Shazz_ I’m going to miss you and working with you, Shazz. But I hope you know we’ll all miss you even if you’re still here.

ARISU ?! (🦑🐇) That sounds like an incredibly painful and exhausting situation to be in, and I’m really sorry you’re going through all of this. It’s so hard when someone you trusted ends up making you feel manipulated or blamed for things that weren’t your fault. Breakups are already tough, but when you’ve put your heart into trying to work things out and then it feels like everything is suddenly turned against you, it can be overwhelming. Crying, losing sleep, and feeling completely drained are all completely normal reactions to something this intense. Please try to give yourself kindness and patience while you process everything. You don’t have to figure it all out right away. Make sure you’re taking care of yourself in small ways. Like maybe getting some rest, eating when you can, talking with people you trust, or even just taking a few quiet minutes for yourself. What happened doesn’t define your worth, and you deserve to feel safe, valued, and supported as you heal. Even if it feels impossible right now, the pain will soften with time, and you’ll find your footing again. For now, it’s okay to feel everything you’re feeling and to lean on people who care about you. I’m here for you always so you are always welcome to message me. I know all too well how you feel.

Hey everyone,
I’ve been sitting here staring at this blank box for a long time, not really knowing where to start, because there’s so much I need to say and yet I feel completely drained at the same time. I don’t usually open up this much, but I think I need to. I think I need to let everything spill out before it eats me alive. This community has always been a place where I feel like I can speak and not be drowned out, and right now I need that more than ever.

As some of you might already know, I recently went through a breakup.

That simple sentence feels so small compared to the weight of what it actually means.
I’ve had relationships before, but this one was different… Different in a way that is hard to put into words. I didn’t just like this person. I didn’t just care about them. I loved him in a way I didn’t even know I was capable of. It wasn’t some passing crush or a comfortable routine. It was real, deep, raw love. The kind that seeps into your bones and changes the way you see the world. I let him see every part of me. I trusted him with pieces of my heart that I’ve never given to anyone else. And because of that, losing him feels like someone reached inside me and tore out something I can never get back.
Since the day it ended, everything has felt heavier. The air, the hours, even my own body.
I wake up every morning with this dull ache sitting in my chest, like a weight pressing down that I can’t shake off no matter what I do. Some mornings I just lie there staring at the ceiling, wondering how the world can keep moving when I feel so stuck. I replay conversations in my head, picking apart every word, every look, every moment where maybe I could have done something different. I keep asking myself impossible questions like “What if I had said this instead?” or “What if I had been better?” Even though I know deep down that love shouldn’t be something you have to beg for or twist yourself to keep. But knowing that doesn’t stop the questions. It doesn’t stop the pain.

Eating has become a struggle I never expected. Before all of this, I didn’t think twice about food. It was just part of life. Now, most days, food feels like nothing. My stomach growls but my heart is too heavy to care. I pick at little things here and there, but the thought of actually eating a meal feels impossible. It’s like my body and my mind are disconnected. I know I need to eat to stay healthy, but the pain numbs the hunger. I’ll go through an entire day realizing I’ve only had a few bites of something, and even when people remind me to take care of myself, it’s like I’m watching myself from far away and can’t quite reach. Sleep isn’t much better. I lie awake for hours, my thoughts racing. I see memories like little movies playing behind my eyelids. The way he used to laugh, the way his voice softened when he said my name, the small moments that made me feel safe. I remember all of it and it hurts in a way that’s almost physical. Some nights I cry until I can’t anymore. Other nights I just stare at the dark ceiling, feeling numb and empty, waiting for morning to come so I can start the cycle over again. And through all of this, my self-esteem has been dragged through a storm. I’ve always struggled with it. Always found it hard to believe I’m enough, but this breakup has made those feelings scream louder. It’s like I’m standing in front of a cracked mirror, seeing every flaw, every insecurity, every reason why someone might decide I’m not worth staying for. People tell me I’m beautiful or kind or strong, and I want to believe them, but there’s this voice in my head that whispers, If you were enough, he wouldn’t have left.
That voice is cruel. That voice lies.
And yet, it’s still there.

Despite all of this, I am trying. I really am.
I’m trying to take small steps forward, even when it feels like I’m walking through mud. I’ve started forcing myself to accept compliments instead of brushing them off, even when my first instinct is to argue. I’ve been making a point to compliment myself too. Even tiny things, like noticing that I like the way my hair looks that day or that I managed to get out of bed when I didn’t want to. It sounds small, but these small victories matter. They’re little reminders that I’m still here. That I’m still fighting. I’m also trying to stop hurting myself emotionally over people who don’t stay. I’ve spent too much time letting other people’s choices define my worth, and I don’t want to do that anymore. I don’t want to keep giving my heart away only to have it broken and then blame myself for the pieces. I want to get better. I want to heal. I want to be someone who can love deeply without completely losing myself when things fall apart. But I won’t lie… Right now it still feels like I’m standing in the middle of a storm that hasn’t passed. Some days the sky clears for a few minutes and I feel a little lighter, but then the clouds roll back in and it feels like I’m drowning again.

