I’m back from camp :>
Not dead/ghosting yall i swear
I’ve just been super busy since then, so I haven’t had like any time to log on. :>

G U H.

What was it like to lose? All my life, I’ve been held to impossibly high standards that I’ve managed to reach. I’ve been scraping the bar, but I’ve reached the standard. I finally made people proud! I felt good for a while, but this proved that my maximum effort, the effort that exhausts me to no end, the effort that has been forced from me, the effort that takes such a heavy toll on my body, is someone’s minimum effort.
The feeling of dread that seeps back into my body is cold. I had known the warmth of happiness and love and care, but now I must go through the cycle of being compared to someone else. Insults, demeaning and derogatory comments make their way back into my life, dragging me down.
I’m fighting for my life in this sea of brutality, struggling to survive, desperately trying to stay afloat, while I watch them float effortlessly, like the perfect being they are. The water they swim in is so clean, and pure. Mine is tainted with blood, sweat, and salty tears. What was it like to lose? It was like normal. It was the norm for me. The only reason it hurts so much is I was doing so well. And then I went and ruined it.
But I must stand aside and accept my place, below them.

Also this is a real person that Identifies as an ACTA or Age change to another.

It’s similar to RCTA, ECTA, or DCTA (Race change to another), (Ethnicity change to another) or (Disability change to another)

I honestly really hate the [x]CTA. It’s hard to put into words, but that is not something you can change. You cannot change your race. You cannot change your ethnicity. Those are literally genetic. You cannot change your age-you cannot undo what time has done to just change a number. You cannot change a disability-if you have one, you can’t just change it because you’re feeling ‘silly.’ That can be and is very offensive to those that have those disabilities. It’s frustrating, and honestly, I’m not sure how people can actually live with themselves like that. They should know that this kind of behavior is socially and kind of morally wrong. :/

As you look around the surrounding area, you realize just how much damage has been caused. Burning rubble of buildings, abandoned and not. Screams of far-off families, trying to find their loved ones. You see your fellow party members on the ground, dead, or nearly dead, bleeding out into the deep snow. Only you remain, on the brink of death, your energy slipping away, and you can feel your hands getting colder by the minute, with Morro in front of you, an amused smirk plastered on his face.

“Oh, you poor little dove… I was really hoping that you and your friends would have proven more of a challenge for me. Such a shame I was able to make them all drop like flies.”
Morro saunters closer to you, stopping just in front of you, looking down at you with that wolfish smirk, as you scramble back in the snow, leaving a trail of blood behind you as you go.

“Why did you go after them?! I’m the human he found to save the world! It’s me that you want!”
Morro chuckles sinisterly, the kind of laugh that would send a chill down your spine and make the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. “Oh, little dove…I know that you’re the one I wa-”
“Then why?! Why them?! Why not just take me and kill me already?!”
“Because it causes you more pain, little dove. The more pain you experience…the more enjoyable it is for me.”

You keep scrambling back, desperate to be away from this man. No…this monster. He killed your friends…your ‘family’. It doesn’t really seem to matter how far you try to get from him, though…he’s gaining on you. You’re losing blood. Lots of it, and fast.

“You’re a real- bastard, you know that? A monster. You killed my friends! My family, just to make me hurt more?! Do you realize how fucked up that is?! How would you like it if you were in my shoes?!”
“That’s the difference between us, little dove–I wouldn’t be in your shoes. I am…so much more than a sad little adventurer who got told they could save the world…”

This is based around the D&D campaign me and my friend are running.

The fight is almost over…Morro…he’s on his last leg. He’s getting desperate. He can’t last much longer.
“Just give up, Morro. You know it’s almost your end.”
“Like I’ll surrender to you, little bird,” he rasped. He was exhausted.
“Hold him down.” Her voice was firm, with no room for argument. Upon hearing her command, the others do as she asked. His arms are restrained behind his back, the others on guard, in case he tries something stupid.
“Kaz. Your dagger.”
“Cass, I-”
“Now.”
“…” Kaz reluctantly handed over one of his daggers, Cass’s small smile turning into a wolfish grin as she approached Morro, now shaking in his human restraints.

