Literally not having a great day rn (TW: mentions of ED)
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I’ve been sitting here trying not to cry because I ate and I feel horribly guilty. I want to- throw up. I hate the fact that I can’t just let my body take it in and handle it without me feeling like a fat fuck. I wanna be skinny. I wanna have that perfect body. I’m so tired of seeing everyone else with that perfect body that I want so desperately.
And now, my mom. She’s having heart issues again. She’s been having palpitations all day, been to the hospital multiple times this week, they keep sending her home, she’s not getting better, it started off as a warning and now this, and I’m terrified. If she dies my family will fall apart. Well all lose ourselves. My dad. My father will be distraught, in pieces, never the same ever again. I don’t want that to come to my family. I’m so scared. I’m so fucking terrified beyond belief. She’s my mom too, she’s my mother. Mama, mom, ma. I can’t, man.
I’m tired of feeling guilty, and scared, and terrified, and lost, and stuck, I can’t do this shit anymore.
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@Cyx I’m really sorry about your mom - have these issues been long-standing with her? I’m sure the hospital is doing as much as they can to help your mom, no doubt. I’ll send my condolences
You shouldn’t feel guilty about not being skinny, it can just be that some people deliberately monitor what they intake in order to become thinner, ya know? It can take some time, but it isn’t impossible ^^ -
@Cyx I hope your mom feels better, and I hope you know that you’re not fat
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@Cyx said in Literally not having a great day rn (TW: mentions of ED):
I’ve been sitting here trying not to cry because I ate and I feel horribly guilty. I want to- throw up. I hate the fact that I can’t just let my body take it in and handle it without me feeling like a fat fuck. I wanna be skinny. I wanna have that perfect body. I’m so tired of seeing everyone else with that perfect body that I want so desperately.
not eating makes your metabolism slow which causes weight gain, while yes, you may bloat, bloating goes away but its good that you ate two meals and im so proud of you for that hun, its not easy with what you’re going through but you did it.
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@finneass I know, but I still can’t help but want to do it because I just hate it man :( thank you for being proud of me anyways. Thank you a lot.
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@Cyx Of course luv, I’m here for you <33
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@finneass I know ♥️♥️
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@Cyx said in Literally not having a great day rn (TW: mentions of ED):
I wanna be skinny. I wanna have that perfect body. I’m so tired of seeing everyone else with that perfect body that I want so desperately.
Not to be rude
Or disliked
But if you want said “perfect body” you gotta fucking work for it, sure I’m a bit chubby here and there but I’m gonna change it soon or later, if you want something to happen, you can’t just breathe it into existence, you gotta work for it.
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@Whited-Out-Femboy-Collector jeepers creepers like I havent thought of that already and have been working on it. I have a wide ribcage and bloating literally terrifies me so-
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@Cyx That is some frightening stuff going on with your mom. I just hope she’ll be able to get the help she needs. I know it’s tough right now. I dont know what will happen or if it’ll be okay in the end so I won’t pretend that I know it will. But I am glad you’re seeking support from us. It’s the very least we can do.
As for your self image, I dont recommend throwing up to make yourself slimmer. If you genuinely feel like you should get in shape, exercising and a healthy diet is the best way to do that. Although, I think you should also appreciate yourself and cut yourself slack for who you are. It is not like you have to be the slimmest person at school. Who knows what they think of themselvs.
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@Cyx That is some frightening stuff going on with your mom. I just hope she’ll be able to get the help she needs. I know it’s tough right now. I dont know what will happen or if it’ll be okay in the end. So again I’m sorry about your mom and your dad. I hope they both get better mostly your mom but i hope nothing bad happens to you OR your family. I hope everything works out and everything is happy again.
Also, even if you feel like a fat fuck, don’t down on yourself like that. Don’t starve yourself for bodies that could just be fake. Don’t hurt yourself for stuff that could cut you deeper and hurt you deeper than before. Don’t harm yourself for other who are just gonna end up hurting you. I’m not asking, I’m telling you. Please. Don’t harm yourself, And i hope everythings alright.
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