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I had a nervous breakdown last night, I was screaming sobbing into my pillow, I was blaming myself for everything, I wasnt okay, I couldn’t relax, I was shaking and sobbing and I couldn’t handle it, and then I was so exhausted from all my pain i just fell asleep. Then this morning I was nervous asf, I was shaking, I was crying, and my mind wouldn’t shut up it just wouldn’t and then i felt weak and malnourished and gross and like I was gonna pass out and my body weight has lowered significantly and I’m just a fucking wreck right now. I feel so fucking numb and anxious right now…so yeahhhhhh
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@Hexed-To-Death hey cyx are you okay?
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@rylie-is-hot-duh n o . .
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@Hexed-To-Death Well, I’m interested to know what’s making you so nervous. And it’s interesting that you mention blaming yourself since I just started talking about that. I haven’t gotten to this part yet though. What is making you blame yourself for everything?
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@Duchess the way I act and feel and the way i over exaggerate and make mistakes and the fact that I can’t stand it when I make mistakes to the point where it makes me want to cry and scream and the fact that I NEED to be perfect and I need EVERYTHING I DO TO BE PERFECT or I’m just a fucking failure
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@Hexed-To-Death I can’t help but think that maybe I’m the problem in my relationships, and maybe I’m the reason everyone felt the way they did about me, and maybe our relationship will fall under and crash but I love our relationship and I’m trying my best to be the best but I can’t stand to not be perfect, I’ve always gotten extremely upset every mistake I made
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@Hexed-To-Death you can vent to me if you want…
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@rylie-is-hot-duh it’d be a lot on you and I don’t wanna do that to you
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@Hexed-To-Death bitch i dont have anything going on in my life
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@rylie-is-hot-duh u sure it’s okay?
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@Hexed-To-Death It’s okay to feel that way when you make errors. Of course it can get exhausting if you hyper-worry that much about making a mistake in the present or future. It’s pretty natural to just not want to make errors. It sounds like you put a lot of pressure on yourself. Do you think something happens when you make a mistake? Like, are you afraid of judgment from others? Or is this something that all comes from you?
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@Duchess I feel like when I make a mistake that everything next I do will be wrong and it will just never end, and I feel the constant need to be perfect or else people might not like me or people will get mad at me or hate me or my boyfriend might dislike me or get mad or upset from me and I don’t wanna make him upset so everytime I fuck up I like try really really hard to make it up, even if the person were to say it’s okay and they’ve already moved on from it, I can’t stop thinking about it and it makes me feel like I’m a fuck up and a shitty human being
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@rylie-is-hot-duh To be frank, I don’t think telling people they can vent to you really makes them want to sometimes. It’s complicated, but sometimes it just feels better talking about it with a number of people together…? I think that’s why people rather make a whole post about something than dm’ing someone personally.
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@Hexed-To-Death im sure
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@Duchess no it’s okay.
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@Hexed-To-Death I absolutely know what you mean. One mistake doesn’t manifest the next, though. That’s something very hard to accept and believe, but it’s true. Mistakes don’t always leave a mark or scar. Depending on the level of mistake, just not being perfect isn’t going to leave people to not like you. We all make errors and that’s just how the world works. I used to (and still do sometimes) ruminate over slight errors that probably no one even noticed. What helps over time is realizing that you’re not a computer or machine, and that the beauty of life is that we’re not perfect. There was a quote from a movie I watched the other day and it was “I think if you admitted you made mistakes, people would like you more.” And even though errors seem wrong, it’s more of something everyone can relate to. And that’s what people like.
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@Duchess okay, thank you. :)
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@Hexed-To-Death I’d also like to add, don’t worry about the potential of making the mistake in your relationship. What I’ve realized is not worrying about making a mistake will leave so much more room for you thinking of the potential good things in your relationship. Don’t assume you’ll make a mistake. If you assume you’ll make a mistake at everything, you’re probably more prone to making a mistake since you’re already pre-expecting it to happen. There’s a healthy balance to being aware that you make mistakes (as a human being), but not thinking it’s all you are capable of, so it’s all you expect out of yourself.
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