“Hold him down, 'til the boy stops shaking, hold him down while I slit his throat… hold him down while I slowly break his pride, his trust, his faith and his bones! Cut him down into tiny pieces, throw him down in the great below! When people wonder where the man is, only the ocean and we will know!”

“WAIT! We- we can talk about this,” he basically started begging.
Cass stabbed his hand to the floor, watching him scream out in agony, ignoring the other’s nauseous and disgusted looks, her eyes gleaming with murderous intent.
“STOP! PLEASE!”
You didn’t stop when I begged you to leave my friends alone, so why would I stop?!"
“Cass, please,” Sebastian interjected.
“Silence, Sebastian. Your brother must learn his lesson for the pain and suffering he caused not only this realm, but for me as well.”
“Cass, Sebastian has a point.”
“Kaz…” Cass twisted the knife in Morro’s hand, causing him to cry out in agony again. “I almost lost you to this man…no…this…monster, and yet… you’re sympathizing for him?”
“Cass…”
“ENOUGH, Kaz! I will not take any more criticism from you. I’m doing what I must.”
Cass rips out the dagger from Morro’s hand, plunging it into the other one, giving it the same treatment, a cruel smile on her face. After mutilating his hands, she moves to his shoulders, stabbing them repeatedly.
“HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE HELPLESS?! HOW DOES IT FEEL TO KNOW PAIN?! ALL OF THE SUFFERING I’VE BEEN THROUGH-”
“Haven’t I suffered enough?! STOP!”
“YOU DIDN’T STOP WHEN I BEGGED YOU! TOLD ME TO CLOSE OFF MY HEART!”
“STO-”
Finally, Morro’s words are cut off by the ting of a blade, and his words are now replaced by raspy gurgles, and blood dripping down his throat.
“After…everything you’ve done…how will you sleep at night?”
“…Next to my boyfriend.”

@Wubbrle-the-Wubble Kat started it and made it tradition. <33

RIP yourlocalsanjifan, you will be missed.

Yippee-
Am sweet 16 now

Α. Σ. Γ. said in A poem for that bitch:

Μισώ σε με ολότελα, αχρείε νάρκη,
Που βρόντηξες βάναυσα το κορμί μου,
Στην ίψι σου κρύφτηκες, σαν δαίμονας,
Κι έσπειρες ανείπωτη αγωνία.

Σιωπή μου κρατούσα, κρυφτός πόνος,
Αλλά τώρα φωνή μου ψυχής μου έξω,
Αποκαλώντας σε δριμές καταρες,
Στιγματίζοντας την ατιμία σου μου.

Σαν αετός ύψιστος, όμως, θα πετώ,
Αφήνοντας πίσω τα ίχνη σου σκοτεινά,
Κι ας γεμίζεις έτσι τον κόσμο σου με χάσματα,
Εγώ θα λάμψω ανέμελα, ψυχή αθάνατη.

Vaguely translating to:
I absolutely hate you, you wretched mine.
Where you brutally thundered my body,
In your shadow you hid, like a demon,
And you sowed untold anguish.

I kept silent, hidden pain,
But now my voice my soul out,
Calling on bitter curses,
Stigmatizing your dishonor to me.

Like an eagle supreme, however, I will fly,
Leaving your footprints dark behind,
Even if you fill your world with gaps like this,
I will shine carelessly, immortal soul.

Honestly? Slay.

“…Morro. A…displeasure to have to hear your voice again.”

“Oh, but it’s quite the pleasure to see you again, Cassandra. I’ve been dying to see that crushed expression again, like when I nearly killed your little friends.”

“…”

“Cat got your tongue, little lamb? Too afraid of the big, bad, wolf??”

“Of course I’m afraid of you, Morro. You’re the kind of person I fear and despise the most. Besides, you- you nearly killed my friends- my family. The people I would follow to the end of the world! But I’m not afraid to admit that.”

“Ah, so the little crybaby finally grew a backbone. Interesting. It won’t matter, though. You will never make it through my conduits.”

