rewriting the script of 'Star Warts: The Umpire Strikes back'

[Siloxa922]

Original here: https://www.musiclinedirect.com/_data/samples/pdf/stw/Script Sample Full Version.pdf?srsltid=AfmBOoqSPhBEcMjDGKFTNUcigoo8luDXZOIxYT0DV3IZSVyY7Jx3-F9G

PROLOGUE
TRACK 1: OVERTURE & STAR CHASE
(As the House Lights dim, the overture music begins. The curtain rises and a light
reveals a scrolling title banner. As we hear a familiar voice setting our scene, the title
banner scrolls upwards to subtitle the voiceover, mimicking a famous cinematic
opening sequence.)
VOICE: The universe has fallen into slavery under the control of the evil
Umpire, with his tyrannical grip and formidable forehand. From his
base on Planet Wimbledonia, he punishes all who break his rules. But
a new hope is dawning. Pursued by The Umpire’s sinister agents,
Princess Nebula races through the galaxy on a mission to restore
freedom to the universe. Dot dot dot! …Alright, that’s it crew! Stop! END THE INTRODUCTION!!
(A lighting change as dramatic music and laser blasts are heard. Trekkies move a cut
out of Nebula’s ship and a pursuing Imperial ship across the stage. As the sounds
suddenly dim, another lighting change reveals Princess Nebula and her android
butler, Qwerty, together at the controls of their spaceship. Nebula holds an
intergalactic steering wheel whilst Qwerty presses buttons on a large handheld
control panel. They are tense and desperate.)
QWERTY: Oh no! Miss, the imperial ships are gaining on us! They’re a lightyear away!
NEBULA: Ah! Really, Qwerty? I’m already stressed enough! Maybe we can outrun them…
(Qwerty checks the fuel cells.)
QWERTY: But… The fuel cells are empty, miss…
NEBULA: Lovely, we’re about to fall into the dungeon! I can already see the bars infront of us! What do we do?!
QWERTY: Maybe we should just surrender to them, probably the easiest way, Miss.
NEBULA: Hah! Surrender? Are we scaredy-cats that submit to everything? Or brave heroes who always strike back and win?
QWERTY: Oh, scaredy-cats, for sure. We’re done for!
NEBULA: Qwerty, you’re an android! You cannot be scared of this!
QWERTY: Put it this way, miss - that’s not oil running down my leg!
NEBULA: Nonsense! We’re on a mission - millions of lives depend on us. We
just need somewhere to hide till we can refuel.
QWERTY: I’ve detected a small space station just out of range, miss. Junction
Fifty-One.
(Fade out any remaining underscore from Track 1.)

TRACK 2: JUNCTION FIFTY-ONE
(The light goes out on Nebula and Qwerty and they exit. dramatic music and sound
effects resume as a Trekkie enters with Nebula’s cut out ship on a new course,
heading towards the Junction Fifty-One signpost. It crashes headfirst into the
signpost and sticks there. The Trekkie exits as Ada enters and starts dusting the
Junction 51 signpost as the scene changes.)
SCENE ONE
(Lights fade up on Junction 51 - an intergalactic Service Station with motel,
restaurant, shop etc. - a veritable home from home for the weary space traveller.
Eccentric proprietor Daft Ada looks up to see an approaching space craft and calls
off stage to her nephew, Luke Warmwater.)
ADA: Luke? Luke? The spaceships are landing! Luke?
(Luke enters.)
LUKE: Alright, Aunt Ada, I’m here! I’m here!
ADA: Well get the docking bay open! (Luke walks off and exits as Ada
calls after him). And smarten yourself up, Luke - it’s show time!

(insert Junction Fifty-One song)

