Got suspended from school yesterday. (TW ;; Self Harm, Etc)

[yawnzzn]

I recently had stuff going on at home, which you guys known since 2023. but it was recently worse. so at school in second period, I was secretly unscrewing a pencil sharpener and used the…razor blade on myself under the desk. A girl I’m friends with (who was " The silly one " on here before my BSF dessa took over) saw me doing it and was doing it to herself too. then did it to me as well. we were joking over our trauma but we were soon caught due to the small amounts of blood on the floor. We were then suspended n our parents got called. My mom thought about sending me back to the mental hospital (Mind you, the one I go to has people fighting, getting R@ped, Mainly dying, and more dangerous stuff.) So the thought of sending me back is already insane instead of asking me if I was okay. I never talked to my therapist about it, even though I genuinely need to seek help and get myself.out this horrible place I call home.
I am not okay. And I need to seek help. And before anybody says its my fault, I know it is. I know I shouldn’t have cut myself, but it was literally the only best option…The memories and flashbacks kept flooding in my head so I just cut and cut.

I really need help.

[KayaRoseWho]

Yeonjun 𝜗ৎ . I’m not good at helping but I’m here to listen. It will get better. I understand this feeling and such, you r not alone. I suggest trying to find other way to stop doing it. See if you are able to get silicone stress thingy I forgot what it’s called but the silicone and has spikes on it and you squeeze it and it gives you that feeling but like it doesn’t hurt you and it doesn’t like do anything if you know what I mean.

[ayin]

Yeonjun 𝜗ৎ . okay but quick question, why the fuck are you self harming IN SCHOOL of all places. you could’ve done it anywhere else even. not saying this is invalidation but you genuinely need to have a reality check.
i feel a mental hospital WILL help you get back on your feet unless your experiences there are terrible but again, i’ve never truly been in one and i researched how it looks/feels like. even your therapist will probably recommend it for you

stay safe but dude please just not do that somewhere where someone may have a fear of blood (hemophobia) or wounds (?phobia) you’re weird for that shit

[piddles]

ayin In this person’s defense, school is a place where students are unsupervised by their parents, so if you think about it, I can understand why they harmed at school and not at home. No, they shouldn’t be harming themselves, but respectfully, a “reality check” cannot heal the trauma causing it in the first place.

Yeonjun 𝜗ৎ . I understand that harm against yourself feels like the only way to escape your feelings towards your situation, but it is certainly not the “best” option. The best option is talking to someone about what is going on and sorting through your feelings with them before they turn into regrettabe actions. I can guarantee that harm is not the solution, and in fact, only allows your trauma to dictate your life further.

If you need someone to talk to, dm me and I can give you my discord. I’m active daily, so you can talk to me any time and I will listen and do my best to help.

[yawnzzn]

KayaRoseWho , piddles thank you two for the support. I’m kinda getting better right now, I’ve just been going thru a lot.

as for ayin

why the fuck are you self harming IN SCHOOL of all places. you could’ve done it anywhere else even.

I self harmed in school because I felt like it was the safer option, plus, if I self harmed at home, I wouldve gotten yelled at n most likely beat for my actions. which honestly would’ve made things worse. I wasn’t doing it for attention or because I thought it was “ cool ”. I was already overwhelmed and trying to get through things the only way I knew at that moment. School felt like the only place where I wouldn’t immediately get punished for breaking down.

you genuinely need to have a reality check.

I do not think that will help me get back on my feet. And Considering that something is wrong with me. Reality checks will NOT fix what’s happening to me. Im aware that something is wrong with me.

you’re weird for that shit

Again, I stated why I said it was my fault, You didn’t need to point that out again. I said and I quote " And before anybody says its my fault, I know it is. I know I shouldn’t have cut myself, but it was literally the only best option ". Therefore I do blame myself. Saying that I’m weird for that genuinely hurts my feelings. You could’ve said it a different way. I already admitted that I blame myself for what happened, so repeating it or calling me weird doesn’t help anything. I literally explained why I made that choice, even if it wasn’t healthy. You don’t have to agree with what I did, but there was a better way to respond than insulting me for it. I’m already struggling enough with my own thoughts, and comments like that just make me feel worse instead of understood.

[KayaRoseWho]

Yeonjun 𝜗ৎ . honestly they’re replay made me pissed off. Because like nobody should ever be mean about it this is a vent topic to vent to listen and for advice the way that they want about it and how they talked about it wasn’t OK they should not have said you need a reality check or that you’re weird for that shit because I can just make the person depending on the person who is venting could make them feel even worse about it, which I am. Sorry if they made you feel even worse about it.

If you need somebody to talk to, you can talk to me and I’ll listen to you. I’m not good at advice, but I will definitely listen to you and be here for you.
Everything will get better and you’re gonna be OK❤️ (used voice to text bc my fingers hurt from playing a game lol)

[yawnzzn]

KayaRoseWho Thank you so much for understanding me. This made me feel a little bit better and I’m glad that me n you feel the same way Abt what they said to me, I thought I was just overreacting and / or being dramatic, Thank you for this.