“I’m not a crybaby, Morro. I’m just in touch with my emotions, which you clearly aren’t. Because you’re a monster, who has no regard for others. You don’t care how others feel, or what they do! Only when it might benefit you in some way do you start caring!”

“My feelings died forever ago. All my mercy is gone. I am nothing but a monster, and I wear it like a medal of honor. And you know why no one can do anything about it? Because I’m a god.”

“Someone like you shouldn’t even have the title of being a god! It should be a privilege! I mean, look at you! You said it yourself; your feelings died long ago. What else died with you? Your morals? Your- your compassion? Well, I suppose compassion could be considered an emotion, but your empathy? Are you even human anymore? You wonder why people live in fear of you, when the reason is obvious! You use others for your own benefit, like King Rito, which is only to cause harm to others! I didn’t want to hurt him, but if it means taking you down…you…you monster, then- so be it, damn it- Someone like you doesn’t DESERVE to live. Someone like you- doesn’t- you don’t DESERVE to be happy anymore. I hope- I hope whatever caused you to become like this was deserved. I hope- I hope that all the pain someone or something put you through was deserved, because that’s exactly what you already put me through once. Yet I managed to keep my humanity! So what happened to you that you had to become such a monster?! What…justifies your actions?! What gives you the right to act like this, all high-and-mighty?! HUH?!”

Instead of getting pissed off like last time, Morro seems…dumbfounded. Almost…lamentful. “Do you really want to know? Do you really care to understand why I’m a monster?”

“…I’m listening.”

“The reason I’m like this, is because I lost something dear to me. The love of my life. My… Eliza. My family hated her, for no reason.”
He looks dead a Sebastian for a moment.
“And then, she died. Inexplicably. No cause of death identified. I got upset. I got mad. I went insane. I started killing monsters. I started killing people. I got so strong that I killed a god, just so I can inflict suffering on the world, to avenge my Eliza.”

Cass glances over at Sebastian for a moment, before returning her gaze back to Rito- er…Morro.
“I understand that- that losing someone like that…is hard. Really hard, but…that…I’m sorry, that doesn’t justify killing other people. Innocent. People, at that. But… Think about her for just a moment… Is that what your Eliza would have wanted? Is that truly what she would have wanted you to do? Was to inflict so much pain onto others, just to make them feel as you felt? To make them go through what you did? Imagine if Eliza was here now… What…what would she say to you? To the monster you’ve become?”

Morro’s cold expression changes to one of sadness as he thought about the little bard’s words, as he stands in silence.

“You didn’t think about her, did you? You didn’t think about what she would have wanted…”

“It doesn’t matter anymore. It’s too late to reverse what I’ve done. My heart is filled with hate and I will keep plaguing this land.”

“It’s not too late, Morro. You can still redeem yourself! Just…think of Eliza! Do things she’d want you to do. For her! In her name, you can- you can change your ways. you can still better yourself, and learn from your mistakes. You can try and redeem yourself, if you just…let go. Let the conduits go…and give up. Do it for Eliza. You- you became so blinded by your rage and grief, that…that you lost sight of why it happened in the first place–of who you were acting for. I can see that you loved her, and that her death caused you immense pain and grief, but you let it take over your heart and soul, and now all that’s left is an empty heart, that only knows how to hate, and slaughter, and bring chaos to what you know to be the world.”

𝜗𝜚 rylie that’s understandable, and a very respectable decision. I hope people are nicer too you soon. <33 /p

I’ve made a post about this person before.
It’s no one on here.
But they were talking to my partner behind my back saying how jealous they are of us, and said they couldn’t believe how fucking pretty I was, etc. Some suck-up bullshit.

They often managed to be in the same area as I did. I went to return my school computer to the library, they were in the library.
They heard about a choir/orchestra concert? They were there.
They knew I was going to be at a theatre set build? They were there.

I finally told them to fucking stop last year. Near the end of the year. I was tired of their bullshit.
Sick of it. They made me sick to my stomach. They wanted my clothes. They wanted me.

