I honestly don’t care. I’m going to use names.
Me and Sophia (Aspen) started dating back in late 6th grade, early 7th grade. I had gotten out of a bad relationship previously, and things happened, and she had told me she liked me a little bit after. I told her that I had felt the same. Unfortunately, I was an extremely closeted kid, who was terrified to tell my parents I had a girlfriend. (They eventually found out.) Despite me being so closeted and not able to say “I love you” or send certain colored hearts over text because at the time my mom went through my phone and it would get figured out, we stayed together. I eventually got Discord, got some friends and some people from here (Zeri/Jinx, Harper, and CatBlepBoi), and we would just talk. I had a mini-music group, (I called it my Choir Hell Server) and I introduced Sophia as my gf to them, and my mom found out. She wasn’t mad, but she was disappointed at the fact I didn’t tell her. I tried to explain that I wasn’t ready to tell her. She never brought it up again. Although…Late 8th grade…She was going through an Aro-Ace phase, and she told me that romantically loving people wasn’t something she wanted to do/wasn’t interested in at that time. I told her I understood. We were still friends. We still talked to each other daily. She ended up getting another partner (Ace-NB), and it hurt. It was so soon…
…
I had another partner later, and we lasted until November 16, 10:31 P.M. I honestly wasn’t that upset about that one. I had a feeling it would start to not work out. It was like an…early birthday present. I know that’s a terrible thing to say, but it just…wasn’t the same as what I was hoping for in a relationship.
…
Fast-forward to Valentine’s Day, 2024. Luke (BF/Partner-He/They-Trans) asks me to be their Valentine’s, and we start dating. I’m happy with them, but every once in a while…I just look at her and think “I wonder where we could have been if I hadn’t messed up so much. If she was still mine, and I hers.” She’s so pretty. She’s what I wish I could be. She’s perfect. She can make friends so easily, and she’s just such a kind caring soul. Gods, I miss her. It hurts to see her daily sometimes.
…
Songs I associate with her are I Hear A Symphony by Cody Fry and A Shitty Gay Song About You by Ezra Williams
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TL;DR: I miss my ex-gf, and it wasn’t really my fault, but it feels like it. :P
Best posts made by Your Local Reaper
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I miss her...I can't help but think it's my fault.
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Practicing. (Fellow musicians welcome to vent.)
I hate practicing. Now, I know that’s a stupid thing to say. “Why would you hate practicing? It’s the thing that’ll help you get better!” Shut up. I hate practicing because of my mom.
My mother is 37 years old. She started singing and playing violin when she was 4. She got into the Iowa All-State Chorus all four years of High School. She is a great musician overall. She is a private music teacher and has her own string quartet. How many people do you know have their own string quartet? Probably hardly any.I hate having to practice in front of her. She nitpicks everything. Why does she have to be like this? I have no idea. I get and understand she wants me to be the best I can, even though I am only a freshman, but this sucks. Nearly every time I practice, I end up in tears because I try. I try, and she gets pissed. I try so god damn hard, but I can’t. I can’t do whatever it is she wants me to do.
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RE: Dumbest person I've seen all day..
Also this is a real person that Identifies as an ACTA or Age change to another.
It’s similar to RCTA, ECTA, or DCTA (Race change to another), (Ethnicity change to another) or (Disability change to another)
I honestly really hate the [x]CTA. It’s hard to put into words, but that is not something you can change. You cannot change your race. You cannot change your ethnicity. Those are literally genetic. You cannot change your age-you cannot undo what time has done to just change a number. You cannot change a disability-if you have one, you can’t just change it because you’re feeling ‘silly.’ That can be and is very offensive to those that have those disabilities. It’s frustrating, and honestly, I’m not sure how people can actually live with themselves like that. They should know that this kind of behavior is socially and kind of morally wrong. :/
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RE: A poem for that bitch
@Α-Σ-Γ said in A poem for that bitch:
Μισώ σε με ολότελα, αχρείε νάρκη,
Που βρόντηξες βάναυσα το κορμί μου,
Στην ίψι σου κρύφτηκες, σαν δαίμονας,
Κι έσπειρες ανείπωτη αγωνία.Σιωπή μου κρατούσα, κρυφτός πόνος,
Αλλά τώρα φωνή μου ψυχής μου έξω,
Αποκαλώντας σε δριμές καταρες,
Στιγματίζοντας την ατιμία σου μου.Σαν αετός ύψιστος, όμως, θα πετώ,
Αφήνοντας πίσω τα ίχνη σου σκοτεινά,
Κι ας γεμίζεις έτσι τον κόσμο σου με χάσματα,
Εγώ θα λάμψω ανέμελα, ψυχή αθάνατη.Vaguely translating to:
I absolutely hate you, you wretched mine.
