Things said in my D&D campaign (little raunchy??) (no order)

“God, I got like- post-fuck clarity and then you went post-fuck stupid-” -Cass

“Shut up.” -Kaz
“Make me.” -Cass

“A personal favorite of mine is the firestorm grenade. [He goes on to explain what it is.]” -Kaz
“You mean…a Molotov Cocktail?” -Cass
“A w h a t.” -Kaz

“You literally got me coffee and breakfast. The fuck else are you supposed to do? Besides me-” -Cass

“You lied to me.” -Nedamei
“Okay, listennnnn- listennnnnn- at that point I had no…intentions.” -Cass
“But then you saw him and changed your mind?” -Ne
“Correction: drunk me saw him.” -Cass

“I will- I swear to God, I will- I’ll…uhhh…I’ll steal your fucking kneecaps. They’re mine now, bitch-” -Cass (Drunk)

“Have at thee, then.” -An NPC bartender

“Am I probably going to get hammered? Yessirrrrr- is Maya probably gonna laugh at me for laying on her floors again? Yuuuup. Do I care? Absolutely not- She has good floors- did i tell her she had good floors last time?” -Cass
“You did.” -Sebastian

“I love being unsettling!” -Cass
“I don’t love when you’re unsettling-” -Kaz

“How are your wounds?” -Sebastian
“uuhhhahahaaa- yes.” -Cass

“Have you ever thought about not insulting people you just met?” -King Rito
“…I- We’re working on that.” -Cass

Not in the storyline–just me and the DM:
“I giggle at Ezekiel’s (he’s a criminal Cass had a run-in with to get a thing) nickname every time I think of it. Speaking of, how tall is he? (Just humor me, there’s a point here that you may or may not get.)” -Me
“I’d imagine he’s somewhere between 5’10”–6’2"?" -DM
“GOD DAMN. Not very ‘little’ then, is he?” -Me
“OH MY GOD YOU WERE GOING TO MAKE A LITTLE WOLF REFERENCE.” -DM
“YUPPPP- but not if he’s that tall, god DAMN-” -Me
“He’s supposed to be the hot, sleazy, thief. Ofc he’s tall.” -DM
" ‘Hot, sleazy, thief’ is wild- 😭" -Me