I have a concert Monday night (last night). Guess who was there, and wouldn’t stop staring at me? This bitch.

I can’t even say anything to admins or law enforcement, because they haven’t done anything physical to me, and they’re a student. They’re going to naturally be in the high school. They could just be there by chance.

Fucking bullshit. They follow me.
I’m scared. I’m scared that one day, they’re going to have an off period, and they’re going to follow me home.
Should they do that, I swear, they’re going to rue the day they were born. My family won’t stand for it.

It’s not like I can do anything about it right now, anyway.

Should this bitch be on here, which I HIGHLY doubt: Fuck you. Stop following me, and stop talking about me. Go find someone else to stalk.

@Cole-The-Consumer-Of-Petrol she’s a writer who has frequent blackout periods where she doesn’t remember anything that happens during them–she uses cannibalism as a metaphor for love, and something in her subconscious changes. She starts to notice that she’s having strange cravings, and they slowly start to drive her mad, and while she tries to use her writing to get it out of her mind, she eventually can’t stop herself, and can’t help but indulge in her desperate, animalistic cravings <33

@Raven-Rae yes. Yes you are.

Sometimes I wish I wasn’t who I am.
Sometimes I wish I wasn’t so smart.
Sometimes I wish I wasn’t so academically validated, that I crave to have the highest possible scores I can.
Sometimes I wish I wasn’t the ‘shining star’ I’m made out to be.
Sometimes I wish I wasn’t put up onto a pedestal to be stared and gawked at, like some display.
Sometimes I wish I felt safe where I live.
Sometimes I wish I felt safe with people.
Sometimes I wish I could just see my people again.
Sometimes I wish I could just go home, where I don’t have to worry about the outside world.
Sometimes I wish I wasn’t born.
Sometimes I wish I was more useful.
Sometimes I wish I could be who I want to be, rather than who other people want me to be.
Sometimes I wish I could get away from this fucking hell of a world, and just…be happy.
Sometimes, I wish I could go back to those days when I was but a small girl, sleeping in 'til noon.
Sometimes I wish I could go back to those days when my father would carry me inside and lay me down in my bed after a long car ride.
Sometimes, I wish I could go back to those days when I would be awoken in the early morning by the mourning doves, or by the train that passes by my nana’s house at any given hour of the day.
Sometimes, I wish I could get…comfort and solace.
Sometimes…
Sometimes…
Sometimes…I wish…I knew who I was…
Sometimes…I wish…I knew who I was meant to be…

Blake ooh, so idea sort of based off of that–the FMC gets the strange cravings when she’s pregnant–it starts off as just craving red meats more, but it doesn’t fill the craving, and eventually she gives birth, right? Let’s say it’s a hospital that will offer to give the mother the placenta. She takes it, eats it, it’s still not enough, and she eventually eats her baby, but she goes mad after she realizes what she’s done, and so she ends up killing herself.

Picture this, it’s 1953, and you’re in a smoky bar, just having a drink. There’s a lady on the stage somewhere, singing some jazz or big band standard. She’s got a pretty face (although, you kind of have to have a pretty face in this business), long curly brown hair, and a silky/sultry voice. She’s got this sparkly red evening dress, and matching gloves and heels. She looks so…put together and perfect. What an idol like her should be.
Meet Scarlett Jane Evans.
Commonly known as the Scarlett Haze.
Famous around the world, invited to sing at many respectable establishments as a solo singer or with her (tolerable) partner, Sylvie. She prefers to stick around to New York, but she’ll move around to sing. More notable places that she’s sung at include the Hidden Gem Bar, and a few other places that are…slipping my mind right now. (That’s the one I remember because we go there a lot.)

(Ignore her pipe I forgot to actually color in. )

“If teardrops could be bottled
There’d be swimming pools filled by models
Told, “A tight dress is what makes you a whore”
If “I love you” was a promise
Would you break it, if you’re honest?
Tell the mirror what you know she’s heard before”

“Fat.”
“Ugly.”
“Disgusting.”
“Worthless.”
“Useless.”
“Pathetic.”
“Mistake.”
“Disappointment.”
“You shouldn’t have been born.”
“You’re not even that good.”
“Why are you still here?”
“I hate you.”
“You’re annoying.”
“You’re a burden.”
“Weak.”
“Get out.”
“Go kys.”

