I'm really not ok... (just a check up on how things are going)

[ry_rylie]

this week has been complete SHIT. I lost two friends. I’ve been friends with these people for a long time and I’ll explain.

first off, the first friend I’ve lost a few of you know them (wont say who because I don’t need drama) but we stopped being friends 5 days ago because of some things (wont say that either because personal stuff) but that’s been really hurting because they were literally the first person I ever really got close to when I started going to my old school in 5th grade and shes been there for me since day one I just think that once you get older you focus more on relationships and other important things and you forget about all the things that really matter and I think that’s why a lot of people lose friendships.

second off, my friend (we’re gonna say S for his name since I dont want to say his full name) S I’ve been friends with him 10 years so since 2nd grade and back then I really liked him but we were obviously too young to think about relationships. well, I left that school back in 5th grade and we didn’t talk since we didn’t have any way to. anyways, I came back to the same school I used to go to back in 2nd up to 5th grade and he happened to be in one of my classes. well, I started liking him a few months ago and at the time I didn’t know if he had a girlfriend or not so a month back I was going to give him a letter telling him how I felt but come to find out he DID actually have a girlfriend but you know me that didn’t really stop me from liking him because crushes go away but not over night. well, on Wednesday we both went up to Mrs. Langhart’s class (shes a W teacher I love her) for flex (everyone has it but its like a focus/study hall. like if you have any missing assignments or need to go to a teacher then you can) and you know we were talking and then this is where I’ll show some screenshots.






and now we aren’t friends. everyone keeps telling me to give it time and to let him come to me and all this other shit but I didn’t even want this to happen because I KNEW this shit was going to happen. I kept telling myself “should I send it and just get it over with or should I just wait until maybe they break up” because I feel HORRIBLE for liking him when he has a girlfriend in the first place. but we’ve been friends for 10 years. 10 fucking YEARS. and I didn’t want to tell him because I didn’t want this shit. oh yeah, and do you see the fact when he said “I’ll still respect you, I’ll still show you kindness, I will still certainly treat you like a person” but yet I went up to his 6th hour because I had to finish some testing with Mrs. Langhart for English and I tried talking to him and he completely ignored me. so like what?? I get that he needs time I’ve been giving him time. but completely ignoring me and acting like my existence isn’t there hurts just a tad.

oh yeah p.s, THEY ONLY SEE EACH OTHER ON THE WEEKENDS AND SHE DOESNT EVEN GO TO OUR SCHOOL!!!

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also off-topic but regarding me resigning, I’m not doing that I’m just going to take a break for a bit. :)

[Sphinx]

☕𝜗𝜚 rylie If you need someone to talk to I’m here…

Help is available
Speak with someone today

988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline
Hours: Available 24 hours.

Talk to a therapist on these trusted sites.
https://www.7cups.com/
https://www.teencounseling.com/
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/tx/dallas?category=adolescents-teenagers-14-to-19
https://www.betterhelp.com

Here’s a post about depression and Anxiety and some resources/Numbers to call for help.
https://mpp.community/forum/topic/6422/disclaimer-mental-illness-depression-stress-anxiety?_=1707833756884

Here is a post you can use talking about self improvement, It’s a little vague and might not work for everyone… But you can try!
https://mpp.community/forum/topic/46666/steps-to-have-self-improvement?_=1708474024729

You can join this group If you want to be included into a private chat group that I’ll be starting if you want to talk and share your thoughts
@Depression-Anxiety-Therapy