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If you donât care donât fucking read.
yall. im relapsing, in love with my ex still, my mom is yelling a lot, i feel alone as fuck. like⊠frfr. and i donât know how to handle it. I have a lot of dysmorphia because of my principals. Theyâre always saying i canât wear stuff because its distraction and i canât anymore⊠like honestly its weird. i just⊠canât handle this shit anymore. it hurts. it hurts like FUCK. Iâm insecure as fuck, and I love myself but like⊠its hard to when everyone around you tries to make you hate yourself. I mean people finna hate, but damn⊠leave me and my self esteem alone⊠Itâs hard to be here when people act like im dumb, and i am because i shouldnât have started vaping in the first place but now i keep going back and its hurting me. but honestly, i didnât even do it for me, i did it to fit in, i was hella immature and i wanted to belong and now im here. and i keep saying that im gonna stop and that im gonna ask about rehab but i canât, my mom doesnât need anymore on her plate. her grandmas gonna die, her mom has cancer. and honestly, iâve lost a lot lately and my friend encouraged me to try christianity, so i did. for about a month and now i just feel alone and people are like âoh its a walk of faithâ âoh its a trial.â well, gods trying me a little to fucking much if it is that and i donât wanna believe in or need help from someone thats gonna put me in so much mental pain.
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@shaggy2dopelmao :(
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@shaggy2dopelmao Finn, Iâm really sorry that youâve been in this, somewhat whirlpool of, loosing things and trying to cope with all of this pain - itâs very healthy to love yourself, and I understand that others who try to reverse it want you to turn back on that love, but what you should strive for is continuing the things that have given you encouragement. You said your friend wanted you to establish a Christian faith, so you did for a while, but you stopped because of these current family issues that are overwhelming you? Or,
Encouragement and advice from your friends like that could help re-orient you in some direction other than a depressive one. I know that you care a lot about your mom and her grandma, and Iâm really sorry to hear that she has cancer, but if youâre thinking that God is pushing you out of your limits, He isnât intending that. He loves you, and although things seem hopeless at this time, destiny for those times to change will happen, and they may happen at any time.
Right now, being as close to your family, regardless of whether sheâs expressed anger/yelling, is the best you can do to fell secure within yourself. Loving them increases the love for yourself, and can potentially decrease your mental pain. -
@shaggy2dopelmao Wow, Iâm so sorry youâre going through all this right now. That is a lot. I have some questions about this if you dont mind.
What would you say is holding you back and keeping the love you have for your ex? Do you regret breaking up?
By lonely, do you mean in general? Or because you dont have someone to relate with/talk to/have on your side? Or because your relationship with your ex and mom?
So for your school, is it a dress code to wear what the principals want? I feel like if itâs casual clothes but itâs what you want, it should be fine. Iâd have to see what they mean by it being âdistactingâ though. That seems a little odd. Especially since I doubt people get distracted with as much as the principles/teachers these days say lol. There was this girl when I was in middleschool who wore a tail, collar, and ears to school every day. It was unique for sure, but no one said it was a distraction or told her to stop. I feel like if youâre wearing something particularly considered unique, even then I donât think that stuff is distracting. I guess youâd have to convince the principal of that, but good luck with that I guess. Sometimes you kind of just have to do what people want even if it hurts. I would try anyways though.
Itâs interesting you mention being insecure but you also love yourself. I donât know the context of that part, but Im glad you love yourself. Thatâs the best I could ask of you and you already do that. So definitely good on you. Insecurities are hard to manage since theyâre 9 times out of 10 something you canât just change fully. Is there something you do that helps with being insecure? Like certain clothes or something?
About what you said about people trying to make you hate yourself, do you mean like them not accepting you and trying to get you to change?
The thing about fitting in is tough. I dont know what people do to fit in these days, but if it puts your health at risk, obviously thatâs not good. But honestly? I donât even blame you, Fin. You pretty much have to go along to get along these days and itâs scary. I wish the world didnât pressure people into things just so they can feel acceptance. That is something you should be getting no matter who you are or how you act.
Recovering from a really addictive substance is no boubt, really hard. So if you ask me, youâve already done step one of rehabilitation. Acceptance. Accepting itâs bad and wanting to change it is already getting you somewhere. So be proud of yourself, Fin. I am. Not many people want to stop or even care.
I have suggestions:
I think one thing that might help you is setting yourself some rules. Instead of trying to just quit, maybe start slow? Slowly limiting what youâre trying to break helps a lot more than it sounds. Like saying âIâll only vape after schoolâ and then âIâll only vape after I finished all my homeworkâ and then âIâll only vape on the weekends,â you catch my drift? I done know how often you do it or how addicted you are, but this stuff helps. And the best part is looking back and seeing how you have changed. It can be a slow process, but slowly limiting when you vape is better than beating yourself up every time you do it.Christianity isnt something you can just âtry and see what happens.â Walking the faith is a little misleading to me though. You canât just up and walk in faith that you donât genuinely believe or know. I was just hearing the other day that said if you know Jesus, youâll love Him, and if you love Him, youâll trust Him, and if you trust Him, youâll surrender your problems to Him. Itâs like a friend. You donât jump straight into trusting someone if you donât know them. And you sure in the heck wonât trust theyâll help you. God isnât a magic man that if you âtry Christianity,â everything will change and be better. Christians fight battels too. Struggles canât be avoided no matter what you believe in. Itâs how you seen your struggles that makes the difference. If you are interested in seeing what there is to believing in God and how it helps, Iâd read some stories about Jesus. And definitely talk to some Christian people about their perspective and reasons. Let me know how you feel about this. Im curious.
Last but not least, I wanted to say my sympathies for your family. Being on the verge of losing family is scary stuff. If only it were avoidable. In the time your family has left here on earth might seem like youâre just waiting for the moment to happen. If you can visit these people, Iâd do that. If not, call. If you canât do that either, thatâs okay. Maybe there is something that will bring this time some peace. I know learning how much people loved my great aunt and uncle put me at peace. And how much people loved my great great aunt. The things you canât change are hard to take in, but doing something to make you feel better about the situation could be all you can do. Itâs in the doctorâs hands (I donât know if the two people are in the hospital or not).
Im glad you took the time to talk about these things. They might seem impossible to handle, and seemingly do it alone, but Iâd just like to say: even in the loneliness, thereâs someone there, even if itâs at a distance. And mppc will always be that distant place you can come to for the support.
Shazz_ Sometimes peopleâs home life isnât something you really want to get close with. And I donât know how that is for Fin, but some families canât make you feel secure within yourself. Some are toxic. Some donât care. Ive learned family/friends support and love isnt always an option for people. Even if it absolutely should.
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@shaggy2dopelmao Question, sorry if I am acting rude :<
What is dysmorphia?
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@laraiia body dysmorphia, it means i donât like the way my body looks.
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@Duchess the problem is he broke up with me for his mental health and i never really stopped caring?
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@Duchess im glad you wrote all that, its good to know you care duchess, it makes me feel better
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@only-finneas Well, thatâs odd. Unless you were stressing him outsomehow, I dont know how he had to leave for his mental health. Not to dismiss him, but Ive heard people say that just because they didnât have a reason and just didnât feel like dealing with the situation/relationship o_ o
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@Duchess ill send you the message actually- dms is better for this ngl
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@only-finneas Ohh
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