Vent <3 TW!! Suicide, Narcissistic mothers, Self-Harm, Depression, Knives, Tall heights, and Other.
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@Calistaa nah ive made posts expressing my suicidal thoughts and no one really says anything
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@finn-dfw-u -._-.
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@InvalidBandit True Hehe
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@Haven Then follow them yourself.
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@InvalidBandit Thatâs fr my face when I donât follow the rules I fr donât care hehe
Cause Nobody else followed them
Besides this is a vent and Its so easy to either block me or Mark the post as read ;p
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@Haven Srry came back but um- you should kinda care, thatâs all Iâm going to say :/
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@Haven Imagine someone making a thoughtful vent and then people come and say âyouâre breaking the rulesâ lol
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@Duchess exactly, thats part of what makes me mad, i mean its just like, someones clearly put a TW and theyâre asking for help and youâre worried about the rules which dont get me wrong are important but not more important that someone getting help they need.
yes it is, but if it was a problem the moderators would say something about it and they havenât said anyting about it yet
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@Haven Firstly, sorry I wrote so much about each paragraph. I feel very strong about your story. And I really donât want to sound corny, but when I first read your stories in the past, I couldnât wait to reply, but I wasnât sure how. Secondly, your posts a while ago, I saved a doc replying to them a long time ago, and I was meaning to share it back then, but⊠then time went by and I wasnât sure if itâd be weird now or anything. I wanted to make a whole post one day since it had been so long but I really didnât want to seem like I was calling you out or anything. I responded to each paragraph labeled below:
(Part 1) â(This happened yesterday Feb, 26 2023)â
Even if your mom doesnât agree with the lgtbqâs, itâs not like she should lie that she supports you and then not actually support you. I mean, she doesnât have to support something she believes goes against her religion, but she should still love you and treat you right. Youâre her child, so itâs just the right thing to do. I think she wanted to accept you for being bi and non binary to make you feel happy, but didnât really want to since she doesnât really agree with it. But lying about how she felt wasnât really right in my opinion. I think what she should have said from the beginning was the truth, like, âI may not agree with you, but Iâll still always love you,â or something like that. Everyone naturally disagrees and judges others, but I feel like we should not treat people poorly just because peopleâs beliefs collide with ours. But also, you should not lie about it just because youâre afraid of how someone would react. A part of being your mom is for her to be honest. It hurts more if she reveals that stuff later on than if she just said how she felt in the first place. If it hurts, it hurts, but at least you wouldnât have been deceived from the beginning, yknow? -
This post is deleted! -
@Haven I see that youâve been through a lot, and I truly hope that your mental well-being hasnât degraded to the point of becoming your major problem due to any causes that may be. Whether itâs your parentâs interference, attempts at suicide and the big one of them all, depression, youâve been the fighter - pushing your way out of these moments, and having the strong heart to manage each one of them, to then make aware the reality of your situations to others. I understand these delicate concepts, for youâre obviously not alone - although some widely contrast, the main point here remains very real. Struggles can be hard to process, but what should always happen in this context, is getting the resolution and acceptance that you very well deserve, not only because you are loved, but also because there is nothing wrong with what you want to be. There should never be. But as for some individuals that despise certain things but their own requirements, that they think are the only correct way out for their children, it can seem unlivable and hopeless.
And these things can very well influence other parts of the mind. In your dreams, as you state, previous happenings and thoughts impact the functions as to what emerges into a dream. This is frankly a real fact, and in general it happens all the time. But always having troubling dreams very frequently is of concern.
Nevertheless, weâre thankful to have you, and to have learnt about these diary entries - it has showed and explained a lot to me, and has given me time to dedicate some thought about your troubles.
And Iâm very thankful you have a Therapist. Having someone to legitimately discuss these things with is a vital choice
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@Haven
(Part 2) â(This happened last year)â
This is the story I wanted to reply to last year, so Iâm glad you mentioned it again.âOh so you thought you could hide it from me? You thought I wouldnât Notice"
When your mom said this, all I could think of was one person I know. And they say those exact types of phrases. Which, these things your mom says to you, theyâre just huge assumptions she creates in her head because she feels threatened. Let me explain what I mean. Most parents want to control what their kids do and raise them a certain way, which is pretty normal. But narcissists think that their kid is always trying to disobey them since they have an extremely fragile ego that they canât let be messed with by anyone, let alone âdisobedient kids.â Threats to their parenting skills and control are huge triggers. Narcissists can never be told theyâre wrong. And the worst part of being the child of a narcissist is when they make huge assumptions about things you do. Theyâre hyper conscious about whoâs trying to âgetâ or âpull one overâ on them. And since narcissists are very scared that people are after them and their power, they will attack you. This creates that feeling of having to walk on eggshells because you donât know when the narcissist will make up another assumption and attack you once again. And itâs not even like you can just tell them theyâre wrong, either. Because you canât.
