@Balavin-Dread What’s the reason you don’t care about yourself?
Edit: wait you said you didnt want to talk about it. That’s fine. I hope you find the confidence to seek some help though.
Edit again: But I would like to add in, it sounds like you don’t think you deserve to have someone stay with you. I really really hope you figure out that you do deserve happiness too. And discarding yourself and your feelings will not be a longterm answer.