I feel like I am going to die

[somnium]

I ate too much
I watched something horrific
I’m failing in Honours English
I’m losing my ability to type properly
My parents are pushing me to the point where I’ve threatened to kms
I can’t do anything fun anymore

Life is a blur to me at this point
2000+ years for what?
How the fuck have we have not killed eachother?
I know too much and that is a curse.
I resist too much because I know if I fail, I die.
I’m weakened to the point where I can’t survive

[Your Local Freak]

somnium if ever need to talk in depth about anything, I’m more than willing. I know it can be hard, and it seems like giving up would be the easy way out–trust me, I’ve been there before. But it gets better. I promise.

[somnium]

♥『𝑀𝑜𝓍𝓍𝒾』♥ I feel like I’m trapped inside my own head

I can’t let out my feelings irl because I’ll just seem like I’m not productive.

[somnium]

somnium everyone around me wants me for my output, not my input

because i don’t have an input, only an output

and honours english is too hard for me
“just write” they said
it’s the only class where i have an input but no output

and in algebra (2), (same teacher as honours english) he goes too easy on me. i’m really good in math, but really bad in english.

[somnium]

somnium my mom only wants to see my gpa go up
my dad don’t give a fuck, thank god he doesn’t

but my mom makes him give a fuck.

[somnium]

somnium i want to run away from both of them
they drive me crazy

my grandma (mom side) and my (step-dad-grandpa idfk) is a bit cuucoo

my uncles and aunts don’t give a fuck about my grades

i’m really good in navigation and medical, really bad in speech and opinions.

[somnium]

somnium public school was hell

my opinions are “wrong” to them

im anti-american in an american country
im socialist in a capitalist dystopia
im out of the loop in a society post-irony
im in hell while some are livin it up
im stuck inside while people are out to play
im suppressed while the criminals are let go
im privacy, justice and rights first instead of power, greed, and marginalization
im a traitor in a place where my life is on the line
im a martyr in a world of hate
im a demon in a world of saints
my beliefs are strong but my mind is weak
im inferior to love but im superior to hate
im stuck in my head, while choosing what is right
im taking my own road while being dragged back in

[somnium]

somnium

in my eyes, im dying with the world, not for it
im against the odds and still going (but for what)
im trapped in a prison, being forced against a prism
im fragmented in more ways than one

i dont feel whole
i feel broken
shattered like glass
my poetry is good but any longer and ill die
i cant breathe my own breaths because the system is bogging me down
i’ve dissociated for too long
and i can’t help others for any longer

[somnium]

somnium i used to put others first
now i have to put my beliefs first b4 me
i cant do that
i cannot let go of people

i miss the past, but i was too crazy to enjoy it then
and now i hate the future and im “too crazy” to embrace it…

[somnium]

somnium
i feel like i need to run off into the sunset
run off the planet and watch it burn
see the bonds which once held me behind, perish into annihaltion

i wouldn’t be surprised if earth is my hell
i wouldn’t be surprised if i had to live this life again
i dont want to close my eyes and not wake up, but i feel like i have to

if i was blind to all the horrors, i would be okay
oblivious but happy

but my hearing is too good
my eyes are too strong
i must peer into the chaos
i must understand why