Help me get out of it
I can’t keep my head up
Oh, please tell me, how do you feel
I’m drowning in this river
It’s hard to take, it’s hard to break
For you, I’m a pawn to sacrifice
Tried to make amends, I’ve tried to pretend
Yet, somehow, it always creeps back in
Feels like yesterday when I heard you say
“I’m yours to devour 'til my last breath”
Help me get out of it
I can’t keep my head up
Please tell me, how do you feel?
I’m drowning in this river
I tried my very fucking best to get over it
But thеre’s not a single day I spent without caring morе about
How you feel about me than I feel about you
Before I realized what happened, you already broke my hand
That reached out in hopes of getting help from you
Help me get out of it
I can’t keep my head up
Please tell me, how do you feel
I’m drowning in this river
Help me get out of it
'Cause I can’t keep my head above the water
Please tell me, how do you feel
'Cause I’m drowned in this river that’s filled with my sorrows
I drown in this river
I’m drowned in my sorrows
I’m drowned in this river
I’m gone by tomorrow
River of sorrows
Help me get out of it
I can’t keep my head up
Please tell me, how do you feel
I’m drowning in this river

Wait, wait, wait
Don’t leave me
Wait, wait, wait
Don’t leave me
Where you going? Where you going?
Why you leaving?
(Wait)
I can’t lose you, I can’t lose you
Girl I need you, girl I need you
(Wait)
And don’t you love me? Don’t you love me?
Guess you don’t want me, you don’t want me
(Wait)
We back and forth, yeah, this ain’t working, this ain’t working
Love ain’t perfect, love ain’t perfect
I’m holding on to pieces of us
That I just can’t let go
I know this is a desperate kind of love
But it feels like it’s home
Where you going? (Where you going?)
I’m holding on to pieces of us
'Cause I just can’t let go
Wait, wait, wait
Don’t leave me
Wait, wait (wait)
What you thinking? What you thinking?
Where’s your mind at?
(Wait)
Don’t you miss us, don’t you miss us
'Cause you don’t call that, you don’t call that
(Wait)
Are you happy? Tell me are you happy?
Are you smiling? Are you smiling?
(Wait)
Girl what happened? Tell me, girl what happened?
‘Cause I am dying, I am dying
I’m holding on to pieces of us
That I just can’t let go
I know this is a desperate kind of love
But it feels like it’s home
Where you going? (Where you going?)
I’m holding on to pieces of us
‘Cause I just can’t let go
We don’t wanna have a conversation
We don’t wanna think about it, we wanna just fake it
We just wanna act like everything is great
Go back to the day watchin’ movies in the basement
And the problem is now I’m feeling like everything is changed
And I’m trying to make a livin’ on the music
But I feeling every time I look at you I’m in a place
It’s hard to be the man of the house when you ain’t gotta house (I hate this)
It’s complicated, it’s complicated
We don’t wanna talk, it’s complicated
I’m sitting in the hotel room like, “Why?”
Call your phone and apologize
There’s gotta be a way we can make this right
We can make this right
I’m holding on to pieces of us
That I just can’t let go
I know this is a desperate kind of love
But it feels like it’s home
Where you going
I’m holding on to pieces of us
'Cause I just can’t let go
I’m holding on to pieces of us
That I just can’t let go
I know this is a desperate kind of love
But it feels like it’s home
Wait, wait, wait
Don’t leave me
Wait, wait, wait
Don’t leave me

You said my name like it used to mean something
Now it’s just noise in your mouth
I trace the echo in your silence
Tryna find the version of me you love
I still wear the warmth
From the nights you meant it
But it’s colder now
And I’m the only one shivering
If you loved me then, why does it feel like I’m a stranger now?
You built me up just to watch me fall
I’m still bleeding from the words you never said
If you loved me then, why couldn’t you stay?
I see your shadow in every sunrise
But it never turns around
I scream your name into the quiet
But it only answers with doubt
I still wear the scars
Like they’re proof you’re real
But they fade every time I remember you forget me!
If you loved me then, why does it feel like I’m a stranger now?
You built me up just to watch me fall
I’m still bleeding from the words you never said
If you loved me then, why couldn’t you stay?
I gave you every version of me
But you only loved the one you could leave
If you loved me then, don’t pretend I was easy to forget
I’m still screaming in the silence you left
If you loved me then, why does it feel like you never did?