TRACK 3: JUNCTION PLAY OFF
(The chorus and Luke exit, leaving Ada with the Trekkies - a group of exotically
colourful alien travellers from every corner of the universe. They gather around
Ada’s stall of space merchandise. A large sign reads “Daft Ada’s Star Wares” in a
familiar font.)
ADA: Welcome, star trekkers, to our humble commode - Junction Fifty-One.
I’m Daft Ada, and while my nephew, Luke, services your ships, please
peruse our star wares. We’ve got special offers on space suits and
blue milk.
COSMIC: Where do you get blue milk from?
ADA: Sad cows.
STELLA: What are those lovely flowers, Ada?
ADA: (holding the flowers) These are Romulan Rose’s.
STELLA: Great, I’ll take them!
ADA: You can’t, they’re Romulan Rose’s. Here you are, Romulan Rose.
ROMULAN: (taking the flowers) Thanks, Daft Ada.
QUASAR: (pointing at some crystals) What are those, Ada?
ADA: (holding the crystals) These are Cosmic Crystals.
QUASAR: Great, I’ll take them!
ADA: You can’t.
BUZZ: Don’t tell me, they belong to Cosmic Crystal.
ADA: No! They belong to Photon Phil.
PHOTON: (taking the crystals) Thanks, Daft Ada!

(Alfie Centauri and Anne Dromeda enter, leading a line of young Jelly Nit
Apprentices.)
ALFIE: Keep up, Apprentices! Single file!
ANNE: We’re taking a fifteen-minute toilet break!
APPRENTICES: Yes, Anne Dromeda!
ALFIE: Now follow us to the restroom.
ANNE: And remember, if they have a stiff American tap…
APPRENTICES: (punching the air) Just force it!
(Alfie and Anne lead the Apprentices off stage. Ada is now selling her space suits to
some Trekkies.)
JAFFA: I could do with some new space suits, Ada.
FLASH: (pointing at a pair of pants) Look, Blast Proof Underwear!
ADA: I named it Thunderwear! (she passes a pair over)
LUNA: (reading the label) Can withstand the deadliest gas explosions!
AURORA: (wafting a hand) Daft Ada could do with a pair herself!
ADA: (snatching the pants back and shouting) Bog off!
JAFFA: Pardon?
ADA: (falsely sweet) Buy one, get one free, dear~!
(Commodore Nintendo enters leading his army of Diddly Squits.)
COMMODORE: This way, Diddly Squits!
DIDDLY SQUITS: Diddly diddly diddly diddly!
COMMODORE: How much is a cup of cosmic coffee, Amiga?
AMIGA: Fifty Starbucks!
COMMODORE: Great, let’s all get a decapitated coffee!
DIDDLY SQUITS: Decapitated coffee…?
COMMODORE: Yes - there’s no head on it! Follow me!
DIDDLY SQUITS: Diddly diddly diddly diddly!
(Commodore Nintendo leads the Diddly Squits off stage and they exit. Cosmic has
found a small baby space suit and holds it up to show the others.)
COSMIC: Oh look, Daft Ada even sells cute baby space suits!
TREKKIES: (cooing) Awww!
ADA: (suddenly snappy, snatching them) I’m not selling them!
(Ada takes the Space Suit and moves to one side, looking at it and sadly
reminiscing.)
PHOTON: Didn’t you know? They were her long, lost son’s!
ALL: Long lost son?
BUZZ: Tell us what happened, Ada?
ADA: I never, ever talk about it. (she folds her arms and looks away)
ALL: Oh, go on!
ADA: (instantly happy to oblige) Alright then! I remember just like it was
yesterday…
TRACK 4: FLASHBACK
(Flash and Luna speak over the flashback music.)
FLASH: Gather round everyone!
LUNA: She’s having a flashback!
(The crowd surround Ada as she goes into a trance. Unseen, she swaps the space
suit for a spotty, crying baby. It is her long-lost baby son, Dennis. We hear a music
box melody as she emerges from the crowd in a flashback memory sequence
comforting her crying son. The crowd turn and face the back.)
ADA: Don’t worry Denny-poos! Be a good boy for mumsie and drink your blue milk! Oh no… Those green spots are getting much worse! Cheer up however, I’ve contact the doctor!
TRACK 5: PHONEBOX #1
(We hear familiar music and sounds as a telephone box appears on stage. Doctor
Woo emerges from it carrying a medical bag and the small Gordon pot-plant puppet.)
DOCTOR: Greetings, I’m the Doctor!
ADA: Doctor who?
TRACK 6: SFX COPYRIGHT ALARM #1
DOCTOR: (shouting over the alarm and looking up) Nooo! not Doctor Who… I’m
Doctor Woo! Doctor Woo!! (to Ada) Goodness, you have to be so
careful these days. I’m Doctor Woo and this (he indicates his pot
plant) is my companion, Gordon. Now, what’s the emergency?

ill continue this later gng dw