I dunno. .I feel like I can be as good as she wants me to be if I just pretend for her and just fucking try harder but. .I’m drained and I just wanna relapse back to drugs but I can’t cause I fucking promised I wouldn’t after Rehab. .I just. .I dunno what to do.

It’s silly really. I should just be better and I’m not. What did I do to deserve this? I’m sorry I’m pathetic.

Edit:
I'm at a point in my life where a lot of people have shown their true colors too me and that everything we had was fake considering she chose me over a shitty dude who ended up feeding her lies about me and some of my other friends. This ended whatever I had with the other group of "Friends" because some people can't admit what petty things they've done.

Two of my friends we're kicked because some people we're "uncomfortable" with them, which in actual reality, they just wanted to finally get rid of me and some others who had a backbone. I asked a simple question of why they we're kicked which btw, I never even said who the question was towards, I just took a ss of the logs and showed them what I was talking about. They assumed I had a problem and instantly attacked me. This went on for a while, about maybe 1-2 hours.

Repeadetly, they'd come into the server and insult us. It finally stopped when the owner and one other person [The owner needed someone to suck her dick while she lies not only on my name but multiple others considering she's a coward.] in this situation had a sit down with one of my friends who had left said server months ago.

Just now I contacted one of the people who I was arguing with who had sent me a message hours ago but because I had been upset I sent a petty message since they had sent me a message saying "Womp womp womp" <--- Something I said a lot to only ONE person as a greeting.

Attacker A:
Sorry olive [I went by this name] but the amount of people uncomfortable with them and you, the statuses about someone else’s relationship, as well as how kota, luan [Bringing up OLD drama from 2023] , etc used to say Kys everyday to someone in another server for making a harmless joke [Which was a lie considering they had already explained and everyone was fine with it, Attacker A just wasn't on good terms with them atm.], the amount of bullshit, talking about me and other behind out back [Something they did as well but I actually had the balls to say it too said persons face and admit it.], etc, that’s a few reasons why your not in the server. Its also rosies server, she doesn’t need a reason to remove someone as well, remember who the owner is and stop pretending you are superior to everyone, maybe we would have left you guys stay if yall cleaned up your act. 💛

My first response:
I’m not reading allat [I read it]

My response hours later:
Also, I don’t need to act like I’m “Superior to everyone” because I know I’m not. Y’all already know I have an attitude 24/7 [I already explained to them prior when all of us first became friends that I was quite a rude person with an aggressive way of typing but to not take it seriously unless in an argument]. I never was specifically asking Rosie why she kicked them, I was asking IN GENERAL, maybe instead of assuming I had a problem y’all at least could’ve let me explain why I was even asking without immediately attacking me. Ik I was an asshole and yes, I do need to clean up my act with how I speak to people, but at least I can admit I’ve talked about people [Not saying you did, considering you weren’t one to talk about people]. But about the whole kys jokes, you need to speak to Luan and Kota about that considering that’s not really relevant to what happened [Quite literally, ts happened at the end of summer, early school year.]. But at least you were the most mature one and didn’t attack me. [<--- You instead sent TWO of your friends where one attacked me in my dms without even knowing what was going on. While you and you're two friends joined the server and attacked us like the dickriders they are.]

But genuinely, if y’all wanna come and speak to me and some of the others, WITHOUT bringing in other people who weren’t even in the argument then you can.

And again, the whole thing about the “kys” statements were genuinely just jokes, they weren’t meant to harm anyone. [<--- Mind you, one of the people she's friends with had talked shit about her AND said kys jokes as well. But yk, YLL bad because she doesn't lie like y'all do.]

• Olive < 3

I'll update when I have a reply, this whole thing truly showed me why I even have a fear of venting, abandonment, trust issues, etc. Honestly, after this and many other incidents with 3 other people, I probably won't trust or get attached to someone after this ever again.

[Please take this serious, this is worth like. .200 points. .]
https://www.canva.com/design/DAGBeoIFf7E/y2PLvBU_xyvFseTxEHt0TA/edit?utm_content=DAGBeoIFf7E&utm_campaign=designshare&utm_medium=link2&utm_source=sharebutton

My mom keeps going 'You should only be studying and working' and literally took my phone. .For no reason.

WHAT IS THERE TO STUDY??? I've literally passed majority of my tests, I turn most of my homework in on time.

