I really just don't know how much longer I can do this
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I hate it when people vent to me and I just don’t know what to say so then I have to lie my ass off and tell them it’s okay and that when they’re older it gets better, because it just fucking doesn’t. You just sit quiet and deal with different shit when you’re done with the shit you dealt with when you were younger.
But the longer I just have to sit quiet and not say anything to my dad when all he ever does is hurt me, the less I can just deal with it. But the less I find myself able to deal with it, the worse it feels like it’s getting. I remember telling you guys the situation with my dad bothering me less and less, but it’s all gone to shit again.
I’m genuinely not allowed to feel anything but “haha happy” or “yes sir, I’m sorry, I’ll obey you like the fucking dog I am”
I’m not allowed to do anything but “sit pretty” and “do as I’m told”This morning, I got slapped by my dad because I made a joke. But, that’s just… Funny. My dad presses my buttons, consistently bothers and “jokes” with me, but I’m not even allowed to tell him to stop. He can torment me all he wants and I’m not allowed to tell him no or ask him to stop, but when I try to have a good time with him or even just talk to him, it always gets turned around to I’m being “disrespectful” and I need to “shut the fuck up before I get my head slammed into a wall” because “I’m the kid, he’s the adult” and he can “do whatever he wants” and I can’t.
You know what’s funnier?
I’m not allowed to tell him about what he’s done to me or I’m “stupid,” I have “bad memory,” “that never happened.” or I’m “lying.” I can’t vent to him because when I explain the situation to him it’s something I shouldn’t have ever been upset about because it was “too stupid to be upset about.”
I can’t tell him that my body is in actual, physical fucking pain all the time. Why? Because I’m “too young to know what that feels like.” Apparently, I’m too young to go to a hospital or see any doctors or even be taken seriously. Apparently, the pain I experience isn’t anything important.
My body genuinely hurts. All the fucking time. And I can’t do anything about it.
I’m stressed. When I tell him I’m just really fucking tired of being treated this way, you know what he says?
That I’m “too young to be tired.” I’m being “over-dramatic.”And every time I snap, I hit him. I get into physical fights with him that end with me being tossed around, thrown onto floors and having my hair pulled out. And I wish I didn’t get violent, but I can’t help him; people do drastic things when they’ve just straight up had enough. And I hate that I get violent moreso because not only does it hurt him, it hurts me way more. Last time I said I got my head slammed into a wall because I fought someone, nobody really responded to the post. But it happened. It was my dad. It’s always my dad.
I’m being physically, mentally, emotionally, and verbally abused. Whenever it happens, my dad goes on to tell other people and make it out to seem he did nothing wrong and I’m a fucking psychopath and I just hit him for no reason.
I hate when people tell me to call the cops or CPS because I don’t want to do it. I’m scared to do it. I love my dad and I hate hating my dad because I know it’s not his fault. I know he doesn’t do it on purpose and I know he’s in just as much pain as I’m in. It’s the fucking alcohol.
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Lately, I’ve just been freaking out more and more. I’ve been getting aggressive and immediately getting into arguments lately. I feel like I’m actually going crazy.
I feel like I’m going to kill myself. 2 years is too long, I just really can’t take it for that much longer. I hate saying things like that and even thinking about it, but I’m being pushed past my limits and nobody believes that it’s really happening to me. They sympathize with me, but at the end of the day it feels like nobody really cares that much, they just read what I had to say, reply so they don’t seem like an asshole, and go on with their day. Aside from that, yeah. I really do feel like I’m going to kill myself. I can’t deal with it anymore. It’s just too much. All this is expected of me, and I’m just not allowed to be tired. I hate living atp. -
@zack there’ s a pretty little number you can call.
911
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@whatswrongwith-zof look i’ve wanted to call the cops on my dad but was scared to because i still loved him. I discussed it with a trusted adult first then got the police who gently warned us that if he did that again we have to call them
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Of course there’s always some racist fucking fag on Roblox who thinks he’s quirky and bullies me right after having the worst moments of my life
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@zack tell them to game end themselves
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