I miss her...I can't help but think it's my fault.

[Your Local Shadow Simp]

I honestly don’t care. I’m going to use names.
Me and Sophia (Aspen) started dating back in late 6th grade, early 7th grade. I had gotten out of a bad relationship previously, and things happened, and she had told me she liked me a little bit after. I told her that I had felt the same. Unfortunately, I was an extremely closeted kid, who was terrified to tell my parents I had a girlfriend. (They eventually found out.) Despite me being so closeted and not able to say “I love you” or send certain colored hearts over text because at the time my mom went through my phone and it would get figured out, we stayed together. I eventually got Discord, got some friends and some people from here (Zeri/Jinx, Harper, and CatBlepBoi), and we would just talk. I had a mini-music group, (I called it my Choir Hell Server) and I introduced Sophia as my gf to them, and my mom found out. She wasn’t mad, but she was disappointed at the fact I didn’t tell her. I tried to explain that I wasn’t ready to tell her. She never brought it up again. Although…Late 8th grade…She was going through an Aro-Ace phase, and she told me that romantically loving people wasn’t something she wanted to do/wasn’t interested in at that time. I told her I understood. We were still friends. We still talked to each other daily. She ended up getting another partner (Ace-NB), and it hurt. It was so soon…
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I had another partner later, and we lasted until November 16, 10:31 P.M. I honestly wasn’t that upset about that one. I had a feeling it would start to not work out. It was like an…early birthday present. I know that’s a terrible thing to say, but it just…wasn’t the same as what I was hoping for in a relationship.
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Fast-forward to Valentine’s Day, 2024. Luke (BF/Partner-He/They-Trans) asks me to be their Valentine’s, and we start dating. I’m happy with them, but every once in a while…I just look at her and think “I wonder where we could have been if I hadn’t messed up so much. If she was still mine, and I hers.” She’s so pretty. She’s what I wish I could be. She’s perfect. She can make friends so easily, and she’s just such a kind caring soul. Gods, I miss her. It hurts to see her daily sometimes.
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Songs I associate with her are I Hear A Symphony by Cody Fry and A Shitty Gay Song About You by Ezra Williams
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TL;DR: I miss my ex-gf, and it wasn’t really my fault, but it feels like it. :P