Vent <3 TW!! Suicide, Narcissistic mothers, Self-Harm, Depression, Knives, Tall heights, and Other.
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@Haven
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@Calistaa nah ive made posts expressing my suicidal thoughts and no one really says anything
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@finn-dfw-u -._-.
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@InvalidBandit True Hehe
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@Haven Then follow them yourself.
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@InvalidBandit That’s fr my face when I don’t follow the rules I fr don’t care hehe
Cause Nobody else followed them
Besides this is a vent and Its so easy to either block me or Mark the post as read ;p
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@Haven Srry came back but um- you should kinda care, that’s all I’m going to say :/
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@Haven Imagine someone making a thoughtful vent and then people come and say “you’re breaking the rules” lol
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@Duchess exactly, thats part of what makes me mad, i mean its just like, someones clearly put a TW and they’re asking for help and you’re worried about the rules which dont get me wrong are important but not more important that someone getting help they need.
yes it is, but if it was a problem the moderators would say something about it and they haven’t said anyting about it yet
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@Haven Firstly, sorry I wrote so much about each paragraph. I feel very strong about your story. And I really don’t want to sound corny, but when I first read your stories in the past, I couldn’t wait to reply, but I wasn’t sure how. Secondly, your posts a while ago, I saved a doc replying to them a long time ago, and I was meaning to share it back then, but… then time went by and I wasn’t sure if it’d be weird now or anything. I wanted to make a whole post one day since it had been so long but I really didn’t want to seem like I was calling you out or anything. I responded to each paragraph labeled below:
(Part 1) “(This happened yesterday Feb, 26 2023)”
Even if your mom doesn’t agree with the lgtbq’s, it’s not like she should lie that she supports you and then not actually support you. I mean, she doesn’t have to support something she believes goes against her religion, but she should still love you and treat you right. You’re her child, so it’s just the right thing to do. I think she wanted to accept you for being bi and non binary to make you feel happy, but didn’t really want to since she doesn’t really agree with it. But lying about how she felt wasn’t really right in my opinion. I think what she should have said from the beginning was the truth, like, “I may not agree with you, but I’ll still always love you,” or something like that. Everyone naturally disagrees and judges others, but I feel like we should not treat people poorly just because people’s beliefs collide with ours. But also, you should not lie about it just because you’re afraid of how someone would react. A part of being your mom is for her to be honest. It hurts more if she reveals that stuff later on than if she just said how she felt in the first place. If it hurts, it hurts, but at least you wouldn’t have been deceived from the beginning, yknow? -
This post is deleted! -
@Haven I see that you’ve been through a lot, and I truly hope that your mental well-being hasn’t degraded to the point of becoming your major problem due to any causes that may be. Whether it’s your parent’s interference, attempts at suicide and the big one of them all, depression, you’ve been the fighter - pushing your way out of these moments, and having the strong heart to manage each one of them, to then make aware the reality of your situations to others. I understand these delicate concepts, for you’re obviously not alone - although some widely contrast, the main point here remains very real. Struggles can be hard to process, but what should always happen in this context, is getting the resolution and acceptance that you very well deserve, not only because you are loved, but also because there is nothing wrong with what you want to be. There should never be. But as for some individuals that despise certain things but their own requirements, that they think are the only correct way out for their children, it can seem unlivable and hopeless.
And these things can very well influence other parts of the mind. In your dreams, as you state, previous happenings and thoughts impact the functions as to what emerges into a dream. This is frankly a real fact, and in general it happens all the time. But always having troubling dreams very frequently is of concern.
Nevertheless, we’re thankful to have you, and to have learnt about these diary entries - it has showed and explained a lot to me, and has given me time to dedicate some thought about your troubles.