Where you brutally thundered my body,
In your shadow you hid, like a demon,
And you sowed untold anguish.I kept silent, hidden pain,
But now my voice my soul out,
Calling on bitter curses,
Stigmatizing your dishonor to me.Like an eagle supreme, however, I will fly,
Leaving your footprints dark behind,
Even if you fill your world with gaps like this,
I will shine carelessly, immortal soul.Honestly? Slay.
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RE: GGGGGGGGGGGAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGSSHHHHHHHHGAYUUUUUUJEEEHHHHAAJAJJUSUW
ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww I really hope you washed the shit outta your hands. And used hand sanitizer-
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Body dysmorphia kicks ass.
So, to put it bluntly, I’m a slightly chubbier girl, and I’ve got a large chest.
(unfortunately. That’s where this is heading too…)I usually don’t mind, but I’ve got a lot of performances coming up where I have to either move around a lot or do a lot of dancing/jumping. I’ve also noticed that because of my…size, I have a lot of back pain, and pain going up/down stairs/pain in general. I’ve tried sports bras (like the compression ones), but those only work so much. As someone who has a lot of LGBTQ+ friends and as someone who is LGBTQ+, I know that you are not supposed to bind with those elastic bandages, but it was only for a minute. Not even. I wanted to cry because it felt nice. It was tighter and more supportive than a sports bra, and I was still able to breathe. Except the shitty part is, is I can’t get a binder (not even from someone with supportive parents), because my mom will get mad and be like ‘oh you don’t need one, that’s what your sports bras are for,’ and no matter how hard I would try to tell her, I know it would always end up in some stupid-ass argument, and she’d probably say something about how my gay friends are being a “bad influence” on me and that I just want to be like them because it’s “cool.”No. The problem is:
I hate my arms. They’re so fatty but skinny.
I hate my hands. My nails look gross, and my fingers are short and ugly.
I hate my legs. They’re so thick. The only thing they look good in is thigh-highs and leggings because they hid their true form.
I hate my stomach. I want a flat stomach like all those pretty girls at school. Why can’t I look like them?
I hate my face. My skin is scarred from picking at it, and it’s textured and ugly. If I could afford skincare to look nice and pretty, I would get it.
I hate my chest. After being told my ‘chesticles’ were out for wearing a cute zipper top that was lower cut, especially.
…
Oh, and I’m like super pissed off right now because (note that I’m a singer for what I’m about to say) I’m sick, and I can’t. Fucking. BREATHE. LIKE AT ALL. And I’m pretty sure my Devil’s Waterfall is coming shortly, so I’m super like, temperamental, and I’m also pissed because I have tried using a steam inhaler, and a nebulizer, and I can’t find my Vicks VapoRub Stick (It’s like a smelling stick that smells like really concentrated Vicks, and it clears out the sinuses super fast. AND I CAN’T FIND IT. WHAT THE HELL-) -
Financial Literacy Debate (OPEN FOR DEBATE!)
“Children don’t need to learn financial literacy skills until they’re older! They should focus on what they have now.”
Define older. Do you mean when they get a job, which could range anywhere from 16+? When they’re 18? When they’re 21 and considered a full-fledged adult? When they’re at least 25 and their brains are finished developing? How about when they’re in school? Hear me out: add financial literacy as a class to middle and high schools to better prepare them for their future. According to many sources, behaviors around money can form in children as early as the age of 7. If that’s the case, we should teach children and teens financial literacy at earlier stages in life, so they are better prepared and more successful in their future. Schools could even make it a required class, but let students choose when they want to take it. Whether they want to take it early as a freshman or wait until they get used to the swing of things and have an idea of what they want to do with their life as an upperclassman, they should learn the proper ways to:
~Open a bank/savings account
~Properly use debt
~Pay bills
~File taxes
~Save money for retirement…
…And so much more. There are so many things that people need to learn to be successful in this world, especially with the economy the way it is. (It’s absolutely in shambles.)(Also please excuse if this doesn’t make sense, I am just 15 and writing this for a school project. I don’t know anything about taxes, okay? I’m researching. This is just based on what I have so far.) (Also this might be edited depending on what I find during my research!)
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RE: the first time in my life
Duchess All I can hear when I see this picture:
“MAMAAAAA- OOOOOOOOOOh-” Lmaooo -
Why do people have to be creepy and weird and not pick up on social cuesssssss 🤢
Okay. I’m going to use fake names to keep identities safe because that’s the right thing to do. Also this is going to be long. REALLY. LONG.
ME: Jay (Just a kinda shortened version of my name.) (She/Her)
MY BF: Lee (Also a kinda shortened version of his name) (He/They) (Trans)
THE CREEPY BITCH: Audie (Shortened name.) (She/Her) (Also trans)So basically, Lee has Audie’s Discord, but they haven’t really talked since last year because something happened between them and it got awkward. I’m in my school’s theatre troupe, and unfortunately, so is Audie. We’re preparing for our show that was in like a month or so, and she starts talking to me while I’m painting a piece of set, because they have like literally nothing to do.