Pho Sad…
We need to talk more by the way.

Pho That makes sense I suppose.

Pho No possible way you’re that much older than me.

@ariead I’m pretty sure I do.

@ariead Considering the fact that I totally forgot what you look like lowkey gets me mad. But, even though I don’t know which one you are I bet you guys did amazing and I bet the experience was even better.

Sylvia!!!! Thank you.

˜”*°•.˜”*°•ᴅᴇꜱᴅᴇᴍᴏɴᴀ ꜱʟᴀᴛᴇʀ•°*”˜.•°*”˜ Me too.

@Raven Bro…
I work at a haunted house. Give me a break.

@Blake Oh jeez… Not Claire’s

@Blake Lmao, no. My mom did it with a piercing gun.
The aftermath is just soreness so I guess that part hurts. But like getting it done, it doesn’t.

Wubbrle the [REDACTED] Happy last (ish) birthday man. I hope it was amazing and I hope you enjoyed every second of it.

@Blake Thank you, I guess?
I’ll take the compliment.

Shazz_ I’m going to miss you and working with you, Shazz. But I hope you know we’ll all miss you even if you’re still here.

@not-frankenste1n-msii_ That sounds like an incredibly painful and exhausting situation to be in, and I’m really sorry you’re going through all of this. It’s so hard when someone you trusted ends up making you feel manipulated or blamed for things that weren’t your fault. Breakups are already tough, but when you’ve put your heart into trying to work things out and then it feels like everything is suddenly turned against you, it can be overwhelming. Crying, losing sleep, and feeling completely drained are all completely normal reactions to something this intense. Please try to give yourself kindness and patience while you process everything. You don’t have to figure it all out right away. Make sure you’re taking care of yourself in small ways. Like maybe getting some rest, eating when you can, talking with people you trust, or even just taking a few quiet minutes for yourself. What happened doesn’t define your worth, and you deserve to feel safe, valued, and supported as you heal. Even if it feels impossible right now, the pain will soften with time, and you’ll find your footing again. For now, it’s okay to feel everything you’re feeling and to lean on people who care about you. I’m here for you always so you are always welcome to message me. I know all too well how you feel.

Hey everyone,
I’ve been sitting here staring at this blank box for a long time, not really knowing where to start, because there’s so much I need to say and yet I feel completely drained at the same time. I don’t usually open up this much, but I think I need to. I think I need to let everything spill out before it eats me alive. This community has always been a place where I feel like I can speak and not be drowned out, and right now I need that more than ever.

As some of you might already know, I recently went through a breakup.

That simple sentence feels so small compared to the weight of what it actually means.
I’ve had relationships before, but this one was different… Different in a way that is hard to put into words. I didn’t just like this person. I didn’t just care about them. I loved him in a way I didn’t even know I was capable of. It wasn’t some passing crush or a comfortable routine. It was real, deep, raw love. The kind that seeps into your bones and changes the way you see the world. I let him see every part of me. I trusted him with pieces of my heart that I’ve never given to anyone else. And because of that, losing him feels like someone reached inside me and tore out something I can never get back.
Since the day it ended, everything has felt heavier. The air, the hours, even my own body.
I wake up every morning with this dull ache sitting in my chest, like a weight pressing down that I can’t shake off no matter what I do. Some mornings I just lie there staring at the ceiling, wondering how the world can keep moving when I feel so stuck. I replay conversations in my head, picking apart every word, every look, every moment where maybe I could have done something different. I keep asking myself impossible questions like “What if I had said this instead?” or “What if I had been better?” Even though I know deep down that love shouldn’t be something you have to beg for or twist yourself to keep. But knowing that doesn’t stop the questions. It doesn’t stop the pain.

