I hate.. Me. (MENTIONS OF S,H)
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I hate how tonight, as I am writing this I get little flashes. Little flashes of my sister, being happy and joyful… Little flashes of my mom telling me she’s happier without me (she actually said this through Gmail)… Little flashes of my dad being mad at me (he’s never mad… Just stern with his teachings. But I’m a little winy bitch who can’t take a bit of salt.)
I’m just here. Laying in my bed. Sad. Wanting a hug. Trying to remember that my sister isn’t sleeping with me anymore. (We used to share a bed). I might miss her seventy birthday. And other birthdays to come because of my fuckass mom not letting me see her and shit…
I don’t know…
I kinda wanna… Hurt myself in some way… Just do something. To show that… I’m still here…
Or to punish myself…
Either or…
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Tomorrow I’m going to go on my walk but tell no one. I’m just going to go.
I’ve been walking on this nearby trail… And so I’m just gunna go ig…
Not for attention. I just… I just want to get fresh air by my self… I’ll do it tomorrow… I won’t run away though ima come back for sure 👍
I’d usually call my dad as I walk but… Not tomorrow 🤷🏾♀️
Don’t worry he has my location on snap…
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I gotta clear my head… Idk I just hate myself and my highs n lows.