(Not sure why they didn’t just ask the director for something to do…)I’m mostly focused on painting, so like, I’m not paying a shit ton of attention to them, and they’re just…CIRCLING ME? As I’m painting. Not sure why. Anyway, we’re chatting, and I’m not getting great vibes from them, and we’re talking about some of my friends, and how they tried to ask some of my friends out before. (First it was Ace, then it was Lee, then it was Saf. All rejected.) I bring up that me and Lee are actually now dating, and she’s like ‘Oh really? That’s- uh…Good for you.’ They seemed…idk. Disappointed, maybe?
Time passes, we only see each other at theatre set builds, so I’m not too mad about it. HOWEVER. As I’m sitting at lunch with one of my friends, they bring up Audie. (I didn’t really know her name at this point in time, so I’m like who tf is that, and they explain.) I’m like ‘oh shit, I know her-’ and so my BF, Lee, brings up some messages that Audie had sent, which were things like “I heard you and Jay were dating. Good for you, you lucky bastard. Don’t fuck it up–or do fuck it up AND PUT IN A GOOD WORD FOR ME.”WHAT THE FUCK. NOT ONLY THAT, BUT THEY WOULD KEEP MESSAGING LEE ABOUT ME.
Eventually, we had a cast party, and they were sitting two seats away from me. (Also for the record, I wasn’t wearing anything super extravagant, I was just wearing a tunic because it was easy to take off and change clothes/shoes in. Apparently, Audie had messaged Lee and said “Fuck, Jay looks so pretty right now.”ALSO! NOT ONLY HAS AUDIE BEEN SAYING THAT KINDA SHIT, THEY’VE BEEN KINDA PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE TO LEE ABOUT ME.
AND THEN! When I show clear disinterest in Audie, they keep trying to talk to me.
Like recently, I had a really cool ass group of people come to my town. They’re called the Young Americans, and they teach you this Dance/Singing/Musical Theatre show in 3 days. SOMEHOW AUDIE FOUND OUT ABOUT ME BEING IN IT, AND SHOWED UP TO THE PERFORMANCE YESTERDAY. They were wandering around the YA cast, and the workshop kids, looking like they were looking for someone. One of my friends asked if she was looking for someone and they said no. However, they kept weirdly following my vague direction. Whenever I would turn around to try and find another cast member so I could have them sign my shirt, there she was. We kept making eye contact for a few seconds every time. Thankfully, I had a couple friends who I explained the situation to and helped me keep away from her. They would like block me from her sight, etc.Whatever. Anyway, I don’t like her. She creeps me the fuck out, and honestly, she’s just kinda a dick to my bf. I’m trying to get Lee to tell Audie to stop because she’s making both of us uncomfortable and to block her if that doesn’t work, but we both also love shit–talking her. (Also technically it’s truth–talking about a shitty person lmao-)
So, I’m nervous to see if they’ve messaged Lee about me avoiding them after the Young Americans. I just- I don’t know what to do. I can’t exactly file a harassment claim through the school, because they haven’t done anything to me personally. I’m pissed, and I have no idea what to do about it. Fucking help.EDIT: They also figured out what lunch I have/who I sit with on what days and they figured out where I am during 7th hour. (Which is the library. They’ve been there for the last couple of days and watch me and my friend give our computers back and leave.)
EDIT 2: Sorry that was really long to read. I apologize if it’s confusing as well. -
RE: yesterday wasnt as bad as i thought itd be
@Namira When you hate white people but you are a white people: 😔
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A start of a book I want to write? (Maybe like a 13+ read?)
“When I am through with this world, it will rain fire and blood my love!”
“Evangeline! Don’t you think you’re going too far right now? Thaddeus is dead. He’s gone. There’s no need to destroy what is left of him! He had a family–are you going to kill them too?”
Evangeline had slapped him across the face, causing him to reel backward, tripping on something on the floor. “SILENCE! How dare you speak his name to my face?!”
“I–I’m sorry my dear, it’s just that-”
“That what? It’s ‘too extreme’ to destroy everything he loved after he did the very same to me?! He robbed me of myself, for Hell’s sake! He kept me like a slave–do you realize what I went through? Every day for 12 damned years. !5. I was 15 when he did it. I WAS A CHILD. HE TOOK EVERYTHING FROM ME.”
“I–I am aware, Eve, but…never mind. Anything I say will only make things worse. That’s how these conversations always go. I’ll leave you too plot a genocide of a family.” -
I don't feel real right now. I am aware of a lot of things in my body and around me I shouldn't be.
