No title. (3)

[A Former User]

I don’t even know what to feel anymore. One second, I’m numb. The next, I’m breaking down. Then I’m angry, but not at anyone. Just at everything, at nothing, at myself. I can’t even tell if I’m sad or just exhausted. I think I’m both. Or maybe I’m neither. Maybe I’m just empty.

I want to scream at the world, but what’s the point? No one listens. No one cares. People pretend. They nod, they offer half-hearted words, but in the end, they all leave. They all let me down. They all promise, and they all break me. And the worst part? I let them. Every time. I let them walk in, I let them make me believe, I let them carve their words into my skin like a brand, like a mark I can never wash off. And as for when they leave? It’s always the same. Like I was nothing. Like I am nothing. Like I never mattered in the first place. Maybe I didn’t. Maybe I never will.

I just want to stop feeling like this. I want to stop questioning my worth every time someone decides I’m not enough for them. I want to stop feeling like a burden, like a mistake, like I’m just waiting to be discarded. I want to stop having to remind myself that I deserve better, only to never actually get it. I don’t know if I’m asking for too much. I don’t even know what I’m asking for anymore. I just know that I don’t wanna keep living like this.