I CAN'T HELP THAT MY TEACHERS TAKE LONG TO GRADE??
I CAN'T HELP THAT MY AP HUG TEACHER DOESN'T TEACH?? I'm not the only one failing !! Everyone is failing his class. Maybe instead of blindly following whatever my teachers tell you, maybe you could actually keep an OPEN MIND and help me? Be a parent, not an at-home teacher.

I literally go to sleep crying and some nights I don't even go to sleep, because I'M TOO BUSY STUDYING AND DOING HOMEWORK.

She makes me feel like I'm so stupid if I don't have A's. She always tells me to come to her but when I do, she always turns it into a lecture and makes me feel bad about myself.
TRIGGER WARNING START:
It got so bad to the point where I relapsed on SH. I was clean for two years.

TRIGGER WARNING END:

I'm so sick and tired. I didn't even want to go to the school I'm going too now. She always tells me I have a choice but always makes me feel like I have to comply and agree with her.

WHY ARE THEY MAKING ME TAKE THE ALGEBRA EOC FOR A FOURTH TIME?? I DON'T EVEN HAVE ALGEBRA ANYMORE
I HAVE GEOMETRY, JUST LET ME SLID WITH MY 2 AND NOT A 3

My mental health is getting better, I'm in my first year of highschool. .9th grade, I like it so far.
I recently got into Karate. .1 or 2 months ago, I have my Belt Graduation soon and I got invited to my Black Belt training today. MA's has really helped me with focusing on what's important and gaining confidence.

I'm also finally able to explore myself and my style of clothing and the such, I plan on trying to get a job next year so I can also start paying for some of my own things.

I recently got my first nail set!

I'll reply with pics later <33

Erm- I got into a fight two days ago. .It was a tie but people think I lost. .???

The fight wasn't even fair. .I was on the ground while she was on a STAGE.

Cannot stand people who do shit too you [She threw bread and fries at me and I confronted her and multiple others.] and then when people dick-ride them, they think they're some tough shit.

All I gotta say, I only lost an earing and my hair was slightly messy [My swoop was unpinned when she grabbed it], while hers is all scratched and bruised :Shrug:

I remember this episode specifically, this one was definitely one of my favorites.

Oh, you want a villain? Lemme show you how I evil
Oh, you think I'm difficult, I'll show you I'm a devil
Sharpshooter lethal, top of food chain like an eagle
Whack-a-mole you weasels, I'm a machine, diesel

Gotta crush, gotta crush, crush you all beneath me
You bitches in my pups, you're droolin' for a squeaky
I'll squash you like a bug, battle-fueled, greasy
Dig my nails into your peach, dead, done, deceased, like

Wooooow
Paint the town blue, riots all around you
Paint the town blue, riots all around you

Wo-o-o-o-o-o-o-ow, yeah
Wo-o-o-o-o-o-o-ow, yeah
Wo-o-o-o-o-o-o-ow, yeah

Paint the town blue, riots all around you

I go rogue, thorns on a rose
Switch my mind up like I want it, then I don't
Heads explode, my little blue clones
I blow this place up, now these ashes fall like snow

I'm no good, I'm rotten to the core
Simulate, play with me, please, I'm bored
Trigger warning, yeah, blood and gore
Jump for your life, there's lava on the floor

Wooooow
Paint the town blue, riots all around you
Wooooow
Paint the town blue, riots all around you

Wo-o-o-o-o-o-o-ow, yeah
Wo-o-o-o-o-o-o-ow, yeah
Wo-o-o-o-o-o-o-ow, yeah

Paint the town blue, riots all around you

Sphinx Ah okay ty, I'm still doing my research on it

Alexa's do that all the time for whatever reason, theres four different Alexa's in my house but the downstairs one always does that.

My mom took me to a doctors appt since I hadn't been in so long, I got my physical, vision retested [Still trash], and she's getting me diagnosed with ADD sometime [Attention Deficit{s} Disorder, similar to ADHD I believe? Someone correct me on that.] and I truly believe I have that, as it would make sense since I cannot focus very well.

I don't really understand how they figure it out, but I do not have a medical degree yet so I have no idea what I'm talking about !

WHY ARE THEY MAKING ME TAKE THE ALGEBRA EOC FOR A FOURTH TIME?? I DON'T EVEN HAVE ALGEBRA ANYMORE
I HAVE GEOMETRY, JUST LET ME SLID WITH MY 2 AND NOT A 3

?

People are so miserable and have nothing to do with their lives nowadays its insane.

𝓑𝓪𝓷𝓭𝓲𝓽 I agree with this, I had the same thought.

Happy Thanksgiving <33