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  • Little life update since I've been gone for a while! (Gurlllll prepare for so much info dumping)

    Hi! I’m back! Kind of.
    I know I’ve been offline for a while, but I’ve been really productive over the last month! I spent my last year at LSM (Lutheran Summer Music) Academy up in Northfield, MN and just got back on Sunday.

    It was a bit of a bittersweet year, meeting up with friends across the country for the last time. At least for a while. I did some things differently this year, and I’m really glad I did. I was actually a vocal primary, and got into Jazz Ensemble as a vocalist in a trio. (We ended up doing Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy!)
    This year the choir got to sing with Cantus on Stephen Paulus’ The Road Home, and I was part of a trio on the descant,
    I made my roommate of 4 consecutive years and my mom cry with both my theater solo and my solo recital (Top of My School - Katherine Lynn Rose for theater, and Laurie’s Song from Aaron Copeland’s The Tenderland for solo recital), and it was great.

    I should preface this section by saying that I am not a senior, but am rather going into my senior year.
    (Also my roommate knows everybody and what year they’re going into, which is important.)
    On the last Saturday, we sang ELW 880 (O God Beyond All Praising), which is a hymn set to Gustav Holst’s Jupiter, from his setting of The Planets, which is one of my favorite Holst works. However, this hymn also marks the day that we recognize our seniors.

    The Dean of Students (love her) called people’s names, starting with first-year students, then second-years, third-years, so on. I was also just talking to my friends before that morning prayer had started about how they’re going to recognize seniors, and I don’t get that, because I’m not a senior, so when the Dean of Students finally finished listing the senior fourth-year students, she turned to look at me in the front row (already holding back tears because I knew almost all of the seniors), and said “I’m going to include you in this too.”
    OKAY SO SHE HATES ME AND WANTS ME TO SOB MY EYES OUT.

    ON THE TRAIN OF PEOPLE HATING ME AND WANTING ME DEAD AND SOBBING MY EYES OUT:
    I vaguely mentioned something to my roommate, about how I wanted to get this one book that really meant a lot to me (The Boy, The Mole, The Fox, and The Horse by Charles Mackesy), and how I wanted to have people sign it and leave messages, but I couldn’t get one, so I was going to have people sign my shirt instead.
    On that Saturday night, after the orchestra concert, he came up to me, and gave me that exact book, signed by my friends, other students I don’t even know, staff, and all sorts of people.

    “To show you how loved you are here, and how much of an impact you’ve made, to those you don’t even know.”
    Those were his words exactly when he gave it to me.

    I read it that night, crying over countless signatures and messages on pages that mattered to me. Pages that I’ve had hanging on my wall since my first year in 2023, pages that I’ve had signed by friends and staff that I’ve known and loved for four years, and pages that make me cry just by looking at them and remembering the memories they hold.

    I’m really excited for this upcoming year to show the growth I’ve gone through, and for this upcoming summer in 2027, for my overseas trip! 🖤 🎤

    posted in Blog
  • RE: think i might be quitting from this forum once and for all.

    h4lfie (yes i did realise i made a goodbye post before this and now i feel stupid for making this… but we dont talk about that shush shh shh hush quiet)

    posted in User Announcements
  • RE: Heya

    Shazz_ we all love you here, man, no matter what. i’m very sorry you feel this way, i get the feeling. i hope you feel better. just know none of us dislike you at all.

    posted in Advice
  • think i might be quitting from this forum once and for all.

    title

    honestly, its a hard decision, but i haven’t used this forum for much more than saying “hello!” every once in a while. thank you all for being there for me through the years. i have a job now, lol, so i gotta tend to that now, giving me even less time to do anything with. last thing i gotta say is that i love yall more than anything. good run, goodbye!

    (i’ll probably end up popping in within the next 6 months to a year honestly, but what i mean by quitting is that i’ll be posting a LOT LOT LOT less than I ever did.)

    posted in User Announcements
  • Heya

    Maybe this won’t be helpful if I decide to talk about this on this forum, or maybe it might be (I’ve known many of you for years) but I’ve been needing some reassurance because maybe I’ve been the one doing wrong

    I guess I’ve just been, wanting to be personally loved and appreciated by a person I could call my girlfriend, but I’ve been through so many people it’s probably embarrassing and, I hate myself for it. The counter’s stopped at 6, at least of what I can remember. Each experience felt really nice, knowing that maybe this person was the one for me but as every one of those experiences went, it proved to be really heavy on me and light on them. I don’t think I’ve ever treated anyone badly or intentionally hurt, but a trend I’ve come to realize is just what pettiness can do in a relationship. I was cheated on twice, lied to, hurt because I in my honest heart didn’t know something my significant other may have taken it as. And those feelings when you’ve felt hopeless and betrayed really affected me the most. I get so hypertensive I wish I could just reverse time.

    I think I also overkill a lot of what I have done as a sign of my appreciation towards those people I wanted to love; some of you may know that I write my own music, and I often create pieces for a lot of them. I probably do so much that it’s considered a risk to continue.
    I try really hard to find the peace whenever it is possible in a relationship, but the sad result has always been something that could’ve practically been prevented, and understanding their emotions in those situations is honestly my specialty, as long as they know I want to be genuine in helping them as their boyfriend.

    I just rarely open up about this, some of you lovely people might expect someone like me to be perfect but I have my flaws, and I have wishes to be personally known and loved, understood and embraced. I’ve had some acute depression over these years, also due to family, demands and events, but especially just, thinking about loneliness. I guess that’s my fear because I always want to invite someone into my happiness and to share it with me. But it’s been very silent for me, emotionally.

    Thanks for listening ❤️‍🩹

    posted in Advice
  • Wowzers

    Screenshot(39).png
    1.5 million views on a forum post is crazy! I never knew this got this many over the years
    Also heyaa everyone! How’s it going <3

    posted in Blog