Poetic.

[Sphinx]

Date: 1/30/35

I just want to tell my mom… But words fail me.

Is it so hard to love, truly love, and support your daughter,
Instead of wrapping lies in the guise of “tough love”?

No one can love me like she can—
But no one can hurt me like she does, either.
Her words, sharp as knives, cut deeper than any stranger’s,
Any distant family, any indifferent boss, any sibling’s silence.

I trust her more than anyone.
She knows my heart, my mind, my secrets.
And she knows how to break them.
She can twist words, weave stories,
And somehow make me believe it’s my fault,
Even when I know it’s not.

I see those TikToks—mothers and children laughing, loving, hugging—
And I ache. I’m stuck in a place where warmth feels foreign.
Am I not trying hard enough?
Am I ungrateful, disobedient, bad?

Some days, I look at her and loathe her,
For she doesn’t understand.
I don’t want the love of strangers or of friends,
I want my mother’s love.
Something real. Something healing.

But the more I try, the deeper I fall,
Into shame, into loneliness, into questions
I can’t seem to answer.
I’m just a child, longing for something I can’t reach.

So I search for the love I need from others.
From my dad, from his wife.
They give me what she couldn’t.
Is it really so hard to give?

I see now, the truth in the mirror:
I have mommy issues.
And I can’t seem to break free.

[Sphinx]

This post is deleted!

[Sphinx]

I know I have mother issues too…

1. I get attached to any woman In my life who shows me attention (My dad’s wife, teachers, family members)

2. I try to get attention in unhealthy ways like pretending to be someone I’m not because my mom never gives me attention so I go to other people with lies to make myself look cool or amazing…

3. I over sexualize myself

4. I act like a child when I get healthy love because I never really got that from her when I was younger so when I get it from per say my dad, I feel like a child again, In a good way… It feels nostalgic and freeing, or with my family member’s kids, like some younger cousins, I have a motherly way about them, Like I would… care for them and love them as if they were my children. Like as if I’m a fun aunt or something.

5. I sometimes become a pick me… Because I want to be seen. I want to be heard… I want to be. Loved.

[Sphinx]

“I’m your mother, I will love you like no other”
“You can always come talk to me”
“I’m always here for you”
“You need me”
“I’ll always be here”
“I love you”
“you have me”
“I won’t be here forever”
“I’m Proud of you”
“you don’t need anyone else”
“I’ll help you”
“I’ll guide you”
“I’m here to guide you through life”
“I’ll NEVER Kick you out”
“You’ll never be on the streets”
“You’re so talented”

[Petrol Consumer]

Me too. I am so thankful someone understands me without even knowing me :'I. Thank you for posting how you feel, it genuinely makes me feel less alone. You’re an amazing poet, artist, and altogether person, you may see flaws in yourself just like I see flaws in myself, but those are what make you, 1/∞.

Keep being you even through your pain.

I am grateful to meet you the time I have :)

[Sphinx]

@Cole Thank you… I’m glad (but not glad cause this is terrible) that I have someone to relate to!

[Petrol Consumer]

Sphinx We’re in this together ^^!