Next To Me (Part 2)
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If you tell me that āitās timeā, my alarm wakes me from my slumber.
Thereās something mystical about gazing into your eyes, seeing every detail within the irises, even though itās a dream. The glow of heaven leaks into the sun we dance within, the dark interior of this magical celestial body lit dimly by the distant paradise.
Sorry, Miss Gilpin, but I want to fly into heaven with Katie.
Whether itās real or not, I want to be happy with this depiction of her. Even if my mind is the source of this figure, Iām still happy to spend my time with her.
Hell surrounds us as a dark, starless sky above an ocean of infinite depth. But with you and the light of the shining star, it seems more like Heaven to me.
Anybody can tell me to stop thinking about it, to say that Iām living a lie. But, what if Iām happy in this lie? Itās like Iām living in a time machine, but filtering it to only show the moments that brought me joy or bring me joy in hindsight.
The ghost of you dances with me every night, whispering sweet nothings into my ear as the day moves on to the next.
I want it, but I know I donāt need it. I know I donāt need it, but it brings me joy.
When Iām around your ghostly figure, I feel like Iām with somebody who cares about me like nobody else. You remind me of Ja-
All I see is you next to me, a ghost of you tangled up in my sheets. In a moment of realization, I awake to see the distant light of the real sun, the golden glow making my skin cold with a melancholy sting.
No feeling can compare to the emotions I feel when I hold your transparent hand in mine, not even watching Interstellar or War of the Worlds brings me half the amount of joy you do.
Tapping the keys on a piano leads to me eventually playing every song that reminds me of you. Making art leads to me drawing everything that reminds me of you. Talking to my friends and family doesnāt take my mind off of you for long. You invade my mind like you used to, but instead of bringing me sadness and longing, it brings me bliss.
No, I donāt see, feel, or even hear you when this happens, I just think about you. I wonder, daydream even.
One light, higher than the sun. Itās invisible to some, until itās time.
The dim but warm light of Heavenās frosty and blue tinted landscape greets me every time I lay my mind and body to rest, my eyes meeting your turned back.
When I step closer to your sitting figure, you suddenly move, standing up attentively and turning to meet me again with a sweet smile that never fails to make me feel warm.
How long do you wait? Does time move the same for you as it does for me, or is it stretched out like dreams commonly are? If itās the second option, I sincerely apologize.
Any moment I get to sleep, I want to take it. I want to dance with you.
To slow dance with you, is to experience the touch of an angel.
I canāt stay with you forever, though. I have friends who need me too.
Nothing else matters as much as you.
Everyone is just going about their day as well, just waiting for the time they get to dream about what makes them happy.
Even if Iām happy with you, thereās something about you that makes me even more sad when Iām going about my various affairs during the time of light. I guess thatās just there to balance out my happiness during the pleasant hours we share.
Daytime is a curse that I must live with, but itās all worth it if I get to spend time with you.
Anyone could tell me that this is unhealthy, and I know it is. But itās easier than accepting that Iām actually alo-
Staying with this shadow of you is better than thinking about the fact that Miss Gilpin māa gĆ¢chĆ© la vie.
However, even when Iām not thinking about anything, sometimes that thought reaches me faster than you canā¦
All I see is lifeās normal transactions, but all I can process is the repeated feedback from my past, the intensity of my thoughts being monitored and forced above a certain threshold.
Donāt let me sleep without the comfort of knowing youāll be there to dance with me in my dreams, Katie. Whenever Iām left to think about anything else Iām flooded by everything that has happened to me, like getting hit by a bullet train of emotion. Donāt leave me alone in my own mind, I need you to help me feel needed.
Oh, the sweetness of the airā¦
Why is everything so pleasant when I think of you? Youāve been out of my life for so long, and we only interacted once! ā¦Why.
Outer space seems so cool to me, but I want to just go to that white ball in the middle of our personal hell with you. I want to escape this prison my dreams have led me to, start new adventures within the dreamscape instead of being trapped in the mysterious Sun we have found ourselves in.
Fly with me, help me understand and realize whatās wrong with me. I want to figure everything out and feel like Iām not alone.
Yelling into the abyss, I look for an answer. But nobody came to answer.
Only me. Only you. Itās only us here.
Understand whatās going on inside my mind. Please tell me whatās going on! I need to know why Iām alon-
This isā¦ oddā¦ Why am I feeling this wayā¦? Why do I feelā¦ Everything?
How am I feeling everything at once?
Alone at the edge of the universeā¦ With youā¦ Why am I even thinking about this kind of stuff when Iām right where I want to be?
Tell me, am I being selfish?
Say something!
āBy the time you realize, Iāll be gone and youāll be awake.ā
āEh?ā
Everything is suddenly cut off by the appearance of a golden light outside my window. Itās daytime.
āNoā¦ā
Have I forgotten something? Why do I feel like I forgot the tail end of the dream?
All is alright, Iāll just ask her once I returnā¦
Understand whatās going on inside my mind.
Nobody else knows me as well as you do, Katie.
Time is moving slower every time.
I canāt see what you think I see.
Nothing makes me happy anymore except you.
Grand oceans loom below us, but youāre always there for me when I need you most.
Mine.
Yours.
Drifting off to that world of slumber once again, I think about you. In my last moments of lucidity, I imagine you next to me, just behind me in my bed as I enter the landscape of dreams.
Right when I cross that barrier, I see that white ball illuminating your mystical and gorgeous frame as you sit cross legged on the glittering surface of the ocean.
Even now, I wonder why Iām writing this rather than dancing with you.
Maybe itās the part of my brain that wants to see this document be done.
And all I seeā¦ is you next to me. A ghost of you, tangled up in my sheets. Itās what I want, not what I need; A
āMy dear, come dance with meā¦ā
Shadow of you. Thatās been haunting my dreamsā¦
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wow nice
