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okay soo… i just wanted to kinda vent…? the first part isnt really the part i need feedback on but you can read it if you want.
FIRST PART.
one of my good online friends committed suicide yesterday and i feel like more of a failure than i already am bc i couldnt save them and i couldnt help them as much as i should have. and i feel like total shit and i dont know what to do anymore to be honest. i cant handle losing anymore people… so if your going to fucking leave me later, leave me now so i dont feel the pain later and i just feel it now…
FEEDBACK PART.
so i went over to my friend kristin’s house on monday and spent the night over there leading into tuesday and we did normal shit you do when you go to your friends house so it was nothing new yk. and then yk me, i notice shit very easily especially if its from my friend or from my partner. so i kept looking at her wrist and i noticed that there was a shit ton of cuts on her wrist and i looked at her and said “what happened to your wrist” and she just looked at me telling me that it was nothing as she starts to hide her wrist from me the whole time i was there bc i noticed. and when i get home like an hour or so later i get a message and this was the convo.
k - “dont tell anyone pls”
r - “huh?”
k - “my wrist”
r - “oh”
r - “wait what”
k - “your the only one that knows”
r - “what what happened to your wrist?”
k - “nvm”
r - “OHHHHH- im dumb”
k - “dies”
r - the time when i asked what happened to your wrist?”
k - “idk”
r - “oh i knew man. as soon as i saw your wrist i know you did SH. you dont have to hide it from me. also im not going to tell anyone even tho im a really bad friend from not telling but i just want you to know that if it ends up blurting out then im sorry. i just… i worry abt you a lot more than what you think. and im going to feel horrible not telling anyone tho bc if you end up killing yourself im going to be the one to blame bc i knew you did self harm.”
k - “ill be fine”
k - “just dont tell anyone”
r - “i cant promise that i wont tell anyone ONLY bc if you know me you’d know i spit things out that are on my mind sometimes so if i do end up telling someone ill try to not make t my mom bc then she would instantly go to your mom abt it and i would feel bad bc by then you’d probably just hate me.”
k - “i wouldnt hate u i just dont want anyone knowing.”
r - “makes sense. when i did it i didnt want anyone knowing but i covered it up with an ace-bandage so my mom knew as soon as she came home from work bc i also didnt go to school that day. and pls just know that im here for you. and again, if it does spit out im really sorry and ik you’ll be upset for a while but at least you’ll get the help you need if your mom ends up knowing bc i havent been really helping you as much and im sorry i havent.”
k - “no its okay”
k - “oh yeah my mom got pissed at me for not waking up til 12:30 lmao im sorry for that tho u must’ve been so bored”
r - “lmao no i was just playing roblox all morning”
and that is the thing i need feedback on… what the fuck do i do? ik i told krissy i wouldnt tell anyone but do you think i should tell my mom or something? like… idk what to do. i dont want her to get upset with me but should i be the good person here and tell my mom?
OFF-TOPIC
i was on a zoom with ash (ky) yesterday and they had a ring on their left hand and i have my ring on my right hand on my middle finger and i was like “we should get “married” and have our rings on the same hand and finger” so they put their ring on their right hand on their middle finger so now we’re bestie married lol
ENDING.
thank you if you read this… i really need someone to tell me what to do with the second part bc i dont want her to hate me but i feel like i should tell my mom abt it bc its not a joke and its not something you should hide from your parents bc its important even tho ive been doing that anyways. -
@xay-is-hot-stfu My advice to you would be to definitely tell someone about it, in this case, your mom. Comparing the fact she might kill herself, against the chance of preventing this by telling someone you trust that could help her, there’s nothing to lose - Fine, she might get upset, but what’s more important is getting the help that she needs. Would you rather face the chance of losing your friend without telling anyone prior, or to tell someone, saving your friend with only the small consequence of them possibly getting upset?
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Shazz_ yea… im going to tell my mom abt it and just risk losing a friend but at least she’ll possibly realize that i do really care for her and im doing this for her. thank you shazz your literally the best<3
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@xay-is-hot-stfu I agree with what Shazz said completely, which he said it perfectly. There are stuff I’d like to add in too :)
When being friends with someone who is self harming, it obviously takes a toll of responsibility. Do you tell, or do you not tell and respect their wishes? Staying loyal to a friend to keep their trust is tempting when you love them very much, and you only want them to feel safe with you. But there definitely are points when someone needs a sort of help that is beyond you. And when it comes to her life… Definitely make sure you take care of them. But what I’d suggest is be very gentle with this friend. Make sure they know that you just want them to find help. Not everyone wants the “find a therapist” bandaid to be stuck on the broken leg, but there are some really good and understanding therapists out there who specialize in all sorts of categories.
When a lot of people decide to self harm, there are a number of reasons why. But something I found in just about every case is that people just want to be understood and believed. Whether it’s about something they’re personally going through, or a situation that is happening to them Physical wounds are hard for an outside person who has never been in those shoes to understand, but maybe your friend can find comfort that she isn’t alone, and she has you who understands her.
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