“The room is loud with silence now, your absence now more noticeable than ever. The echoes of your laugh linger still, haunting the night before slipping away in the break of day. I reach for shapes that are not your face in the dark, reaching for the warmth your skin cannot replace. This loneliness wears your name, shouting your name in parades of song, that crack the mirror, and stain the carpets. If love once bloomed here, it now rots. The soil remains, but the roots do not. Tears do fall, but do not dry, and hearts must break without goodbye.”

I know none of you know me in person, and none of you will know who I’m talking about here.
For context: one of my friend’s mom (who we’ll call ‘K’), invited me down to her brother’s (who we’ll call ‘N’) house to hang out with some of my friends while she played cards.
I said yes, because I’d never turn down an opportunity to hang out with my friends, and I haven’t seen one of them in a while, so why not.
So we get there, Aiden, Bradlee, Cameron, and Brooklyn (Cameron’s sister) (she’s the one I haven’t seen in a while) (for reference for later, she’s TWO YEARS YOUNGER THAN ME. SHE IS 14) are all there, and we’re all chilling, doing whatever. We end up going to a park to play baseball, we play Smash Bros Ult. for a while, just kinda fucking around.
The guys are gonna go chill at Aiden’s house (K is Aiden’s mom), and Brooklyn wanted to know if I wanted to stay the night with her and some other girls.
I ask my mom, she says yes, and so I’m just chilling with her, we’re just making bracelets with the girls, we play just dance for a while, etc. Eventually it gets late, and we go back to her room, because I am not sleeping in her brother’s bed- (bro scares me sometimes), and she insists we share her bed, and we’re just being silly.
Until it reaches around…midnight or so.
At some point I was actually trying to lay down, but I have really bad back issues fucking shoulder boulders, man- and so I’m moving around a bit, apologizing, letting her know like ‘hey, my back hurts, and I have back issues, so I’m probably going to move around a bit.’
She offers to like try to crack my back or massage it, and thinking she had no ulterior motives, I say sure, go for it.
Mind you, this shit hurts- so yes, I’m making noise (not weird noises, you freaks), and I’m apologizing because I’m trying not to be loud, as the girls are in the next room, and her parents are downstairs (they have thin floors).
Eventually she got like- tired of me apologizing(?) and pinned me to the bed every time I did. (I was on my stomach facing down, she was on top of me/behind me), and I don’t even like- remember how, but she somehow flipped me so I’m on my back, facing the other way, and she starts saying how “I’m so hot,” and how she’s wanted to kiss me, and how she finds my personality hot.
Meanwhile WHILE SHE’S DOING THIS- she- she put one of her legs between mine (you get the picture…) and just practically started- dry humping me while telling me these things.
She kept saying that she wanted to kiss me, and kept asking me if things felt good, and I couldn’t say anything- I wanted to cry, to tell her to stop, to tell her to get off, but I couldn’t. My mind was in overdrive, and I couldn’t find the words or actions I wanted. The ones I needed. All I could say was “I don’t know.”

Out of all the fucking things to say, my mind fixated on “I don’t know.”
She eventually took it as a “no,” and got off of me, going to bed. She never went further than that.
I wanted to cry.
I wanted to do something.
I wanted to get her off of me sooner, but I couldn’t.
I have never felt more worthless and useless and helpless than in that very moment.
I hated it.
I explained to my friend Bradlee, because I felt the safest telling him, and he said that he had a feeling she would try something, because she’s practically tried to hit on everyone she’s met, and he said she even tried to hit on him.
He asked if he could tell Cameron (her brother), and I told him to go ahead. He eventually told Aiden as well, and they’ve sworn to not tell the parents, because that could end things badly for everyone.

But never in my life have I felt so fucking useless, worthless, or helpless than in that moment.
May 24, 2025. Around 12:00 AM.