I don’t even know where to begin, because honestly, everything just feels so heavy lately. I feel like I’m losing everything and everyone around me, piece by piece, like sand slipping through my fingers no matter how tightly I try to hold on. It’s terrifying. Watching people walk away, watching relationships change, watching myself become someone I don’t even recognize anymore.

And the worst part is, I’m not just hurting myself. I’m hurting the people I care about, the ones who are still here, the ones trying. I lash out, or shut down, or say the wrong things. I feel like I’m this walking storm, unpredictable and constantly wrecking the things I love. And I hate it. I hate that I don’t know how to control my emotions anymore. Everything is either way too much or completely numb. I miss the days when life felt easier… when I could smile without forcing it, laugh without guilt, breathe without this tightness in my chest.

I just want things to go back to how they used to be. Back when I was happy. Back when I didn’t feel like I had to fight constantly with everyone including myself. I’m exhausted from all the arguments, all the misunderstandings, all the silence that follows the shouting. It’s like I’m living in a loop of tension and regret, and I don’t know how to escape it.

Sometimes things just seem to fall apart when you least expect them to. And this is my time. This is the season of falling, breaking, unraveling. And God, I didn’t see it coming. I really didn’t. I thought I had more time, or more strength, or more something. But here I am, in the middle of it all, trying to hold my own pieces together while everything else slips away. While trying to help everyone in the mean time and also trying to keep myself from slipping.

Sometimes I just want to pack up and leave everything behind. Just disappear. Not because I don’t care, but because I care too much and it’s crushing me. I don’t know what to think anymore. My head feels like chaos and my heart feels like it’s constantly at war with itself. I wish I had the answers. I wish I knew how to fix it. I wish I could just snap my fingers and make things feel normal again. Maybe things will get better. Maybe things will get brighter. Maybe someday I’ll look back on this and understand it all. But right now? It just hurts. It hurts to feel like a burden. It hurts to watch people drift. It hurts to keep pretending I’m okay when I’m not. And god… do some people surprise you. In the worst ways. Or the best. But mostly the worst, lately. People you thought would stay, people you thought understood, people you trusted… they shift, they fade, they change. And it leaves you wondering if you ever really knew them at all.

I don’t know what I need. I just needed to let this out. Maybe this is messy, maybe it’s too much. But it’s real. It’s where I’m at right now. And I’m just hoping, somehow, it won’t always feel this way. I’m sorry.

Blake OFC C
Also yeah I get it

Blake
I hope you have had an amazing day and I’m so sorry I didn’t post this until now
You’re amazing I can’t believe you’re finally 15 no need to feel like you’ve been 14 for forever lol

Blake that’s awesome sauce
props to your mother

Strawberries and pineapples.

@Ranzai a lot

Sphinx It’s so cute!

Sphinx AWWW
I love when family members support others

𝜗𝜚 rylie but now I gotta get off the roads… (Jk )

Shazz_ OMG LUCKY!!

I was going to do acapella but it sounded weird

Heather : https://voca.ro/1jOJDpWdICrZ

Family Line : https://voca.ro/1mNAX02hHU4r

I’ll do Heather and Family Line

𖤐𝐸𝓂𝒾𝓁𝓎 𝑀𝑒𝓇𝓇𝒾𝓂𝒶𝒸𝓀𖤐 its okay, dont worry.
also, thank you. I’m nice usually

1 - Heather
2 - Astronomy
3 - Maniac
4 - Family Line
5 - People Watching
6 - Lookalike

Des,
I just want to let you know before I say anything that this post wont be deleted or whatever unless you personally want it to be.

---

Okay. Time to say some things.

First of all, I just want to say thank you for sharing this. I know it must’ve taken a lot of strength and vulnerability to put this into words, and I want you to know that I hear you and I believe you. What happened to you was not your fault in any way, and I’m so, so sorry that you had to go through something like that.

You didn’t do anything wrong. Saying “I don’t know” doesn’t mean you gave permission. It doesn’t mean you were okay with what was happening. It means you were scared, overwhelmed, and frozen in a moment where your brain and body didn’t feel safe. That response is real. It’s valid. And it’s actually very common in trauma situations — it’s called a freeze response, and it happens when someone is in danger but doesn’t know how to escape or can’t find the words to fight back. Your body was trying to protect you in the only way it could. You are not weak for that.

It’s devastating that someone not only crossed your boundaries but ignored the signs that you were uncomfortable, scared, and not okay. That was a violation of your trust, and it never should’ve happened. And the fact that she’s younger doesn’t excuse anything. What she did was manipulative and predatory. Age doesn’t erase harm.

I can feel how much this has affected you, because I’ve been through things like this before too. The anger, confusion, sadness, and shame, and I just want you to know that none of those feelings are your fault. You’re not overreacting. You’re not being dramatic. You’re reacting like a human being who was hurt in a situation where you didn’t feel safe, and that’s completely valid.

I’m proud of you for telling Bradlee. That took courage. And I’m glad he listened and believed you. Even if he couldn’t fix what happened, having someone in your corner who takes you seriously matters. I know the idea of parents finding out can feel terrifying, especially with the fear of things blowing up or getting worse but please don’t ever feel like you’re responsible for protecting her or anyone else from the consequences of what she did. You are not the one who created this situation, she did.

If and when you’re ready, I really encourage you to talk to someone who can help more directly a counselor, therapist, or trusted adult who knows how to handle this stuff. Especially if they didn’t tell their parents about this. You deserve support, not silence. You shouldn’t have to carry this alone. I know it might feel overwhelming or scary to open that door, but there are people who can guide you through it.

You are not useless. You are not worthless. You are not broken. What happened to you was wrong, but it doesn’t define who you are. You’re still whole. Still worthy of love, respect, and safety. And I’m really proud of you for being brave enough to speak up even if it didn’t feel brave at the time.

Please don’t hesitate to reach out to me if you want someone to talk to, vent to, or just sit with you in this. You’re not alone in this, even if it sometimes feels like it. I’ll listen and I’ll be here for you every step of the way.

This isn’t going to go away but it’s a good thing to talk to someone about it that has gone through something similar because then they know how to maybe help and comfort more. Trust me, I’ve been through this. You can talk to me whenever and I’ll tell you everything.

𖤐𝐸𝓂𝒾𝓁𝓎 𝑀𝑒𝓇𝓇𝒾𝓂𝒶𝒸𝓀𖤐 let me read lol

Des, I will reply to this post when I get home. Right now I can’t read it but I promise I will. Please message me and remind me

Thanks to Jordan, they sent me the link to the groups and so you three, ({_𝐘𝐋𝐋_}, KayaRoseWho, and Blake) are now trial mods.
I will be making a gc with you guys and Shazz to have an extra way to communicate if there is something wrong.
Thank you all, and we look forward to working with you guys.

WAIT!!
We have to wait until the site isn’t being poopy so we can promote you guys. I just realized that I can’t even look at the groups in order to give the trial mod to you all.