I hate.. Me. (MENTIONS OF S,H)
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I hate how tonight, as I am writing this I get little flashes. Little flashes of my sister, being happy and joyfulโฆ Little flashes of my mom telling me sheโs happier without me (she actually said this through Gmail)โฆ Little flashes of my dad being mad at me (heโs never madโฆ Just stern with his teachings. But Iโm a little winy bitch who canโt take a bit of salt.)
Iโm just here. Laying in my bed. Sad. Wanting a hug. Trying to remember that my sister isnโt sleeping with me anymore. (We used to share a bed). I might miss her seventy birthday. And other birthdays to come because of my fuckass mom not letting me see her and shitโฆ
I donโt knowโฆ
I kinda wannaโฆ Hurt myself in some wayโฆ Just do something. To show thatโฆ Iโm still hereโฆ
Or to punish myselfโฆ
Either orโฆ
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Tomorrow Iโm going to go on my walk but tell no one. Iโm just going to go.
Iโve been walking on this nearby trailโฆ And so Iโm just gunna go igโฆ
Not for attention. I justโฆ I just want to get fresh air by my selfโฆ Iโll do it tomorrowโฆ I wonโt run away though ima come back for sure ๐
Iโd usually call my dad as I walk butโฆ Not tomorrow ๐คท๐พโโ๏ธ
Donโt worry he has my location on snapโฆ
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I gotta clear my headโฆ Idk I just hate myself and my highs n lows.
