Wishes. (another rant/vent)

[alyx.iz.in.starzz]

I have these dumb little wishes, like that i was with him, or i was any where else. But theres so many more. Like how I wish i could hurt without having a panic attack and getting dizzy. Or how i wish i could stay clean. Or sober. Or that my chest was flat or how i wish i thought i was pretty. I only think one part of me is pretty. Then i ruin it by leaving things that might never go away. So i wonder, Do i even think that part is pretty? Or is it cuz everyone likes the way they are on me? I think about leaving those things in other places, but thats dangerous. I wish I could stay clean. I wish I thought I was actually pretty. I like when he calls me pretty. But not so much when anyone else does. Like its not real from anyone but him. It’s so hard for me to believe it sometimes. I wish I loved me. I wish my voice sounded more masculine. And that my chest was flatter. I wish I was a boy. I wish everyone didnt hate me. I wish for too much.

[alyx.iz.in.starzz]

@CherriBomb see, but you wanna be a girl…im stuck feeling like ill never really be a boy