rant TW suicidal thoughts
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im really suicidal tbh. if i seem like i overshare or if it seems like i don’t really respond or im out of it thats why. ive just been zoning out a lot lately imagining scenarios of suicide and im worried because. i dont really wanna die… i just want the pain to go away. and i’ve been trying i really have to pretend like im okay, to fake it til i make it, but very few things make me happy anymore and i just feel so alone and so distant and im surrounded by people who love me and care about me but i just… don’t really feel it. and im really trying my hardest, to find things that make me happy. thats why i play a million sports, because i dont want to be depressed, i wanna be happy, i wanna be okay but im just not. i try to distract myself, i try to smile and suck it up but nothing ever works and i just want it to because i don’t wanna feel like this because i hate this feeling. and my parents aren’t helping, they’re deadnaming me and misgendering me and i pretend like its fine because i know they don’t mean to hurt me but they do. its the little things like telling me “finn isn’t your real name” that get to me and it makes me feel so goddamn inferior. like people can’t relate to how i’ve smiled when i wanted to cry just so the people around me are happy. they can’t relate to how i love people, platonically and romantically, with all of my heart and then they break it. like fuck you for stealing my heart, but fuck you EVEN more EVEN MORE for giving it back broken. i don’t know anymore. i just, im really trying but i can’t. im still gonna be online for all of you guys but i just wanted yall to know why because people have been telling me that im distant, and i don’t mean to be im just in my own world, because im thinking about everything, my lifes decisions the words that i speak, i rethink everything at a later date and wonder why i did things and its concerning because i should be moving on but im not. and theres so many things that i wish i could tell people i feel, but i’d be selfish, or if i told them i wished that i wasn’t depressed they’d just tell me to stop. and its like WOW YOU’RE SO SMART OMFG I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT. but all this to say, don’t judge a book by its cover because you never know what someones going through. especially me. i don’t reveal a lot of details about my life even to people irl. they know the generality of it yes but i don’t tell people things because im just so afraid of being hurt that i shut everyone and everything out. and im sick of ts. but im gonna deal with it because eventually it’ll go away. i hope. but um. thats all.
if you read all of that, ilysm.
i love you
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@finn-kinda-hot are u ok.
HEY NOW I HATE U FOR A LIFE TIME
┌iii┐٩(º▽º๑)۶ …𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐳𝐮𝐤𝐢…𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐤𝐨…𝐦𝐟… -
@ya_girl_acton yes, after all that being said im fine -_-
i love you
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@ya_girl_acton did you just ask if there ok…
ain’t no way… -
@BӨDYPΛЯƬZ EXACTLY after that whole damn paragraph
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…
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@finn-kinda-hot Dude… damn. I’ve never been in a situation like that, so I have no fucking clue how it feels to be in said situation. I can only give you support through a screen.
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@finn-kinda-hot :v k
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@finn-kinda-hot said in rant TW suicidal thoughts:
and i’ve been trying i really have to pretend like im okay, to fake it til i make it
literally that sentence answers your question
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@InvalidBandit yeah, its really hard ngl
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@finn-kinda-hot i’d give u a hug but i can’t :(
If u need to vent more im here :) -
@Ryleigh_queen thank you :)
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@finn-kinda-hot :)
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“i think about killing myself”
“are u ok”
“what the fuck do you think” -
im sorry you’re going through all this pookie. i understand because i see it happen and i know you’re hurting because when you pay close enough attention it shows in your eyes and in your smile and im always gonna be here to help you as much as i can. my mom loves you so much you could come live with me and i’d never let anyone hurt you again finn, and pretending isn’t gonna help my lovely, you gotta show people you’re hurting or they’re gonna keep hurting you and i know its hard when you’re suicidal, but people love you and need you here but even, fuck everyone else, what about yourself? You wanna throw away your dreams of being in the blue and gold marching machine for dumbass people? What about being a pro soccer player? pookie, you gotta keep going, theres so much brightness in your future and the shitty people you deal with now are gonna strengthen you. i swear ik its hard to hear but im always here for you no matter what.
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@jeff-dfw-no1 jeff you- really didn’t have to say all that… ily man
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@jun exactly like where is the sense
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@finn-kinda-hot Oh man D:
I am truly sorry that you’ve been feeling so out of order, I had no idea to this extent of it. Suicide seems like the way out, but like I say, the only thing that comes out of that is even more sadness, more sorrow.
Your family should really respect who you are, and your needs and everything. You’re deserving of the happiness you need, and the help from your friends.
I really hope you can overcome this - you’ve helped a lot of people, including me, over things similar. It’d be time for us to stay with you, to make sure you’re doing okay. -
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