Through all of this, one of the few things keeping me grounded has been this site and the people here.
I can’t express enough how thankful I am for this community. The internet can be cruel and chaotic, but somehow this place hasn’t turned into a mess. Somehow, you’ve all created a space that feels safe. That’s rare. That’s special. Especially now, when everything else in my life feels like it’s falling apart, this space has become a lifeline. As one of the only active admins left, I see the effort that goes into keeping this place alive and positive, and I’m endlessly grateful. To the mods who step in when things get messy, to the users who bring kindness into every corner, to everyone who quietly supports others without asking for anything in return, you have no idea how much you mean to me.
So here I am. Still hurting. Still tired. Still trying.
I wish I could say I’m okay, but I’m not there yet. I still cry when I think about what I lost. I still wake up some mornings and wonder how I’m supposed to keep going. But I also know that I don’t want to stay in this darkness forever. Healing is slow. It’s messy. It’s exhausting. But I know that even if it takes a long time, I can find my way back to myself. If you’re reading this and you’re hurting too, please know that you’re not alone. If you’re sitting in your own kind of heartbreak, if you’re questioning your worth, if you’re waking up with that same heavy ache… Please know that someone else understands. I understand. And if I can keep breathing through this, if I can keep taking even the tiniest steps toward healing when everything in me wants to give up, then you can too. We are all stronger than we think, even when we feel our weakest. Thank you. Thank you to the mods who quietly keep this place safe when no one is looking. Thank you to the users who show up with kindness in a world that so often forgets how to be kind. Thank you for giving me a reason to log in when I don’t want to face the day. Thank you for reminding me that even when it feels like everything is falling apart, there are still people who care. You might not realize it, but this community has helped me more than I can ever put into words. You’ve given me a place to land when I feel like I’m free-falling. You’ve given me a reason to keep going when all I want to do is stop. And for that, I will always be grateful.

Blake Fml.

@Siloxa922 Heard.

Blake Yeah dude that shit is crazy

Tenna!! This is one reason why I want to be a therapist when I grow up. If I’m gonna work at a school I wouldn’t care if I was in a meeting with an admin or something. If a kid needs support I’ll be there.
I honestly hate school counselors nowadays though. They aren’t helpful anymore.

Tenna!! Omg hiiii! I haven’t talked or seen you in a little bit.

@Siloxa922 You got me on Southbound. I love that song

Blake That’s what I thought…

…
People are so stupid.

@Siloxa922 Thank you. I appreciate that.

Thank you @Siloxa922 <3

@Siloxa922 Bet I got you.
Let me show you a few of my drawings that I’ve done recently.

@Siloxa922 I draw.

@Siloxa922 To draw?

What are yall listening to…

To our amazing Trial Mods: Blake, KayaRoseWho, & {_𝐘𝐋𝐋_}

Thank you for stepping up and lending your time, energy, and patience to keep this community running smoothly. You’re the unsung heroes. Catching the chaos before it spreads, answering questions, calming storms, and making sure everyone feels welcome. Even as trial mods, your impact is already deeply felt, and your dedication shows you care about more than just the title. You care about the people here. I enjoy working with all of you. 💖

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And to Shazz, our other admin extraordinaire: Shazz_

Your leadership, vision, and endless behind-the-scenes work are the reason this place feels like home. You balance authority with kindness, structure with freedom, and you’ve built something truly worth protecting. Your dedication doesn’t go unnoticed, and we’re grateful for every late-night fix, every decision made for the good of the community, and every bit of patience you show us. You’ve made me feel confident enough to even try and put the effort into the community. You truly are the one reason why I even decided to stay and I’m so glad I did. I love working with you and just talking about our days. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me and this community.

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And lastly… The guy who has completely changed my life around for the better: @Her_Husband

I don’t even know where to begin, because “thank you” doesn’t even begin to cover what you mean to me. From the moment you stepped into my life, you’ve been a source of comfort, laughter, and genuine joy. You’ve made me feel safe in ways I didn’t know I needed, and you’ve shown me love in ways I never thought I deserved.

Even if we fight a lot you’ve been patient with me on those bad days, celebrated with me on the good days, and held me steady when I felt like I was falling apart. You listen. Truly listen. Not just to my words but to the spaces between them, to the feelings I don’t always know how to express. And somehow, you always seem to know exactly what I need, whether it’s a call, a laugh, or just your quiet presence.
I appreciate your kindness, your loyalty, and your ability to make me feel like the most important person in the world. I appreciate the way you notice little things about me. The things I don’t even notice about myself and how you remember them later in the sweetest ways. I love the way you make even ordinary moments feel special: a simple conversation, playing video games, sleeping on call, or just sitting there and looking at each other in comfortable silence.
You inspire me to be a better person, not because you ask me to change, but because you make me want to grow. You believe in me when I doubt myself, and that faith gives me courage I didn’t have before. I admire your strength, your humor, your way of making people feel seen, and the way you carry yourself through life.
If I could gather every star in the night sky, it still wouldn’t match how much light you’ve brought into my life. If I could write you a letter every single day, it still wouldn’t be enough to capture the depth of what I feel for you. You’re my favorite person, my safe place, my partner, my love, my best friend.
So here’s to you, for every laugh we’ve shared, every challenge we’ve faced, and every dream we’ve whispered to each other in the quiet. I am endlessly grateful for you, and I am so, so lucky to call you mine. No matter where life takes us, you’ll always have my heart, my support, and my love, in this life and every life after. I love you so much. 🩷

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Thank you everyone for changing somebody’s life on here. Yes, it’s an online site with people that you may or may not ever really see in person but everyone here has that one person who has helped you through everything and you should definitely appreciate that more often.
There are a few other people on here that have been here for me and I appreciate all of you guys too.
I love all of you and we’re all here together.