My body doesn’t feel like itself. I can feel the space between my bones, specifically those in my fingers and toes. This causes me to feel my muscles, fat, and everything around it. Feeling that makes me feel my skin. I don’t like the way it feels. I often feel like I want to peel it all off via scratching or picking. My breathing doesn’t feel right. I have to manually breathe sometimes, and I can’t get it to go back to normal for a long time. For those of you who don’t understand, it’s like when you wear uncomfortable rings and then you have to adjust them or take them off, and then you forget what your fingers touching feels like, and it feels weird.
When I get hot, I get itchy. I hate getting itchy. If I don’t stop itching, I will scratch my skin into Oblivion. I have dermographism, which is a ‘skin writing’ mutation, so if I scratch myself hard enough, I’ll leave welts on my skin that will stay for as long as 30 minutes to 2+ hours. I’ll also start to break the skin and it’ll turn red. Any more and I would break the skin and it would start bleeding and pussing lightly. Besides, when I don’t itch my skin, I get these little red dots that look like a rash.
My sight feels blurred and lagged some days, and I don’t understand. It’s like when you put a filter on a video, and it makes it feel like it’s motion blurred. I can’t fix it. I just have to deal with it.
I feel like I can also hear things more but also less as of late. I can hear the electricity charge surge when I plug something into an outlet. I can hear people breathing. I can hear lights buzzing, even if other people can’t. I hate the sound of Styrofoam. I hate the sound of nail files being used–this is why I clip or bite my nails. I also hate having to brush my hair dry–the sound my hair and hairbrush make is horrid.
On the other hand, when I’m talking to people, their words sound so blurred and muffled together. I ask them to repeat what they had said, and it’s just the same. I try so hard to figure out what they’re saying, but it’s frustrating and just pisses me off. Speaking of sounds, there are certain sounds like high-pitched ringing and the sound of a very specific fabric rubbing together that just make the back of my neck tingle uncomfortably.I also simply can’t stand some materials–I HATE crushed velvet. It makes me feel my skin. So does sherpa and fleece. (Like the chunky fleece, not the stuff used on fleece throw blankets. That’s a safe material.) Or the material used in heavy cotton blend T-shirts? No go. The sharp tags on Gildan brand T-shirts are also a major nope. Hoodie linings are safe, and most materials are good, but some just make me feel certain ways that I don’t like, and I just- hgfj- There’s not a way to describe it.
People tell me that I’m overreacting and that I just want attention, and I’m fucking done. Why can’t people understand? Like my mom–I’ve told her about the fabric noise and what it does, and she calls me crazy and weird. I can’t control what my body does. I wish I could.
.
.
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No, never mind. I don’t want that. That would be a living hell. Then again, so is nearly everything. Fuck my life. -
How well do you know me?
Since some of y’all are doin’ this-
Here’s mine! https://buddymeter.com/quiz.html?q=vyCI8rw
Lemme know if it doesn’t work- -
MPP Tier List! (Of my Friends/People I Follow)
S Tier:
Duchess
@kitkatgirlie
@Alastor-Hartfelt (Unhinged ass mf-)
@DerpDaFCRGuy (You unhinged motherfucker-even more so than Dom- :^)
A Tier:
𝓑𝓪𝓷𝓭𝓲𝓽 (you unhinged bastard-)
Clay
@Shadow
@Prime-Minister
@Winnie_the_Bitchless
@Charlie_Offical_From_Hazbin_Hotel
@Wubbrle-the-Wubble
]- Jinx "Snortable" Powder -[
B Tier:
@Merry (Also bc I don’t rlly know you that well lmaooo)
@finneass
@A38
Infina-Phoenix
l☆ra
@Namira
꧁⎛⎝✦𝚉𝚎𝚙𝚑𝚢𝚛𝚊 𝚈𝚊𝚛𝚊✦⎠⎞꧂ (Just bc I don’t rlly know you that well- :^)
C Tier: IDK?
D Tier: IDK?
F Tier: Not likely anyone will be here.If I missed someone, let me know lmaooo
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RE: MPP Tier List! (Of my Friends/People I Follow)
@kitkatgirlie ofv bestie-I’ve known you like my whole MPP life lmao
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RE: The Month and year I'll be leaving.
@Charlie_Offical_From_Hazbin_Hotel I’m gonna be upsetti if you leave earlier than that- even December is too early-
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RE: What do you value in a friend?
Duchess
I value people as friends who will:
Accept me/my identity and sexuality for what it is (She/They pronouns but Bi-romantic. I’m ace lmao)
I also really appreciate friends who are loyal and willing to talk, as I will be willing to listen if they need to talk as well. (Mutual therapy friends? idk.)
I also just appreciate it if people just don’t talk shit about me (seriously, ofc), especially when they don’t do it behind my back. (Me and my friends will talk shit about each other, but I found out an ex-friend would talk shit about me behind my back.) -
RE: classmate quotes
@Namira Can I add this to the quotes in my signature?? (This is great advice tbh-)