And I’m very thankful you have a Therapist. Having someone to legitimately discuss these things with is a vital choice
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@Haven
(Part 2) “(This happened last year)”
This is the story I wanted to reply to last year, so I’m glad you mentioned it again.“Oh so you thought you could hide it from me? You thought I wouldn’t Notice"
When your mom said this, all I could think of was one person I know. And they say those exact types of phrases. Which, these things your mom says to you, they’re just huge assumptions she creates in her head because she feels threatened. Let me explain what I mean. Most parents want to control what their kids do and raise them a certain way, which is pretty normal. But narcissists think that their kid is always trying to disobey them since they have an extremely fragile ego that they can’t let be messed with by anyone, let alone “disobedient kids.” Threats to their parenting skills and control are huge triggers. Narcissists can never be told they’re wrong. And the worst part of being the child of a narcissist is when they make huge assumptions about things you do. They’re hyper conscious about who’s trying to “get” or “pull one over” on them. And since narcissists are very scared that people are after them and their power, they will attack you. This creates that feeling of having to walk on eggshells because you don’t know when the narcissist will make up another assumption and attack you once again. And it’s not even like you can just tell them they’re wrong, either. Because you can’t.
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holy shit ill fr have to read this when my eyes don’t hurt and when im not on phone
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@Haven
(Part 2.5) “(This happened last year)”
“she told me she didn’t know She said that. It was such a big thing How could I Remember everything but she just didn’t.”I know a narcissist who says that exact phrase about “not knowing how you remember what they did.” And that’s pure gaslighting. A lot of people think narcissists can never apologize for their mistakes, but actually, they can. They can at least in a certain way where it is also not a real apology when you actually think about it. The grandiose narcissist usually tries to blame the mistake on you within an “apology”, saying “I’m sorry you felt that way,” “I’m sorry you got hurt,” “I’m sorry you thought I was trying to hurt you.” Or when they don’t say something like that, they’ll try to justify their mistakes while apologizing, for example, “I’m sorry, but all I was doing was…” or “I’m sorry, but I was just trying to help you by…” Which can make you feel like you’re making a big deal by being hurt by them in the first place! There are also narcissists that can actually sound very genuine! A covert narcissist will apologize, but play the victim card, making them seem like they’re sorry, but they’re actually using their apology as a way to get more attention. For example, “I’m so sorry I’m such a bad person” “I’m sorry I did what I did to you, you’d be better off without me,” ect. It would rather make someone feel sorry for them instead of the attention being on the one who got hurt. I’m not saying this is what your mom does at all, but it’s just some interesting information on narcissists. I do think it’s fishy how your mom kind of gaslighted you by saying she was “not sure how you remembered it.” It might be nice to an outside viewer that she said sorry, but I can tell that her calling you that name made hearing it over and over in the apology pretty triggering. I know a narcissist that says an apology for doing something, but would actually seemingly purposely use the triggering word over and over in the apology. Which might not even be conscious in a narcissist, but they love making drama. One of the narcissists that I know actually admitted to loving to push people’s buttons. And…that’s pretty much what narcissists do when they see the moment to do it. It actually is fun to them. Because when they do it, they know they’re getting under your skin so you can burst and then use that to make them look like the good guy and you the bad guy. You can’t really explain them pushing your buttons to someone or you sound like you’re making a big deal. If you told the narcissist, “you’re saying that word as many times as you can to push my buttons,” they’ll surely pull the “oh whatever could you mean by that” kind of garbage. So you kind of have to just deal with it. Because you cannot by any means call out a narcissist’s behaviors. You will only accomplish getting more hurt and more confused. And I’ll almost guarantee you that in the end, you’ll be gaslighted so much, you’ll be more confused than if you didn’t call them out.
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@Duchess converts it to google docs
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And also know one thing-
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If you need to talk
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We are here
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@Haven
(Part 3) Online therapist: "What stresses you out
“filling her cup and giving her some food. I feel that I’m the parent here. But then If I complain I would get scolded for being ungrateful. for being lazy.”I have to admit, this really struck me. I know someone who is like this and they are a narcissist themself. It’s okay for your mom to ask you here and there for something. That’s okay. We all want things but want to just chill for a bit so we ask someone else to do it. But making you feel scared if you ever say anything about it is pretty frightening. And I can totally see the pickle. You could say something about you being stressed and risk getting scolded, or don’t say something, and continue compounding the stress. I assume you’ve been scolded before about that sort of thing so I’m sure you’d know. Complaining might be annoying to some people sometimes, but it’s not like it’s healthy to never complain. I wouldn’t even call a lot of things “complaining,” honestly. If you never tell people about the negative things you feel, it’ll just harm you inside at some point. And the fact that you feel scared to express that since your mom might (or will) scold you, is pretty despicable. And I’m really sorry you have to deal with that.
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