...I'm going to be serious for a second.

[ɪɴꜰɪɴᴀ-ᴘʜᴏᴇɴɪx]

[Metric] Reflection #6.mp3

After everything I’ve gone through, I can’t do this anymore, I simply give up. This feeling of isolation is digging into my skin like thousands of needles injecting me with a melancholy sting. The link cannot be answered, merely a thought, an idea. They are all drifting like boats and ships away from the dock, and my anchor cannot be lifted. It feels like I’m losing people in a crowd, watching their face fade into the rest like they’re sinking into the ocean.

Later I ask myself ‘am I sinking into the water?’. Drowning and unable to breathe or call for help, the gap between me and the surface now growing rapidly. My hopeless cries cannot be heard, for I don’t know how to scream anymore. I have been silenced by my own mind, my body betraying me like an old friend backstabbing me and leaving me to die. Do my friends feel the same way about me?

Lost in the ocean, drifting out to sea and watching the shore get smaller and smaller. I can’t do anything but hope that somebody is able to see me and help me get back to land. But, like a small bird collapsing from the nest too early, I am destined to hit rock bottom.

I see people around me laughing and enjoying life, but it’s like I’m watching them through a bulletproof window, unable to break out and join them. Do they know? Do they care?

Seeing this pains me, and I can’t do anything about it. All I can do is cry quietly to myself, and hope nobody notices. They’d make fun of me if they saw me in such agony, thinking of me as a weak minded fool, unable to get past what they don’t understand.

Everything starts, relationships and friendships. Everything happy goes to everyone else, everybody who deserves it. They never think about us, the people who are unable to break through their own glass window. Everyday is a new beginning for them, thinking that the routine is a healthy reminder of what they have.

Everything ends too, the breakup of a relationship and the sudden halt to a once great friendship. Everything negative goes to us, as if silently handing us a shovel as we look at the dirt and contemplate digging our grave. We always think about them, wishing we could tell them to break the glass and help us through. Everyday is blurring together, the routine becoming a cycle of meaningless choices, for our choices never matter anyways.

[OY.SSTUFF]

damn… I wish I could do something

[A Former User]

Infina-Phoenix This sounds like a poem. I hope you find the person to bring you to shore. You always deserve that opportunity and the chance at joy. Im sorry you feel like youre sinking. Your vision might be blurry from underwater, but who knows. There could be a person drifting right toward you right now, so close to reaching down to lift you up.