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holy shit ill fr have to read this when my eyes donât hurt and when im not on phone
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@Haven
(Part 2.5) â(This happened last year)â
âshe told me she didnât know She said that. It was such a big thing How could I Remember everything but she just didnât.âI know a narcissist who says that exact phrase about ânot knowing how you remember what they did.â And thatâs pure gaslighting. A lot of people think narcissists can never apologize for their mistakes, but actually, they can. They can at least in a certain way where it is also not a real apology when you actually think about it. The grandiose narcissist usually tries to blame the mistake on you within an âapologyâ, saying âIâm sorry you felt that way,â âIâm sorry you got hurt,â âIâm sorry you thought I was trying to hurt you.â Or when they donât say something like that, theyâll try to justify their mistakes while apologizing, for example, âIâm sorry, but all I was doing wasâŠâ or âIâm sorry, but I was just trying to help you byâŠâ Which can make you feel like youâre making a big deal by being hurt by them in the first place! There are also narcissists that can actually sound very genuine! A covert narcissist will apologize, but play the victim card, making them seem like theyâre sorry, but theyâre actually using their apology as a way to get more attention. For example, âIâm so sorry Iâm such a bad personâ âIâm sorry I did what I did to you, youâd be better off without me,â ect. It would rather make someone feel sorry for them instead of the attention being on the one who got hurt. Iâm not saying this is what your mom does at all, but itâs just some interesting information on narcissists. I do think itâs fishy how your mom kind of gaslighted you by saying she was ânot sure how you remembered it.â It might be nice to an outside viewer that she said sorry, but I can tell that her calling you that name made hearing it over and over in the apology pretty triggering. I know a narcissist that says an apology for doing something, but would actually seemingly purposely use the triggering word over and over in the apology. Which might not even be conscious in a narcissist, but they love making drama. One of the narcissists that I know actually admitted to loving to push peopleâs buttons. AndâŠthatâs pretty much what narcissists do when they see the moment to do it. It actually is fun to them. Because when they do it, they know theyâre getting under your skin so you can burst and then use that to make them look like the good guy and you the bad guy. You canât really explain them pushing your buttons to someone or you sound like youâre making a big deal. If you told the narcissist, âyouâre saying that word as many times as you can to push my buttons,â theyâll surely pull the âoh whatever could you mean by thatâ kind of garbage. So you kind of have to just deal with it. Because you cannot by any means call out a narcissistâs behaviors. You will only accomplish getting more hurt and more confused. And Iâll almost guarantee you that in the end, youâll be gaslighted so much, youâll be more confused than if you didnât call them out.
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@Duchess converts it to google docs
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And also know one thing-
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If you need to talk
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We are here
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@Haven
(Part 3) Online therapist: "What stresses you out
âfilling her cup and giving her some food. I feel that Iâm the parent here. But then If I complain I would get scolded for being ungrateful. for being lazy.âI have to admit, this really struck me. I know someone who is like this and they are a narcissist themself. Itâs okay for your mom to ask you here and there for something. Thatâs okay. We all want things but want to just chill for a bit so we ask someone else to do it. But making you feel scared if you ever say anything about it is pretty frightening. And I can totally see the pickle. You could say something about you being stressed and risk getting scolded, or donât say something, and continue compounding the stress. I assume youâve been scolded before about that sort of thing so Iâm sure youâd know. Complaining might be annoying to some people sometimes, but itâs not like itâs healthy to never complain. I wouldnât even call a lot of things âcomplaining,â honestly. If you never tell people about the negative things you feel, itâll just harm you inside at some point. And the fact that you feel scared to express that since your mom might (or will) scold you, is pretty despicable. And Iâm really sorry you have to deal with that.
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@Haven
(Part 3.5) Online therapist: "What stresses you out
âI donât Want to tell somebody this and they immediately just search up hotlines for me to call and therapists for me to book.ââMy counsorlors just talk about suicide hotlines and talk to my parents who are the main problem, and my friends just⊠Ignore me.â
A lot of people want to help the best way they can by sending hotlines and places to go so you can find the right kind of help. But not all the time thatâs what peopleâre looking for. A talk with a friend over text could be the only thing you really want. And thatâs 100% okay. Therapists are here to help you with a problem, but not every problem has an immediate solution. Like yours, for example. And you canât just go to therapy to get rid of toxic people. Theyâll still be at home, and you canât really be told you âjust leaveâ the problem. Itâs complicated with parents being the issue. And your counselor doesnât seem to realize this. Which isnât their fault, I guess. Not everyone grasps all angles a situation can be. There are so many kids out there who go to a counselor in replacement of a therapist because the problem lies with the parents. And I really wish you had friends whoâd listen to you. I genuinely wish they would. Hotlines have millions of people talk to them all the time. A personal talk with a familiar friend might be something people would rather do. Just so someone in your life would understand. Not someone who youâll never meet. I know Iâm just someone random online, but Iâd be more than happy to talk. And I really mean that.
â đ¶ If words fail, music speaks! đ¶