Eating has become a struggle I never expected. Before all of this, I didn’t think twice about food. It was just part of life. Now, most days, food feels like nothing. My stomach growls but my heart is too heavy to care. I pick at little things here and there, but the thought of actually eating a meal feels impossible. It’s like my body and my mind are disconnected. I know I need to eat to stay healthy, but the pain numbs the hunger. I’ll go through an entire day realizing I’ve only had a few bites of something, and even when people remind me to take care of myself, it’s like I’m watching myself from far away and can’t quite reach. Sleep isn’t much better. I lie awake for hours, my thoughts racing. I see memories like little movies playing behind my eyelids. The way he used to laugh, the way his voice softened when he said my name, the small moments that made me feel safe. I remember all of it and it hurts in a way that’s almost physical. Some nights I cry until I can’t anymore. Other nights I just stare at the dark ceiling, feeling numb and empty, waiting for morning to come so I can start the cycle over again. And through all of this, my self-esteem has been dragged through a storm. I’ve always struggled with it. Always found it hard to believe I’m enough, but this breakup has made those feelings scream louder. It’s like I’m standing in front of a cracked mirror, seeing every flaw, every insecurity, every reason why someone might decide I’m not worth staying for. People tell me I’m beautiful or kind or strong, and I want to believe them, but there’s this voice in my head that whispers, If you were enough, he wouldn’t have left.
That voice is cruel. That voice lies.
And yet, it’s still there.

Despite all of this, I am trying. I really am.
I’m trying to take small steps forward, even when it feels like I’m walking through mud. I’ve started forcing myself to accept compliments instead of brushing them off, even when my first instinct is to argue. I’ve been making a point to compliment myself too. Even tiny things, like noticing that I like the way my hair looks that day or that I managed to get out of bed when I didn’t want to. It sounds small, but these small victories matter. They’re little reminders that I’m still here. That I’m still fighting. I’m also trying to stop hurting myself emotionally over people who don’t stay. I’ve spent too much time letting other people’s choices define my worth, and I don’t want to do that anymore. I don’t want to keep giving my heart away only to have it broken and then blame myself for the pieces. I want to get better. I want to heal. I want to be someone who can love deeply without completely losing myself when things fall apart. But I won’t lie… Right now it still feels like I’m standing in the middle of a storm that hasn’t passed. Some days the sky clears for a few minutes and I feel a little lighter, but then the clouds roll back in and it feels like I’m drowning again.

Through all of this, one of the few things keeping me grounded has been this site and the people here.
I can’t express enough how thankful I am for this community. The internet can be cruel and chaotic, but somehow this place hasn’t turned into a mess. Somehow, you’ve all created a space that feels safe. That’s rare. That’s special. Especially now, when everything else in my life feels like it’s falling apart, this space has become a lifeline. As one of the only active admins left, I see the effort that goes into keeping this place alive and positive, and I’m endlessly grateful. To the mods who step in when things get messy, to the users who bring kindness into every corner, to everyone who quietly supports others without asking for anything in return, you have no idea how much you mean to me.
So here I am. Still hurting. Still tired. Still trying.
I wish I could say I’m okay, but I’m not there yet. I still cry when I think about what I lost. I still wake up some mornings and wonder how I’m supposed to keep going. But I also know that I don’t want to stay in this darkness forever. Healing is slow. It’s messy. It’s exhausting. But I know that even if it takes a long time, I can find my way back to myself. If you’re reading this and you’re hurting too, please know that you’re not alone. If you’re sitting in your own kind of heartbreak, if you’re questioning your worth, if you’re waking up with that same heavy ache… Please know that someone else understands. I understand. And if I can keep breathing through this, if I can keep taking even the tiniest steps toward healing when everything in me wants to give up, then you can too. We are all stronger than we think, even when we feel our weakest. Thank you. Thank you to the mods who quietly keep this place safe when no one is looking. Thank you to the users who show up with kindness in a world that so often forgets how to be kind. Thank you for giving me a reason to log in when I don’t want to face the day. Thank you for reminding me that even when it feels like everything is falling apart, there are still people who care. You might not realize it, but this community has helped me more than I can ever put into words. You’ve given me a place to land when I feel like I’m free-falling. You’ve given me a reason to keep going when all I want to do is stop. And for that, I will always be grateful.