Maybe this wonāt be helpful if I decide to talk about this on this forum, or maybe it might be (Iāve known many of you for years) but Iāve been needing some reassurance because maybe Iāve been the one doing wrong
I guess Iāve just been, wanting to be personally loved and appreciated by a person I could call my girlfriend, but Iāve been through so many people itās probably embarrassing and, I hate myself for it. The counterās stopped at 6, at least of what I can remember. Each experience felt really nice, knowing that maybe this person was the one for me but as every one of those experiences went, it proved to be really heavy on me and light on them. I donāt think Iāve ever treated anyone badly or intentionally hurt, but a trend Iāve come to realize is just what pettiness can do in a relationship. I was cheated on twice, lied to, hurt because I in my honest heart didnāt know something my significant other may have taken it as. And those feelings when youāve felt hopeless and betrayed really affected me the most. I get so hypertensive I wish I could just reverse time.
I think I also overkill a lot of what I have done as a sign of my appreciation towards those people I wanted to love; some of you may know that I write my own music, and I often create pieces for a lot of them. I probably do so much that itās considered a risk to continue.
I try really hard to find the peace whenever it is possible in a relationship, but the sad result has always been something that couldāve practically been prevented, and understanding their emotions in those situations is honestly my specialty, as long as they know I want to be genuine in helping them as their boyfriend.
I just rarely open up about this, some of you lovely people might expect someone like me to be perfect but I have my flaws, and I have wishes to be personally known and loved, understood and embraced. Iāve had some acute depression over these years, also due to family, demands and events, but especially just, thinking about loneliness. I guess thatās my fear because I always want to invite someone into my happiness and to share it with me. But itās been very silent for me, emotionally.
Thanks for listening ā¤ļøāš©¹
