Gamizavier Hello, I recently came across your post and wanted to take the time to reach out to you directly regarding what you shared. I read through your experiences, and I wanted to express that I’m sorry to hear how difficult your time within the BDNS community has been. It sounds as though you’ve dealt with a considerable amount of frustration, disappointment, and strained relationships throughout your involvement, particularly concerning trust, your responsibilities as a staff member, and the circumstances surrounding your ban and eventual blacklisting.
I understand that being involved in an online community can become difficult when personal relationships, staff responsibilities, and administrative disagreements begin to overlap. These situations can be especially discouraging when you feel that your perspective has not been adequately heard or that your attempts to explain yourself and resolve matters have gone unacknowledged. While I cannot speak to every detail of what occurred, I recognize that these experiences can leave a lasting impression on someone’s willingness to participate in a community or place their trust in others.
I also want to acknowledge your willingness to recognize your own mistakes. Taking responsibility for actions that may have contributed to a difficult situation is important, and I appreciate that you were transparent about the decisions you made, including the instances in which you bypassed restrictions. At the same time, I believe that understanding these situations requires considering the circumstances from multiple perspectives rather than making assumptions based on one person’s account alone. Acknowledging your own shortcomings while also expressing how you feel you were treated allows others to better understand your experience without dismissing either side.
Regarding what you shared about trust and your experiences with other individuals, I can understand why those circumstances may have influenced how you approach interactions with others now. Trust is not something that can always be restored immediately, particularly after experiences that have left someone feeling misled or taken advantage of. However, I hope that these experiences do not prevent you from recognizing the possibility of building positive and meaningful connections with people who demonstrate honesty, consistency, and respect through their actions.
I was also sorry to read that your involvement with BDNS had such a negative effect on your overall well-being. Although you mentioned meeting people who made your time there worthwhile, it is unfortunate that those positive experiences were accompanied by so much stress and disappointment. No community experience is entirely without conflict, but I believe that healthy communities should strive to create an environment in which concerns can be addressed constructively, responsibilities are managed fairly, and disagreements can be discussed with mutual respect.
Ultimately, I appreciate you taking the time to explain your perspective and reflect on what happened. I don’t believe that anyone benefits from reducing complicated situations to simple judgments about who was entirely right or wrong, especially when there may be context that is not publicly available. I hope that, with time, you are able to move forward from these experiences, find some peace with how things unfolded, and focus on the relationships and communities that bring something positive into your life.
Thank you for being open about your experiences. I genuinely hope things improve for you moving forward, and I wish you the best in whatever comes next. 
