Got bored and kinda typed my emotions out
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I don’t want you guys to think I’m some sort of giant nut case, but adults have mental health conundrums too. This is just a giant wall of text I typed out last night while I was feeling down. Feel free to read it, or don’t, doesn’t matter to me.
Sometimes, despite being surrounded by a lot of people, I genuinely feel alone. I am married, and i obviously know I can talk to my wife about anything I want to, and we have deep talks on occasion. But in life, especially when we get older, there are boundaries to what other humans can understand about each other and the dynamic my wife and I share is divided by our mental health and deep thoughts. She is very open about how she feels, she will tell me anything on her mind and I will gladly listen. But Me, on the other hand, I bottle my emotions up into this tiny, indescribably small corner of my head. It gets full very rarely but when it does, i don’t know what to feel. I feel empty and full. I feel lonely, yet on top of the world. I am a very social person, i enjoy talking with people, but at this stage of my life, the joy of having people around me has honestly faded. My friend group has dwindled to a small handful of somewhat mature adults that i talk to on occasion. Yes, i recognize that I am a part of this community, but I can’t, and wont just go around striking up conversations with people way younger than me. That’s not a good look. I feel lonely, yet I…almost want it to be that way? It’s a weird feeling. Adulthood is a strange beast to conquer and I still think i have ways to go before i fully understand how to cope with adult mental health issues. As an adult male, it is uncommon and almost looked down upon to let my feelings and emotions be known to those around me, yet, when i let them simmer, it eats away at me. I’m a relatively successful person for my age, and I have a lot to feel happy about. But that leering feeling of being scared that I will someday die without being happy with my accomplishments is always creeping about. I wish i could see a therapist that wasnt 200 dollars a session. But that’s life right now, everything is expensive, even feeling happy when you aren’t. I get into these occasional moods where i just feel unbearably unhappy for absolutely no reason. I need people to talk to but even the thought of pestering someone for a simple conversation is too much for me to grasp. My wife knows i get in these moods, but there’s simply nothing she can really do to shift my mood. It’s literally like a piece of gum stuck to my shoe, you can pick at it and try to rip it off for hours, it just becomes a mess, it’s best to let it fall off on it’s own accord. I’ve never been super open about my emotions, so much so that many folks of this community probably see me as an emotionless robot, but alas, I do have deeper emotions than you think, and with all the things i’ve been through and triumphed from, my brain is a hard beast to understand sometimes. Luckily none of you will ever have to understand my brain.
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@CaptainPresto damn bro
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@CaptainPresto I’m sorry you’ve been through this, i hope it gets better dude.
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@linoluv It’s normal for people to go through mental slumps, even adults believe it or not
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@CaptainPresto i believe adults go through it too, not just teens and kids. All people do.
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@CaptainPresto
Real actually. I had felt that way for a long time and I still do whenever I go on break from school. Not being forced to talk to and be around people (especially those I dont see every day) on a regular basis is really a daily struggle.
