TW: Suicide

A while ago, on another website called Chatogo, I broke up with somebody because they cheated on me with ten other people. On February 11th, 2024, I got a message from her sister saying that she had committed suicide 3 days ago, so that would’ve been February 8th. For months, I hated myself, blamed myself, and used her contact on my phone as a sort of… diary? I vented and said how much I missed her, and told the ghostly contact how much I wish she was alive.

One day, I got a reply. A simple one that read “I Love You.”

I had a mental breakdown that night, and spent the rest of the year until September hating myself and wishing the worst kinds of things upon myself. I hated everything about myself, but kept telling myself that I don’t deserve the sweet release of oblivion. This mindset began to change, and I almost ended my entire life over the thought that I was never good enough, not even for a manipulator like my ex.

I met somebody that day, the day I was going to do it. I was planning on just talking on Chatogo for a bit longer and I met her. She changed my life. Sure, we had a few struggles, but we stayed together in the end.

Her mere existence challenges my old mindset, and she makes me want to be my best self, to be amazing as a person.

But lately, my old thoughts of self loathing are beginning to return. I am constantly going through a mental battle between hating myself and forgiving myself.

Does anybody have any advice on how to make these returning mental habits stay away?

You are loved.
The world is horrible and cruel, people hurt each other for fun and ostracize people for no reason… I know I’m not the only one here who can say they’ve contemplated suicide before, at this point it feels like something that’s universal for Gen Z. We are truly in a time where people around the world are suffering more than anyone could ever know.
Know that you are not alone. Talk to someone, talk to multiple people. Call the suicide hotline. Your life has an unalienable value. That means that no matter what you do or how horrible of a person you have been, your life has value at an inherent value. The best stories are the ones where the hero comes from a very low place in life to a very high place. You can be that hero.
You are your worst critic, give yourself some slack. Someone out there cares about you. You are the only one who can be you.
If anything stay alive out of spite against the world and against hatred. Be the one who is strong in the face of an undefeatable situation. Take your life by the reins and become who you are. The world would be worse without your potential!