Hate this [tw. Sh & stuff]

[asher.dean.in.space]

I feel like relapsing, i have for a while, i want to see the blood from where i cut, i wanna see my skin torn up, i wanna see it just to feel something… I want nic but being the idiot i am i told someone and they told my adult. I want to run, run until im in so much pain i pass out. And hopefully not wake up. And it feels like i cant tell anyone that my mental state is so sbit rn. Fuck even my therapist thinks im ok, she put my next appointment in October from April. I cant go that long. My antidepressants arent working. There is like 2 things that make me happy. And even then i wanna cry. I dont wanna be here. But i have to be the happy always here person. I have to be ok fir others. I need to help. It doesn’t matter if im ok as long as others are…

[ɪɴꜰɪɴᴀ-ᴘʜᴏᴇɴɪx]

Buddy. I know some things that may help get your mind off of this long enough for the appointment.

1. Play a relaxing game
2. Stargazing
3. Watching nostalgic shows that you used to love.
4. Write a song if you know how
5. Hang out with your friends after school
6. Tell your best friend (or just somebody you really trust) about this and don’t be afraid to cry if you need to. They’ll understand if they’re a good friend.
7. Listen to relaxing sounds when going to sleep.
8. Listen to songs that aren’t sad or remind you of something terrible. Listening to emotional songs only makes things worse.

You may think you need to hurt yourself in order to feel something, or just because you deserve it, but just remember who cares about you. Think about what they would do if you hurt yourself to the point you pass out. Don’t make them scared, okay? If not for them, do it for us.

I used to hurt myself like you do, but I stopped because I realized who it would really hurt.

[borrowed_time]

Asher Dean I don’t know if this is gonna mean much coming from me, a stranger, but I’m proud that you haven’t yet. Everyone has thoughts of relapsing back to those kinds of things, addictions aren’t easy to get over, however the fact that you are coming to this community to talk about it and you haven’t yet makes you stronger than most people including myself. My advice to you is to stay strong and lean on people close to you, if you have a lover, talk to them, journal, you’ll make it!! And as for other people being okay above yourself, that’s not a good mindset, on planes, they tell you to put your oxygen mask on before anyone else, that’s for a reason! You can’t save anyone else before you save yourself.